feed to sleep or sleep then feed?

[bethdivine]

hi,
DD is 4wks and at the moment is pretty much doing both. If she manages a decent enough nap (ie, longer than 10mins) then she will wake up and have a good feed, but try as I might to watch for sleepy signs, she still wants to feed to sleep - generally not a very good feed, just fussing on and off and whether I put her down awake or asleep, she tends to wake a couple of times and repeat this until she gets herself off to sleep.

I don't mind her feeding to sleep, as long as she has a good feed, but when she's just bobbing on and off it's taking up all my time and poor DS isn't getting a look in, as I'm either feeding her when she wakes, or helping her to get off to sleep! I've tried putting her down in her chair when sleepy and gently rocking, tried putting her in the pram and pushing back and forth, but eventually she just wants to be held and usually feed a little bit. I know it's natures way with the lovely hormones in the milk to help her sleep, but it's taking over everything. DS is only 2 and getting no attention and starting to feel it.

I'm "booked out", after reading anything I could get my hands on when DS was born, so am really just looking for some practical advice now, anybody got any suggestions as to how to gently help DD into a routine so I can spend some time with DS when she's asleep, rather than spending most of the time either helping her get to sleep or helping her stay asleep. - I'd rather not use a dummy, but have even tried that in desperation and she spat it out in disgust. I have a carrier, but would rather not use it for her to sleep in.
any thoughts most welcome, TIA.

At this age it's pretty much impossible to stop them feeding to sleep and really not worth worrying about. I would use the carrier for her to go off to sleep and then transfer her if possible. At this age all you can hope for is that she starts to learn the difference between night and day. Once she's got that sussed, you can worry about establishing good feeding/sleeping habits.

Do you have a box of special toys or books for your DS? Do you read to him while nursing?

yes, I get stuff together the night before for DS, trying to keep it different, choice of sticker books, story books and quieter toys. If he asks for balamory or bob, then I'll put them on too (the PFB who was never going to watch television - I'd rather he read with me, but if he wants Bob, then I long ago accepted TV has it's place).

I've been determined this time to go with the flow, watch DD and let her settle into her own routine, so I just need to keep reminding myself she'll get there and stop thinking about it all till 8-12 wks. thanks for the reassurance, I'll try and stop worrying so much!