Sleep training!

[Shellbell]

Hi everyone. Hopefully i'm doing this correctly as this is my first message.

My son is 12 weeks old and will not have naps or go to sleep at night unless he is being fed and falls asleep in my arms, or I hold him. I have tried putting him to bed awake but this is proving to be difficult. He then wakes up 45 minutes later obviously still tired and VERY cranky.I realise he is having difficulty getting himself back to sleep but I can't leave him to cry as the midwife and health visitor have suggested. How can I encourage him to sleep without resorting to this. Any suggestions would be greatly apppeciated as I am very sleep deprived myself. Thankyou.

P.S Was it wrong of me to allow my baby to be loved or fed to sleep? So many things leave you doubting your parenting abilities and the choices you make.

hi agian,
yes good luck tonight it is so true just take it bit by bit.

Flic23, I've had one of each! All babies really are different. Glad it's going better Shellbell.

Shellbell - so how did you go on last night then?

Hi everyone. The foolowing night Deacon woke up at 4, drained his bottle and went straight back to sleep until 6! Wonderful stuff! Wanted to ask your opinions on the 45 minute nap. Deacon tends to wake up earlier than I would like him to is still cranky. He had five 45 minute naps the day before yesterday and was only up for 1.5 to 2 hrs at a time. Can't really say a nap pattern for yesterday as we were out most of the day. I know i'm lucky that he has that amount of sleep but I would like to extend his nap time so his awake time is more fun for both of us. He stayed at my mom's last night so i coukd go and get intoxicated (it was my partner's b'day) and he slept through until 6 (he always has a dream feed which was given at 11 last night)so things are going well at the mo. Fingers crossed it stays that way!

Hi Shell. Glad you're still going ok with the nights. There's another thread on here about the 45 minute nap thing - apparently they go into a lighter sleep phase after 45 mins and so wake easily.
I'll try to find the other thread for you.

Not sure how you do links yet but if you 'Search current messages' using search term '45' and subject Sleep you'll find it - I think it's the 2nd thread listed.

Thanks Magscat, i've started reading through the postings. Have another problem now though, he's teething.Poor thing- his cheeks are so red and swollen. He's napping at the mo, but keeps waking himself back up. Must be awful for him.

Just what you needed! I was lucky with my lad - teething didn't start till 9 months and it never seemd to bother him.

Lily has a streaming cold now though and woke up roughly once an hour last night & fed for 10 mins each time. I didn't mind too much though because at least she's getting fluids when she's feeding. Just hoping she'll get over it quickly because we were begining to get somewhere with her night sleeping!

Hi Magscat. poor you and Lily, hope ur feeling better? Deacon has continued to sleep well during the nite. He woke at 5 this morning but has only been taking an ounce or so, so i shoved his dummy in a few times and he slept until 6.45.Daytimes naps however have become a real problem. He hasn't slept for longer than 20mins 2day so in effect he hasn't got himself to sleep at all. He's a nightmare,& i'm at my wits end. I've just had to stop myself ordering more books cos i know i'll just end up confusing myself even more.He's lying on me at the mo, and is very cranky. Please help. I've read the sections and i still don't know wot to do.Can't think straight.

Sorry the day time's got more difficult for you. Not sure I'm qualified to help as Lily is hopeless on day sleeps too - so hope someone else sees this.

I went through a stage of taking Lily out in the car every lunch time to get her to sleep but apart from the fact that it's not really a good practice to get into, it doesn't always work anyway. Also going for walks in the pram doesn't send her off until at least half an hour into it.

Presumably you've tried doing the same things that work at night - rocking, mobile music etc...?

Our sons's nursery sometimes pat the little ones gently to get them to drop off - not sure how reliable it is but it sometimes works to calm Lily down although not enough to get her to sleep. I think the gentle rhythm of it is supposed to be soothing.

I guess I'm lucky that Lily doesn't seem too bothered if she doesn't get much day sleep. An hour seems to be enough for her some days so I've given up stressing about it.

Might be worth starting a new thread specifically for 'daytime sleeping' to see if anyone has more helpful suggestions. I'll keep watching this thread though and will post if I get any brain waves.

Thanks Magscat, yeah tried all of those. Maybe am being too hard on myself and him expecting him to have longer naps already? It's just awful when he's knackered. Also didn't have a very good night. I usually put him to bed between 7 and 7.30 and don't hear a peep out of him but yesterday he was sooooo unsettled. Lack of daytime sleep I guess? Also maybe his teeth. Put some teething gel on his gums but really unsettled for most of night. Had a bottle at 4am and drained 6 OZ so figured he must be having a growth spurt. Maybe he needed more food yesterday? Am gonna try and get an extra 6oz into him today at some point. Do not want same thing happening tonight! Poor thing having such a neurotic mother!

How are you doing Shell? Lily had 45 mins all day today and was fretful on and off but not outright upset. Hope you & Deacon are ok.

Hi Mags, we're ok. I had to resign myself to the fact that Deacon will not sleep longer than 45 mins in his cot. It was stressing me out too much trying to get him to sleep in it longer, and I don't want it to be a 'bad place' for him. Today I pushed him round the living room in his pushchair to get another 45 mins out of him cos just didn't have the energy to go out. Am just hoping that he'll grow out of it soon. He has only had two and half hours sleep today and has been so unsettled since I put him to bed. I think i'm gonna have to do whatever is necessary to try and get him to nap during the day as it's beginning to affect his night-time sleep.
He has got a snotty nose as well so I fear he has a cold coming.Oh joy! Hope Lily is better?

hi my dd was the same and would only sleep for 45 mins at a time. I started to get too stressed about it and would get really fed up over it. In the end I just tried to chill and by going out and about ie baby groups, shopping etc i stopped focusing on it. She is now 11 months and still very rarely sleeps for long only 2 naps a day of 45 mins. it gets better as they get older as they need less sleep and so the 45 mins nap seems to be ok.

Thanx Kbaby, that's what I'm going to do I think.Had a terrible night with him last night due to his nasty cold. He wouldn't settle this morning for a nap but went in his cot at 11.45am and has been sleeping since. Strange or what? Saying that I did stay with him until the 45 minute mark and shushed him back to sleep as soon as he opened his eyes. Gotta wake him at 3 though for a bottle. I'm so glad for both of us that he has managed to get some proper rest today

Hi Shell. So how was your night after D's sleep yesterday lunchtime? Did it make things better or worse?

Lily is pretty much over her cold but now we have relatives visiting so she's far too interested in what's going on in the day to switch off and go to sleep! Not been too grumpy though so can live with it. Vaccinations on Wed though so that'll be fun!

Hi Mags. sleep during the nite much improved thanx. He slept from 8 till 5.30 this morning which suits me fine. Fed him than back to bed till 7. Trouble is his dad's got a cold now which of course is the flu so i'm now looking after two babies!!! As I have learnt though nothing with these babies is for keeps. Just have to touch wood that it carries on. I do whatever is necessary during the day to get him to sleep otherwise we all suffer. Hope the jabs go okay.