How to stop dd from getting in our bed?

[LaDiDaDi]

Dd is almost 3. We occasionally co-slep when she was very little but she was mostly in her moses basket then cot. Sometimes if she woke (rarely then) she would come into our bed in the night. Now that's she's in her own bed (past 6 months or so) she wakes about 9/10 nights and comes into our bed, either we bring her in or she walks up to the side of the bed to climb in.

Now, I don't mind her coming in, in fact I love cuddling her up when she's asleep. Dp complains a bit but if he's getting v. disturbed or is really tired then he happily goes into the spare room so essentially both of us would have been happy to continue as we are and assume that eventually she will stop wanting to be in our bed quite so often of her own accord.

The thing is that I'm now pregnant and both of us agree that we can't cope with the idea of a waking baby plus a waking dd and I would struggle with dd being in our bed plus a baby in a moses basket and then not feeling safe to co-sleep with the new baby if needed for bf because of having dd there. I'm not due in until Dec so this could all be a bit academic still and is at least a long way off but I want to start something now so that dd doesn't associate the change with a new baby.

I normally don't use star charts as I don't like the setting up of behaviour to only respond to extrinsic rewards but I'm struggling to think of an alternative as I don't want to upset her by sudddenly deciding that one night she can't come in with us and then sticking to it and us all being upset. I had hoped that with a star chart she might just start to prefer the stickers to the bedsharing but what if she doesn't?

Aargh. Apologies for long post but I'm in a puzzle as to how best approach this without upsetting dd.

Could you snuggle her and turn the radio on and explain that after 3 songs ( about 10 minutes) she will need to go back to her bed?

I would stick with the original plan, you still have a while to go, and I firmly believe that a need that is met will disappear.

Hmm, thinking maybe wait until after our summer hol (end of June) and introducing something then if there's been no change?

Mat|Nan, she goes straight to sleep in our bed, in fact she's usually not truly awake to start with iyswim.

can you gently lift her back to her bed?

she may not even remember coming into your bed after a while if she goes to sleep in her own bed and wakes up in her own bed?

I see, could you just carry her back to her bed? Could she be a bit chilled and so looking for warm snuggles?

I've never tried carrying her back, that's a good idea. I don't think that she's cold as if snything she's a hot little thing who always wants her legs out of the covers when she's with us.

I'd explain why she needs to sleep in her own bed and take her back. Tell her you love snuggling up, but you don't sleep so well and keep needing the toilet - you are pregnant after all! She is 3, credit her with the intelligence to understand, she'll probably live up to your expectation. I'd be more worried to stop the habit of waking at 9/10. How come she wakes up? Too hot/cold/needs reassurance/habit?

Oh, sorry she wakes up 9 out of 10 nights, no particular time but always quite far into the night ie after we have gone to bed.

I think it started as reassurance and now is habit tbh.

Oops, just read she doesn't really wake up! If she's not properly awake why not just treat her as still asleep and put her back to bed? Use quiet words saying "it's still sleepy time my love, lets go back to bed" or words to that effect! Tell her in the day that's what you'll do and do it. Unless you want her in with you?

Could you take her back to her bed, and lie/doze with her until she goes back to sleep? That way it reinforces the idea that she sleeps in her bed, not yours, but you're not just sending her back to bed and leaving her to it.

Can you put her back in her bed, and if she's still a bit awake get in with her for a few minutes?

DS is only 15mo but in a toddler bed and he still has one night feed. He's often still slightly awake after it but if I lay down next to him he'll go back to sleep on his own in just a couple of minutes. He still feels safe but he's in his bed (We'd happily have him in ours but he sleeps dreadfully in there!)