10 months old

[Fabiabi]

At six months, in January we did what I think was the pick up put down thing, and our daughter went from waking about 3-4 times in the night to sleeping 12 hours, and going to sleep in her cot on her own. Then in February, when she was 7 months my husband died. We are now at my mum's and things are getting hard. I try to put her down awake, but she cries, and I can't bear it, maybe because she was crying so much as he died - he was putting her down for a nap when he collapsed. I need her to sleep cos everything is very hard to cope with anyway. Last night she woke at 3 and I fed her back to sleep 4 times, each time she woke as I put her back in the cot. It ended up with my mum pushing her to sleep in her buggy cos I couldn't cope any more. I don't want her to get used to that, but it did work, and it is hard not having anyone to share it all with - though obviously my mum is brilliant. I don't really know what to do next.

Hi, I'm sorry I don't have much advice but I saw your post and couldn't bear to leave it unanswered. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My DD is nearly 10 months and not the best sleeper. She always used to wake up as soon as we put her down. What worked was putting her down and then rocking her to sleep in her cot. It's a bit harsh on my back but now she seems to settle herself without the rocking (sometimes!). It holds her gently in position (otherwise she starts crawling around the cot) and comforts her until she drifts off.

I hope that's some use or that someone better comes along soon.

Sorry I'm the last person to give advice on sleep but wanted to let you know you're not alone as you try to get your little one to sleep in the middle of the night! My ds is 11 months old and has never slept through. The easiet way for me to cope is to let him sleep with me in the bed and to feed him to sleep on my side - then he goes back to sleep without crying.

It's awful hearing them cry at the best of times - can trigger very intense feelings - anxiety, panic, even anger - but it must all be so much more intense for you. I know I feel very alone when he wakes in the night so often (4/5 times at the mo!) and this must also be exacerbated by your experiences. It really will get better one day and you must let yourself off the hook about how you get your baby to sleep - if your mum can help with the pram then let her!

All my best wishes and thoughts to you you are quite simply not alone! xx

I'm so sorry for the loss of your DH. For now I wouldn't worry about bad habits I would just do whatever you find easiest to get her to sleep. Whilst it's something I don't use a lot if my LO is not sleeping I usually bring him into bed with me, is it possible for you to co-sleep?

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such an unbelievably rough time. I'm afraid I can't offer much advice - my DS is 11mo and like, lotsoftoys's DS, has never slept through. He has been unwell this week and I can't believe how tired I am.

All I can say is that I know I feel better when I stop worrying about what's happening with his sleep and just go with the flow, doing whatever's required to give everyone the most possible sleep. I find I can do this if I say, ok, I'll spend 2 weeks (or whatever) just going with the flow and then think about a new approach then. It just gives me a breather, but I know there's a plan coming. We're a couple of weeks away from a new deadline - night-weaning this time- so now I'm trying to do whatever it takes to get my poorly little boy to sleep. Perhaps once you've stocked up on a bit more sleep, you'll feel a bit more able to tackle everything - although I appreciate you are in a far worse situation than me.

Oh, and try not to count the number of hours sleep you get. I do it automatically, but I know that I feel worse if I realise I've had less sleep that I thought I'd had, IYSWIM.

Thanks for the advice. This morning I just pulled her into bed with me and she slept a bit longer, but was a bit too excited to find she was there to sleep much. But then we had a nice time together so it was less stressful even though we didn't sleep.

My husband was always frightened of squashing her and didn't want her in bed, but I guess now there is a big empty space she might as well be in it when she wakes.

Thanks for your good wishes. We'll survive it all, I know that.