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complete sleep disaster (I think) please help - desperate!

10 replies

barbareebaa · 28/04/2009 16:08

Hi
Basically think I need to unpick this sleep mess I have got us into and start something structured but don't know where/ how to start!

Basically this is where we're at. My 5 month old is physically on me pretty much from the moment we get up until the moment we go to bed. If I put him down he screams - he is fine in the pram (as long as we are not out longer than 1-2 hours.)
at one time (between 2- 4 months) he was going to bed at 7ish, waking at 3am then sleeping until 6. Then he got his four front teeth in one go and I ended up bringing him into bed with me.
So now I try to put him to bed in his cot around 7.30pm but he cries as soon or within 5 mins of putting him down. Tried just having dh go in but ds won't settle.
Upshot is he then sleeps on me all evening too and then comes to bed with me at midnight and helps himself to boob while I lie there wishing I could sleep!

I am so fed up/ tired and beginning to wonder if depression is creeping in.

We have also tried dummies (he won't have one) Because I let him feed at any time of day I never have enough to express (so dh could take a turn) he is allergic (we think) to formuma (had a bad reaction early on)

I have a sling but he is big for 5 months (in 9-12 month old clothes) and I lack the energy to carry him around.

If you know where I could start with this I would so appreciate it. I am just miserable right now. He is crying next to me as I type.

Thanks for reading,

Bx

OP posts:
barbareebaa · 28/04/2009 16:10

p.s if i do let him cry for any length of time he is very sick

OP posts:
barbareebaa · 28/04/2009 16:36

p.ps I generally don't let him cry but sometimes I do need to wash etc!

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 28/04/2009 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

barbareebaa · 28/04/2009 16:46

bless you! that looks like a great start- thank you!

OP posts:
Breizhette · 28/04/2009 16:47

Hello there. You are exactly in the same situation I was in until 2 weeks ago. Except that DS slept with me from birth. And that he is 9 month old. It was starting to become hell as the whole family was affected by this and DS was just not sleeping enough.
The last straw came went he fell of the bed as I was so tired I hadn't realised that I had moved him to the other side of the bed.

I started to put him to sleep without feeding and he wasn't happy. I did some very moderate CC, as I would go as soon as he got very angry and picked him up. But if he started going mad again in my arms, I would put him down again. Slowly it got better. The first few nights I got up 3/4 times. And 2 nights ago he slept from 7pm to 6.30am. For the first time ever! Last night he woke at 10pm and at 5.30. But still.

I think the trigger for me was DS falling out of bed and what could have happened. I think you have to be 100% sure you want it to change otherwise it won't work.

Sorry I was so long, but it's still very topical!

cestlavie · 28/04/2009 16:52

Hi there, sounds like you're having a pretty tough time of it.

You'll probably get lots of different sorts of advice on here but my own view (with DD2 being 6 months old at the moment) is that he needs to get into some level of routine - if he's snacking all day then he's going to be snacking all night. Ditto, if he always has a mummy to lie on then that's what he's going to choose - lie on mummy, snooze and eat whenever he feels, perfect.

Some people will undoubtedly say that at 5 months old, this is all perfectly fine and attachment parenting is great and healthy and wonderful for the little lad but it sounds like it's making you bloody miserable.

Couple of thoughts on the day time. Firstly, if he's very hungry all the time have you thought about starting him on solids? Might be a tad early, but DD2 started at 5 months and plenty of other people start then. Would enable him to go longer between meals, theoretically at least. Secondly, try holding off feeding him for an extra five minutes at a time so you can stretch the gap between his feeds a little at a time - it'll be a slow process but over a week or two, it may help stretch it so that he's only settling down to eat at much longer intervals, particularly if he's eating solids. This should also help the daytime sleep as he won't be snacking so much.

