17 week old will not go back in cot after night feed

[BabyBluenose]

I would really apeciate any pearls of wisdom anyone may have on my problem. My 17 week old, breastfed DS goes to sleep quite happily in his cot in the evenings, but refuses to go back to sleep in it after he has woken up for for food in the night. He will fall asleep at the breast, but however delicately I place him back, as soon as his head touches the matress he starts thrashing around and wakes up. I've tried leaving him to settle himself (although not to cry- I just can't bring myself to) and it just doesn't happen. If I pick him up, he closes his eyes and goes back to sleep immediately, but as soon as I put him back- wide awake again. He will settle in our bed, which is where he ends up once I have tried for at least an hour with the cot, but he takes up so much space that DH and I end up hardly sleeping as we're both hanging off the edge of the bed, so we would prefer to break this habit.

I have been back at work two days a week since he was 8 weeks old. He has ebm while I'm away, but seems to then feed more at night (at least twice during the night, plus a dreamfeed). I really don't mind the night feeding, but I do resent missing out on my precious sleep whilst doing battle over the cot! Knowing I have to get up for work at 6 also makes it harder to persevere with getting him back in his cot, rather than just giving in and bringing him in with us.

Sorry this is such a long post. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

My dd is the same. No problem in the evening but refuses to settle after night feeds. Most would say its important to put the baby back into the cot awake so they can learn to settle themselves although thats easier said then done, especially at 3 am. I try for about half hr and then give up and leave her in bed with me. Although we do have a massive bed. I'm hoping tis a phase.

Is your DS going into his cot awake when he settles in the evenings, or is he being put down asleep?

I had the same problem with DD (16 weeks) until 2 weeks ago and really found it made such a difference ensuring she was awake when she first went down to bed at night and also for daytime naps. Before that she'd never had the chance to learn to settle herself as I wasn't letting her!

If it's not that, then I'd be tempted to say leave it for now, at least until you and your husband are able to take a few days off work to tackle it. Could just be a habit that needs perseverance to break, but like you say, when you're getting up at 6 you do whatever you can to get a night's sleep.

We managed to get DD sleeping in her cot all night (with one or two feeds per night - not STTN, god no), with two nights of hard work by me and DH doing pick-up/put-down to help DD learn to settle herself in her cot both after feeds and when she woke between feeds. Now she goes straight off no problem after a feed.

Honestly though, I do miss having her sleep next to me even though she took up loads of room and I was pretty uncomfortable. So lovely to have her cuddled up next to me and seeing her little smiley face in the morning!

I do try and put dd down awake. And she either cries straight away or coo's for 5 min and then cries. Patting and singing has always been good but she's starting to resist this method. I then pick up and rock but my knees are feeling the strain. And my biggest worry is that she'll wake ds!

Thanks for your replies. As of a couple of weeks ago, he does go down awake but drowsy in the evenings- I was hoping that would help with the night problem but alas not!

Daytime naps are also an issue. Refuses his cot point blank. Will only sleep on the move or on me or DH. I was thinking that I would tackle that once I had the nights sorted, but maybe I should do it all together. Just seems such a miserable way to spend the day when I would rather be cuddled up with him while he is still so small.

I know what you mean about loving waking up with a little cuddly baby in the morning. The first smile of the day is the best and I instantly forgive him for the fact I've barely been asleep.

Babybluenose - sounds like you have a bright little spark who sensibly would rather be cuddled up with mum than in a cot on his own - especially if he is BF. I never cracked getting DS (nearly 3yrs) to lie down in a cot at night or during the day. Perhaps your LO was sleeping in cot first thing during the evening because he was in a deeper sleep cycle, but is more easily roused later in the night?
If you don't want to put him (and you) through the stress of controlled crying my advice would be to embrace co-sleeping and review sleeping arrangements - perhaps double mattress next to a single mattress on the floor, so there's room for all of you? I've found that acceptance and going with the flow to be the only thing that preserves my sanity. If you bring him into bed for BF without the thought of having to put him back in the cot, you will be able to feed practically without waking yourself. You will also find that gradually you get used to a different sleep pattern. In my experience if you don't have to make yourself upright, its much easier to get back to sleep.
If he naps better in a buggy or a sling, then let him do that.
It is lovely seeing a baby smile first thing in the morning and that time lasts such a short while, enjoy it while you can!
Good luck!