Why do my DCs not sleep (3yo and 1yo) - please help me!

6 replies

crokky · 11/05/2009 22:15

Please help me...I am so tired...

DS is 3.2. DD is 14 months.

DS has not slept in the day for a very very long time, his bedtime is 9pm even though he has started a school nursery and does 3 full days. He will go to bed (in our bed) but will wake up every 2 hrs to make sure I am there. This I can just about live with - our big bed is pushed up against the wall so he is on that edge. He is never tired.

DD is a worse sleeper. She is so bad that I am thinking of cutting out her daytime nap as I just have no idea what to do. Currently, she goes to bed around 9-10pm and wakes up between 5-8am. She sleeps for between half an hour and 2 hours in the day. In the night, she is up a number of times, usually wanting to come in bed with us (she is in a cot by the big bed). I would just stick her in the bed with us and be done with it if I wasn't afraid of a) her falling out onto the floor and b) DS somehow kicking her and injuring her as he is already in the bed with us.

Neither are breastfed anymore (I fed them both til 12 months). I did commit sleep crimes with that (let them feed to sleep) but this is no longer the case. When I was pg with DD, DS's sleeping was so poor that we often had to take a drive at 10pm/11pm to try and get him to sleep. I know this is also a sleep crime, but I don't do this anymore. All my sleep crimes have been done out of total desperation!

What have I done wrong/what can I do. They are such a pair of hardcore non sleepers and I am knackered. Short of drugs, how do I make my little crazies sleep?!? [I would not do this!]

OP posts:

bosch · 11/05/2009 22:20

Sorry, can't offer any practical help but would suggest that you talk to your hv. Around here, with significant sleep problems, you can be offered quite formal help - think you and the kids go somewhere overnight to be observed so that tailored advice can be given.

Can you start exploring with ds when he's going to sleep on his own - choose bed, soft toy, blankie, duvet cover etc etc.

Original poster

crokky · 11/05/2009 23:19

I've sort of tried everything I can think of with DS - he has a Thomas duvet, lots of wall stickers, jungle curtains - he loves it all and will happily play in there in the day. He just wants to sleep with me at night which is just such a major problem because DD and DH do as well! DD has been awake already - she's on the sofa at the moment!!

OP posts:

gillybeanie · 12/05/2009 00:05

i could of easily wrote this post,same as what we are going through at the mo DCs are same age as yours and DD is sleeping on the sofa as well!
Dont know what to do myself, and going away for a month so will be harder to get bed time routine done, shall be following this one best of luck bosch x

ches · 12/05/2009 01:17

Stop beating yourself up. You had two under 3 and you needed your sleep and anyway, IME, feeding to sleep or not makes no difference to night waking. I haven't done that with DS since Christmas and he still wakes 3-4 times a night, more when he's teething like now. Your DD is more than likely working on her molars or other development which is taxing her brain. Your DS you can use gradual withdrawal or co-sleep first with him in his bed, then use gradual withdrawal. You need to divide and conquer: you take one, your DH/DP take the other.

gillybeanie · 12/05/2009 01:23

oh sorry meant to say best of luck crokky xx

firststeps · 12/05/2009 13:31

You need a structured bedtime routine which will work for you and your family, but gives out the very clear message that bedtime is for going to sleep until the next morning - your children are probably pretty sleep deprived atm which is probably making night time waking worse. I also think that if your DS is used to being in bed with you and wakes to make sure you are there he will continue to do this unless you break this habit, your DD will also continue to wake if she thinks coming into bed with you is an option.

I would decide what time you want bedtime to be and stick to it, have a routine that works for you (ours is bath, stories, milk then bed) then once your children are in bed that's where they stay until a reasonable time in the morning. Obviously going in to settle them all the time, but not letting them into your bed. You need your DS to be in his own bed in his own room if possible, and try to get your DD used to sleeping in her own bedroom or the same room as your DS. It will probably be pretty hideous at first, as they are used to very little, broken sleep and being with you but all sleep habits can be changed - it just takes a little time.

PS this is just my opinion and I know it's not for everyone

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