On the night time, if you do want to try and put him down at 7 and then get him to sleep longer in his own bed then (speaking as a DH) I'd get DH involved much more. Little ones crying in the evenings at night seem to stress mums much more than dads, plus dad hasn't spent all day listening to them yowl. If they're fully fed then they should be equally happy with dad as mum. Once you've put him down, if and when he starts crying let DH go in and deal with it - guess you guys can do whatever you think it needs, but be it rocking, jiggling, cuddling, let DH deal with it - if after a certain amount of time he's getting too stressed, step in for a while and carry on, then you stop and let him do it again, til DS eventually falls asleep - I guess the point is, that he doesn't need feeding so don't. Ditto through the night, when he wakes for a feed try and make sure he stays awake to take as much as possible - if he then won't settle/ wakes up 15 mins later, get DH to settle him (again, relieving him when he gets too stressed) - the point being that he isn't just fed to sleep again. I think we also found with DD2 that she settled better with me than DW because she didn't have the smell of milk under her nose tempting her all the time!

I'd say it'll obviously take quite a few nights for him to sort himself out with lots of crying from all parties, but hopefully it's a way forward that relieves the stress on your and helps the little lad sleep a bit better.

ches · 29/04/2009 05:06

What do you want your day/night to be like?

barbareebaa · 29/04/2009 08:20

hi
I guess I could live with all of it if I got an hour or 2 off in the evening, to eat my dinner without grabby fingers!!!

But I suppose I would like him to be able to have a nap during the day in his cot (so that I could prepare tea or something - dh doesn't get home til 8.30pm) and go to bed at some point in the evening so that I could get a bit of sleep.

Thanks for your responses. Thanks for sharing your experience Breizhette I think i am lacking the commitment as i expect to fail and am so tired. But think that was a good point. glad you are getting there!
c'estlavie definitely going to try getting dh to deal with ds more - think you're so right. Really helpful advice.

sorry about the briefness - wriggly boy on lap!

thanks again!

OP posts:
Breizhette · 29/04/2009 14:08

I too was lacking commitment and when DH was giving me grief for not even trying to do anything, I wasn't even listening. I was so tired that I could not contemplate trying anything that would break the very fragile balance I had (which involved DS sleeping on top of me from 7pm to when I went to bed and then in bed with me until morning!). Quite tricky when you want to go brush your teeth, put your jammies on etc...

Last night he slept from 8pm to 6.35. I can't quite believe it. It wasn't even half as difficult as I thought it would be. It's very sad that it took him falling from the bed for me to finally do something about it.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

ches · 30/04/2009 05:30

daytime
You said he had an early reaction to formula. Are you still eating dairy products? You can try cutting them out for 2-3 weeks and see if that makes a difference. There are other foods in your diet which could be affecting your baby through your milk.

You can try different sling configurations, or you can try a soft or frame carrier (assuming your DS has the head control). At this age, we were wearing DS all over the place in a frame backpack, including while cooking/doing dishes/etc. when he was in a clingy mood.

daytime nap
Does he drop off in the pram? Could you do a walk that ends near home with him asleep so you can transfer him inside in his pram and then get on with what you need to do while he has his nap?

evenings
It sounds like he is cluster feeding in the evening. This is very common and often leads to them sleeping longer stretches after getting loads of delicious creamy hind milk. It is also common during growth spurts. However, if he is a constant snacker, it could be that he's just getting fore milk, which is high in protein and can make a big chunky baby, but too lazy to get out the hind milk, especially when there's exploring to do. You could block feed (offer same side first for a 3 or 4 hour window) to ensure that he gets loads of hind milk and see if that makes a difference.

If he's early with his gross motor skills (good head control, rolling, etc.) this could be causing him sleep disruptions. It's very common.

I have no experience with early teething (DS didn't get a tooth until 10.5 mth and the next one took another month), but when DS's teeth did come in, the first 8 came together. The teeth hurt more when moving through the jaw than the gum, so you can try orajel or ibuprofen and see if that makes a difference.

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