Worried dream feed will wreck the only decent stretch of sleep DS gets, and how does he know when it's okay to feed or not??

[MrsHD]

Sorry, two different things really. Have posted elsewhere about DS, 17 weeks, waking every 2-2 1/2 hours from 11.30pm onwards. Have been feeding him each time but this is really killing me and something has to change. DH suggests a dream feed about 10pm (which used to be my bedtime but tonight it will be 8.30 I think!), but my fears are twofold:

1. that it will wreck only decent stretch of sleep DS has, roughly 7.30-11.30/midnight

2. that it will just reinforce feeding every two-two and a half hours

DH's theory - which sounds great - is that I'll feed DS who will then crash for 4-5 hours, and so can I. I don't think there's the remotest chance it will have that effect, partly because DS isn't waking up through hunger, at least not every time, and partly because I have got to the stage where I just don't believe I'll ever get proper sleep again and can't have faith that anything will affect DS' sleep for the better. On the one hand I have nothing to lose and potentially much to gain, but at least DS sleeps for 4ish hours when he first goes down and I can't bear the thought of cocking that up.

Secondly, on the basis that it's reasonable for DS to have one or two night feeds at just turning 4 months, how does he differentiate between a time when he's expected to settle himself back to sleep without a feed, and a time when Mother and Father deem it acceptable to have a feed? The logic of that one is passing me by.

Just can't decide whether to try the dream feed. Help!

i wouldn't. go with demand feeding then at least you know that one of you knows what they're doing! also is probably a growth spurt and of course he probably has digested all the milk after 2.5 hours as well.

I agree with you, dream feed silly idea. That stretch will naturally get longer IME.

How frequent are his feeds during the day Mrs HD? If they're typically at least 3 hours apart (and that he's going 4hrs without food from 7.30pm), he is able to go longer than 2.5hrs. If this is the case I'd be tempted to try doing a dreamfeed at 11 every night for at least a week then, presuming he takes a good feed at this time, not feeding again until 3 hrs later - so you'd feed 11, 2, 5, then whenever he wakes for the day.

It'll take him a few nights to adjust to this though and he'll continue to wake out of habit at other times until he does.

If you dreamfeed at 11pm initially, then this isn't too much earlier than his usual 11.30pm wake up and then if you find it's just not working, you haven't sacrificed too much of his long sleep stretch. If you do find it works, then you can pull forward the dreamfeed by 15 minutes or so every few days until you get to 10pm.

We've just been through the same thing with DD, and now when she wakes in the night I have learnt to differentiate between a cry that says 'I'm hungry, feed me now' to one that says 'oh I've woken up and it's still night time, grumble grumble, better go back to sleep then...'.

How about a 'preemptive' dream feed at 11 or so, before your lo wakes up for a feed? And how about getting your DH to do the feed to give you a longer stretch?

If your ds isn't hungry when he wakes would you consider a * whispers * soother/dummy? He might just need the comfort of sucking?

We did the dream feed at midnight. At that age we fed our daughter at 6pm and 8pm, then put her to bed. Dream feed at midnight, and then she usually woke up at about 3 or 4 am for her second night feed.

The crucial thing was that it was a time that suited us. I was breast feeding, but would go to bed at about 10pm, and dp would use a bottle for the dream feed, so it meant I slept was in bed from 10 - 4 am SIX FULL HOURS! Also, we had a fairly good routine of 3 hourly feeds during the day, and then 'tanked up' dd with a couple of feeds closer together before bed. It seemed to work that way for us.

Sounds to me like babe is nt ready for dream feed thingys yet. I would continue to demand feed. Sorry but l know it seems like forever right now but it passes very quick. My Dd is 15 weeks and we are at a similar stage. My one thing is l feed her and DH winds her and puts her back. No messing either or chating or lights. My one thing would be let your baby go off to sleep on their own after every feed. Also you should go to bed when baby does and get your 5 hours then whats the point in waiting for 11pm. Go with the flow as best you can. It does pass in what later seems a blink of an eye.

He feeds frequently during the day, every 90 mins-2 hours, and if we go over that due to being in the car or something he is NOT happy! He's not too chuffed about a bottle and we have three other children including two teenagers, one doing GCSEs, so DH already has his hands full in the evg and helps out LOADS in all sorts of ways. He's agreed to give DS a bottle of EBM at bedtime - or at least try to - once a week or so just to keep/increase DS' familiarity with the bottle. Not keen on dummies as I know sooo many people whose lives have become absolutely dominated by getting out of bed 20 times a night to plug the darn thing back in their LO's face. Would prefer DS sucked a muslin or his thumb.

Last night was bad and good. He was down by 8pm (fought it a bit last night), then woke uber-early at 10.45. Fed him, then he woke around 1am, but beyond registering it on some level I didn't wake up enough to do anything. It wasn't deliberate, my body just didn't permit me to wake up or get up! He obviously went back to sleep without too much fuss or I would have woken more fully. Then woke at 3am and fed, so four hours since last feed. Another feed at 6.15am, so 3 hours, which is better than we have been having. Woke for the day about 8.45am. Will have to see what tonight brings.

I started by doing a dream feed at 10.30ish and have completely ruined DS's only decent chunk of sleep every night. He now wakes between 9pm and 10pm without fail. Wish I'd never bothered.

same as feralgirl - we tried a dream feed and baby (10 weeks) now wakes automatically at 10.30 and then every 2-3 hors through the night rather than going down at 7 and sleeping a big chunk until 12/1am. MISERY!

good luck with whatever you do!

My instinct was not to do it. I think he's gradually stretching his chunks of sleep again. I prefer not to interfere but nights were getting so damn knackering I'd got to the stage where I thought I should do something, but it seems hands-off is the best policy for now!

I would try it & see how it goes. Give it a week & then reassess the situation. Many many people have done the dream feed & it's worked well for them. For us it worked very well too. Mainly because it was a feed before our own bedtime & then DS gradually stretched his later night feed (we then started having other problems with dummy use, but that's another story, and YES I would agree don't use a dummy, it may cause huge problems later). Feeding on demand is all well & nice, but I think at 17 weeks you can start 'helping' your DS sleep a bit longer if possible. There's no use in him having his long stretch of sleep earlier, when you're awake anyway, might work nicely if you shift things around a bit so that he gets used to sleeping his long stretch 11-4 or something like that. Babies adjust very very easily to changes such as this. And if in the end it doesn't work after a week's time, you can then go back to skipping the dream feed.