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Sleep

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Original poster

Is it so bad to rock him to sleep?

14 replies

berri · 07/05/2009 06:47

I am still swaddling my 5 month old (2 months prem) and at night and for all his naps I swaddle him then rock him to sleep in my arms. It only takes about 2 mins and then I put him down asleep and he usually stays there.

If he wakes up though while I'm putting him down, he starts to cry and I have to rock him again until he's back to sleep otherwise he gets himself into a state if I leave him to try and settle himself.

Is this something I need to get out of the habit of, or should I just be grateful that it only takes about 5 mins to get him to sleep every time?

Should I be trying to leave him for a little while to see if he can get himself to sleep? Seems impossible that he would do this to be honest, and he would just wriggle out of his swaddle and put it over his head I think.

Any ideas, or should I just leave him to grow out of it?

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LuluLulabelleWantsANewName · 07/05/2009 07:06

Oh I would just do it. If it works then why worry?

It might work if you get him to do it himself but it might just cause a lot of stress all round.

My DD (14 weeks) would only fall asleep if you cuddled her to your shoulder, then one week it didn't work so I lay her in my arms and she fell asleep in minutes. Now that's not working like it used to, last week I was rocking her in that position and she was fussing and crying so I just lay her down next to me on the bed (thinking I'd change her nappy - that must be the reason she seemed so uncomfortable) and she just put her arms over her head, turned her head to the side and fell asleep. DH and I were astounded.

I have come to the conclusion that she just goes through phases. I think your DS sounds like a dream, worry about him getting himself to sleep when he's a bit older.

Crazycatlady · 07/05/2009 10:13

You could try letting him try to settle on his own and staying with him to shush him a bit/rub his tummy in the cot to reassure him. First few times it probably won't work as it's not what he's used to, but gentle perseverance might just do it, then you can gradually intervene less and less until he's settling himself.

On the other hand, my DD used to be rocked to sleep, then we noticed she was seeming to get annoyed by it so we knew we had to try something different (we did the above, and also baby whisperer's pick up put down). Your DS may well just do the same and tell you when he's had enough of rocking and is ready to learn to settle in his cot. Or he may not, and you might still be doing it when he's a whopping 10 month old, eek!

It's a difficult call, but the fact you've posted about it makes me think you're not 100% ok with rocking him to sleep so I'd be tempted to try something else, and if it works then brilliant!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 07/05/2009 10:18

I found that once I could spot ds's sleepy signs (yawn, turning head away, rubbing eyes) then I could put him down and he could setle himself. If I missed these and he got overtired then he would need help to settle.

I found the sleep chapter in The Babywhisperer very useful to help me spot the signs. I don't follow the routine though.

Ohforfoxsake · 07/05/2009 10:20

Soon enough he'll be pushing you away and wiping your kisses off.

Get the cuddling in while you can is what I say!

travellingwilbury · 07/05/2009 10:23

I wouldn't worry about it , but then I would have tap danced naked if I thought it would have helped get mine to sleep in 5minutes .

Not that it would have , the poor boys would have had some scary nightmares

sleepwhenidie · 07/05/2009 10:26

Just go with it - my DS 3.8 was (still often is) a horrendous sleeper. DD, 11m needs rocking to sleep but once she is asleep she mostly sleeps all night and I am so grateful! If all it takes is a few minutes, which are lovely minutes anyway, why worry? Its not as if she needs rocking back to sleep in the middle of the night, or that you are breastfeeding her to sleep, which would get harder later on. You will be there almost every night to rock her at bedtime and if you are not then someone else can do it for you...enjoy cuddling your gorgeous DD while she is so small and stop worrying

hobbgoblin · 07/05/2009 10:29

Yep. The only time something is a bad idea is when one of you is suffering because of it.

It may be that the time will come when your baby wants to be more independent of you sleep-wise...perhaps he'll be grotty and grouchy in the day because he needs to self settle through the night or perhaps you'll feel you need more time for you... but until then you do what makes the most important people happy, imo.

Original poster

berri · 07/05/2009 19:50

Thanks so much for all your replies, I was feeling bad about the rocking after talking to some other mums yesterday but you've made me feel much better - if it's working.....don't change it!!

So I've just fed and put him down and after a 2 min rock he's sound asleep and I'm about to have a nice glass of wine.

As you have all said, I guess I will try something different when he gets sick of me doing it!

Still having visions of travellingwilbury tap dancing naked

OP posts:

mamadoc · 07/05/2009 23:49

Not sure if you will want to hear this but DD has just turned 2 and I still rock her to sleep for her nap! At night I hold her hand. It takes 5 mins max and isn't a problem to me at all.
I can't be arsed to change it as I figure she'll probably stop having a nap soon anyway. She sleeps all night.
In general I would have been a lot happier if I never read any books or listened to anyone's criticismadvice!

FrankMustard · 07/05/2009 23:54

I'm sorry to offer alternative suggestion, but I did the same as you with ds1 and then found as he got older that he wouldn't settle without me or dh there - and this lasted until he was 3yrs old , at which point we had to get him used to going to sleep on his own as we would be spending ages in his room in the evenings and losing our evenings and he seemed to stay awake if we were there by that age and just start nattering to us about anything and everything! (hard when ds2 already around by then too).
I made conscious effort with other 3 NOT to rock them to sleep because as much as I love to see them nod off during a cuddle, IME it was a rod for my own back as time went on.
obviously there are times when we stay with one or other of our dcs, but as a rule of thumb, we try to leave them to settle on their own and not be dependent on us being right by them to go to sleep.
HTH.

Original poster

berri · 08/05/2009 13:35

Argh 3!! Blimey. So how do you get them to sleep without rocking them? He seems wide awake until I pick him up and rock him, and if I put him down in the cot he really screams so I can't see him ever settling himself?

I tried the pick up put down thing about a month ago (he's 5 months now) and it turned into a nightmare with me taking about 45 mins to calm him down as he got so pissed off with me keep putting him back in the cot!

OP posts:

MegBusset · 08/05/2009 13:47

I really wouldn't worry about it tbh. DS1 used to have to be rocked to sleep for naps, then around a year old he started fussing and kicking whenever I tried. One day after 10 mins of trying, I left him to go to the loo, and by the time I got back he had fallen asleep by himself. I nearly fell over with shock but he was obviously just ready to go to sleep by himself, and has ever since. So don't assume that by doing it at 5mo you'll still have to do it at 3yo!

FrankMustard · 08/05/2009 13:56

Only way to settle them without rocking to sleep is to develop the patience of a saint and keep going back in after intervals, leaving a bit longer between intervals. Often easier said than done, I hasten to add, so you're going to have to get a feel for what YOU think suits YOUR child best, but with ds2,3 and 4 we couldn't cope with what had happened with ds1 and so we just had to grit our teeth and endure a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. Yes, it can take AGES for them to settle, but they will eventually if they're tired enough - you'll have to decide whether you can cope with that!
I don't think you need worry TOO much at this stage as DS still very young, but you did ask whether people thought it might not be helpful in the long run and IME, it caused tiring problems!
(Also, in my experience, sometimes schildren settle better once they realise mummy or daddy AREN'T coming back in as they can perk up when you're around and play up to the fact they know you'll come running back in, even at a very young age!)
Good luck berri!

Crazycatlady · 08/05/2009 19:58

Yep I have to agree with Meg, it was only when DD started giving signals that the rocking was irritating her that we tried something else. In our case PUPD and some comforting in the cot. She's 4 months though and I am thankful that she's learned to settle herself so early on.

And whenever you do change the settling method it will be hard work for a bit like Frank says, but worth it.

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