Need tactics for 14 mo to get to sleep

[laraeo]

Here's the situation. DS is bfed each night to sleep - yeah, I know I've done this to myself to a certain extent but I'm on my own right now and it's the most expedient thing to get him to sleep. He usually wakes up once/night gets a quick feed and then back to sleep until about 6:30 - 7am. DH has been overseas for the past 9 months and is due back at the end of the week. After a few days of settling in time, I'd like him to take over the bedtime routine (and the morning routine too but I think that feed will be easier to drop). What I'd really like are some tactics to get DS to sleep at night. DS is not very keen on milk from a cup and he's not had bottles. I understand the idea of mixing up the bedtime routine from what I usually do - i.e. not milk right before bed - but what can I suggest to DH? Do I put him on the computer and have him google cc? Or the NCSS? I'm afraid if I don't have a primary plan and a backup I'm going to continue being responsible for the bedtime routine - and it's not that I don't want to be responsible, I'm just ready to stop bfeeding.

Can you start reinforcing other aspects of the bedtime routine? That way, the feed might not be the only cue to sleep. We always have the same story, look at a poster and talk about the animals then dd (14mo) turns out the light.

I think the main thing is that you will probably have to be prepared for a few days of it being difficult before it settles down. DD stopped bfeeding about 2 months ago because my milk had run out - for a few days she'd wake up for a feed, have a try, get really angry that she wasn't getting anything but would then calm down and go back to sleep. I think that happened about 3 times and then she just stopped waking up.

The bedtime feed was dropped in the same sort of way although she just started biting so it was a very easy decision for me .

The only other thing is that if you cut out the morning feed first you might find that your supply dwindles and it happens more gradually.

Thanks 93pjb. I think we will try to drop the morning feed first. It'll be a race to see how quickly DH can get DS's breakfast made! I think we'll have to try mixing things up a bit when we get to dropping the night feed. I was thinking perhaps to feed first and then give DS to DH to bathe, read to, etc. I know we'll have several miserable nights - especially as DS is extremely stubborn - I was just hoping he'd have lost interest by now . I've been putting this off because I didn't want to have the miserable nights all to myself - that would be greedy!

Your DH needs time to bond with his DS... and what better time than bed time? Give them some time to get to know each other (including ALONE time when your DS is awake and perky) and then let your DH take over bedtime duties.

He and your DS will figure it out for themselves. Definitely NO CC -- it will ruin their bond! Lots of cuddling and reassuring and no Mummy interfering (makes it take longer/worse). It will do loads for your DH's confidence if you don't go in with good intentions because what you really do is undermine him.

Remember that what works for you almost certainly won't work for your DH. At this age, I HAD to nurse DS to sleep, but with DH he would lie in his bed like an angel and go off while DH pootled on his laptop.

Oh, and none of that 'rod for your own back' stuff about nursing to sleep. It works for both of you, and don't you feel the need to stop it until that changes.

Yes it is important to share in parenting isn't it

We always have porridge in the morning and have now resorted to a banana first because DD would be starving and get cross looking at a bowl of too hot porridge while we waited for it to cool. Actually, there are few issues in life that can't be solved by bananas right now...

Hope it all works out for you, as ches says, the bonding is the thing.

DD loves animals at the mo so I got her a poster of farm animals but dh put it on the wall and he's the one who shows her the pictures and makes the noises. It seems to help for them to have their special things to do together (think this is a pattern now - look at the lovely present that daddy bought you, isn't he a thoughtful daddy )

Thanks for your help/support. DH is back now and taking a well deserved nap (as is DS ).

Being American I'll admit I don't understand the "rod for your own back" saying other than some will feel I created my own problem with feeding him to sleep. I agree, I don't see it as a major problem now - as long as he goes to sleep happily, that's what I care about.

They'll be getting some male bonding time next week when I take my long anticipated trip to Ikea (DH hates shopping there & I could go every week), lunch with some friends, etc.

93pjb - do you give your dd any milk in the morning before breakfast? We do porridge too and I could see giving DS a piece of fruit to tide him over until the porridge is ready.

Thanks again.

DD doesn't seem to mind if it is milk or water - I think she is just thirsty when she wakes up so usually I just give her water.

Agree re bfeeding to sleep. Why do people think there are rules about how you should do these things? Everyone is so different, their circumstances, their child etc. how could one approach possibly be right for everyone? It's what right for you and your child and also that will change too from time to time.

Anyway, good luck and enjoy ikea too. I would really enjoy a childfree trip especially if someone loaded and unloaded the car for me