18mth old still not sleeping through night, ds's + marriage suffering - any tips from dead on feet working mum of 3

[TanE]

Hi Ladies,

Wonder if anyone has any new idea's. My DS has only slept throught the night twice. Now he's 18mths think it unaccepatble and having difficulty keeping up strength/awake what with 2 other ds's and working.

He a healthy 13.75kgs, does not take milk of a day and sleeps between 1.5/2hrs a day in either one or two naps depending wheather he's at home or nursery.

He settles fine at night (7.30/8) after having his milk and gives me he's bottle back then turns over and goes to sleep with his dummy. If I'm lucky he sleeps till 2am (if not it's 11.30) - tried CC, cuddles and even juice/water. Milk is the only think that gets him back to sleep quickly - I don't think he needs it but CC does not work - he throws himself around, throws dummy away - he even scratched his face to bleeding. Not something I want to repeat.

My other boys slept through at 3mths and 13mths so don't know whats different.

Any help would be appreciated I'm dead on my feet most days and snapping at hubby and boys through exhaustion.

Thanks
Tan

Not really sure, but my almost 14m DD doesn't need much sleep. Is it possible that your DS is having too much sleep in the day? Recently I have been starting to wake her up after a 1hr nap and then she seems to be more tired at night. My 3yo DS gave up napping in the day by about 19m (another one that hardly needs any sleep!).

Do you think he's waking because his dummy has fallen out then can't find it? In which case you might have to endure a couple of nights of dummy-free hell before he gets used to not having it.

ds has just dropped his daytime nap at 22 months - you could try that. He's sleeping better as a result.

. Gradual withdrawal? Reduce the amount of milk you give him over a few nights, then stop the milk, and cuddle him to sleep, then after a couple of nights, pat him in his cot to sleep, then sit in the room, then stand in the door etc etc. Takes ages, and is knackering, but does work.

Is he too cold? Is there a noise that wakes him up? Is he in pain from teething?

Cold turkey?

I suspect that he's going to sleep sucking and then when he comes to the surface in the night instead of rolling over and drifitng back off he's pinging wide awake and needing to suck himself back to sleep.

Throw the bottles and dummies away and endure the difficult week or two while he learns how to settle himself without sucking!

Dummies make sleep easier in the first few months - but more difficult after that!

I would stop night milk immediately. He will lose the habit in 2-3 nights.

If you can't/won't, then put a bottle of milk in his reach. Surely at 18 months he can drink it himself.

I don't really have much advice as to how you can change things. Nothing we did got our older children to sleep through before they were ready.
Could you just accept that this is the way he is for now and that it will pass. Try to catch up on sleep at other times when you can. Maybe an hour or so at weekend.
How long is he awake for?
It's really difficult I know, when you have to get up for work the next day. Just try to keep in mind that it won't be forever.

I've read somewhere (might be GF?) that a bottle of sweetened water (with a teaspoon of sugar in it) will work better than plain water. The idea is you do this for a week or so and it means they go back to sleep, but haven't had milk, ie food, in the night, so eat more in the day.
Either that, or you just need to be really brutal with controlled crying - tell them its night time and they have to go to sleep, and just say this EVERY time they get up (or just leave them in the cot) even if it takes 4 hours or so for them to finally fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion from crying...horrendous but works within about 3 days according to magazine case studies etc. Of course it only works if you can stick to it and you and dh both have to be prepared to do it - and ideally at a weekend so you don't have work the next day.
An 18 month old shouldn't need to wake up in the night unless there's something wrong, surely.

Thanks ladies was thinking about cold turkey with the milk but have the inlaws here for a week - do next week would be better.

My sons doesn't use his dummy at nursery or childminder so think geting rid of this will not cause too much of a problem!

Thanks for your help - jus t wish he was in his own bedroom as easier to ignore than screaming in the same room - roll on my extension being built.

Will try to tackle over the next weekend

Don't go down the tough route unless you are prepared to see it (his fury that is..)through!

Nothing worse than starting to be tough and then giving in for whatever reason.

Make sure you reassure him and settle him and don't get angry or cross with him.

Hopefully if you really do throw bottles and dummies away you can't get them out from the back of the cupboard

It sounds like time for Daddy to take over the night shift. I have a 27 month old who has never slept through. Some of them are crappy sleepers. I just tell myself it's DS's nascent genius keeping him up at night.

We too suffer the broken sleep of a tiny baby at nearly 2. Our DD got back into the habit of milk in the night after a nasty bout of flu just after Christmas where she survived on nothing but milk for 3 weeks, followed by 4 months of nasty teething (everyones a winner).

She now has water out of a sippy cup in the night and has done for about 3 weeks. This does send her back off to sleep but she's still waking at least twice a night.

Everyone knows someone who's kitten didn't sleep until way after they thought they'd be getting 12 hours a night no problem. We're just getting to the point of acceptance.

I think getting off the milk is a good thing for teeth if nothing else and maybe the water will be bring fastre results for you.

Good luck if you go cold turkey - I just ain't strong enough to see it through.

water down the milk so that each night he is having les milk and more water than the day before. It is kinder than going cold turkey but will be much slower.

Does your DS get himself to sleep during the day?

Hi ladies,
Little man settle well of a daytime without dummy or milk so he can do it, just think my exhastion kicks in of a nightime as does hubby's and it's easier to give in. His also in his own bed which seems to wokring out a bit better as he get up rather than screaming from his cots when he wants something!

Guess I need to decide - like the idea of watering down the milk each night slowly to get him onto water.

Thanks for all the suggestions, nice to know I'm not alone lots of other people have kids who sleep better, in fact my first two boys did!

Tan

we had this prob and just decided to go cold turkey. we put him to bed after a bottle of milk the first night. he groused for about 20 mins then put himself to sleep and.... slept through til 6! we didn't have to refuse him milk in the night as planned because he didn't wake up! definitely worth a try!

My DD3 rarely slept a full night through until she was 2. I had a DH away at sea a lot, was working part time and have 2 other DDs, one of whom is disabled with SN, and both that had always slept well so this was a big shock to me. I feel your pain!

The only thing that would settle DD3 was milk - yes I knew she didn't need milk, she ate like a gannet in the day and had no problem going off to sleep, but would wake at least once usually twice wanting her milk. And because I was so bloody knackered and I just wanted to survive I gave her milk. About 4 ounces which I started leaving in her cot - sometimes she found it, sometimes I had to go in and give it to her.

I knew it wasn't the "right" thing to do but I couldn't tackle it alone and just wanted some sleep. Then literally just before she was 2 she slept through despite me not changing anything. So I then stopped putting her milk in, and she still slept through. Very very rarely she wakes and asks for milk but I just say no it's sleepy time, and as she's that bit older she seems to understand and says OK!

I think sometimes they just do it when they're ready, and you have to do what you need to get by until they do.