Breastfeeding 11mo to sleep but really want a night out?

[amybc]

DS goes to sleep in his cot for the first part of the night but comes into bed with us when he wakes around 11ish. If he wakes before this he can only be settled by me(bf) and screams if DH trys to cuddle/sooth him. I love having him in our bed and am happy with breastfeeding but do want to go out for a friends birthday in July. I haven't had a night out yet (attempts have been aborted when summoned home by DH due to crying or just awake). DH thinks I need to get DS staying in the cot through the night so that I can leave him but I don't want to stop co-sleeping.

I do feel chastened by some of the threads posted on here, our situation is not that bad and I am happy most of the time, there are just occasional moments of desperation. I would love some advice if anyone has any...

Hi amybc, I am no expert but I think there are two issues here:

1. Your DS needing to be BF to sleep and co-sleeping

1. Your DH 'summoning' you back due to your DS crying or being awake!

I don't want to be too harsh on your DH but can he not settle your DS back to sleep when he wakes at night if you are not there? Either by lying down in bed with him, giving him a bottle or whatever. Otherwise, you will never go out! I have to admit that it took me a long time to leave DS with DH in the day and at night. And of course your DS will prefer you as you are the one who has been taking care of him and feeding him!

DS is 15 months old and DH finally spent two whole days with him without me a few months ago due to me not being able to take time off work when the nursery had training days. TBH, DH did way better than I expected and he enjoyed it a lot more than I expected too! DS didn't starve, was clothed etc. Ha ha.

Since then, I've left DS a lot more with DH in the day and at night (while I go out with my friends or babysit for my friends) and it has all been fine. And I've really 'enjoyed' the freedom! Your DS will adapt to whoever is there to meet his needs. I really wished I haven't been so precious with DS and trusted DH earlier. DH has said he really enjoys his time with DS alone as well.

If you don't want to stop co-sleeping, then your DH will have to learn how to cope with your DS alone. He can't just 'summon' you home cos your DS is crying or awake. Hope someone will come along with better advice...

Ax

start singing a song together (with DH) a lullaby, when you are not there the song will help DS to know its time to sleep.
or, DH be up with a crying baby that night, its only 1 night and DS will go to sleep eventually.
or sleep in another room/do something totally different that night so DS wont be expecting you to be there?

Hello Angel and Motherlove,

Thank you both for replying and for the excellent advice.

Part of the problem is that DS has never taken a bottle and now that he is weaning he will drink a little water or milk out of a cup but not much at all and I think DH feels anxious that he can't feed him.

We are trying some of the tips from NCSS to deal with the breastfed to sleep issues and DH is going in to try and settle DS for ten mins or so every night. I like the lullaby idea. Feeling much more positive/optimistic tonight and your messages have helped.

Amybc - Things will get easier. Even if you don't do anything about any of the issues you mentioned, it might take a few more months but your DS will eventually drink from a cup/bottle (when he has to!) and learn to self-sooth. I've always stressed about DS's milk drinking as he was never a big milk drinker from young. He was ill very recently and barely ate or drink anything for a week. I almost tore my hair out in desperation! But once he got better, he started eating properly again and has got his little pot belly back. What that experience has taught me is that they are hardy little things and won't starve if they refuse to drink/eat for a little while. My friend took the hard way out when her LO won't take the bottle, she only BF her in the morning and at night and eventually, she took the bottle (that didn't mean my friend didn't stressed herself completely out in that week worrying!). I honestly found DS at 15 months old so much easier to deal with than when he was 10/11 months old...

From the age of about a year both mine would go to sleep for somebody else if they knew I wasn't there - no chance if I was about! Even though they still usually coslept and bf to sleep at that age. I just said mummy's going out tonight but daddy's here and it was fine.
The first time I left my first it was not fine (she was 8 months) but DH just got on through it until I got home. Would it be the end of the world if DH brought him downstairs and watched telly with him or whatever until you got in, just for once?