Does co-sleeping make baby clingy

[twinklingfairy]

I have co-slept with DS since he was tiny (premmy baby, then had undetected hernias until 6 weeks, so cried constantly and needed comfort)
My mum now feels that this is the reason he cries and cries when he is in anyone arms but mine and says I should put him in the big cot.
I have a rocking crib in our room which he sleeps in from 8 -1 (twice now 4!)
But, if I try to put him back in after that BF he whimpers and whines so I take him back in with me so he doesn't shout. It is just so much easier, he settles immediately with me then. I see him again abot 6ish but he doesn't wake or want fed until 8ish.

Putting him in the big cot means putting him in another room, with DD, who sleeps like a dream but has only just moved into the big bed.

On top of my mum saying move him. My MIL is coming up to look after them for a night, in a few weeks, and I don't think she is keen on the whole co-sleeping thing.
Should I sort it now so she doesn't have to?

DS is just 24 weeks, nearly forgot that bit
Also, in fairness to DS, if I disappear, he is fine with others. MIL looked after him whilst DD and I went swimming, as does the neighbour every week, and he is fine with them.

We have coslept with my DD on and off for the last 3 years (she is 3.5) and she is very independent and outgoing. She now often sleeps in her own bed (she comes in with us if she has a nightmare or is unwell).

I say if it's easy and you're enjoying it - don't worry about it!

Hi Twinklefairy,
In my experience, co-sleeping does not create a clingy baby. It's more the other way round - some clingy babies need co-sleeping.

I have a dd (4.6) who slept brilliantly in her own cot from 8 months. She never co-slept, and I wasn't particularly into the idea. Then we had ds, and my ideas had to change bigtime. Like your ds, he would sleep fairly well (in his own cot) for the first part of the night, but then from 1-ish on the ONLY way he would settle was to co-sleep. Believe me, I tried many different ways of settling him in his cot. Eventually I had to accept that some babies need more comfort than others, and he is one of them.

Ds is 15 months now, and sometimes actually sleeps through the night in his own cot. If he wakes though he still comes in with us. I wouldn't say he is clingier than other babies his age.

Sorry for waffle, but please, go with your own instincts, not those of your no doubt well intentioned mother and mil.

lets remember that historically babies and children have always co slept with their mothers and it hasn't created generations of clingy children!

Thanks everyone. I think I just need to hear it from others before I can be strong enough to follow my instincts.

More please

Nope, think all the research suggests that long term, co-sleeping makes for confident and therefore independent children.

Co-slept with dd (terrifyingly independent) but not with ds (needs lots of reassurance & confidence boosting)

You don't need to change your sleeping arrangements or the way you parent because your mum thinks so, or because your MIL will be babysitting for one night! Follow your instinct and you won't go far wrong.

I am such a terror for trying to please my mammy. Always thinking that I am bowing to experience. She has 4 of us, she must know.
But I guess sometimes she doesn't.
My gut says keep him where he is, we are doing fine.
I think MIL will try to put him back in his cot and, perhaps, he will for her, but I have warned her that he prob won't. She is, of course, worried about rolling but I said that she will be instinctively aware of him. Also she will have the bed to herself so she can be waaay away from him.

Hmm - actually I am not sure your MIL will be instinctually aware. I think that only applies to you (someone correct me if I am wrong). So she does need to take extra precautions like keeping her distance etc. And if he does go back in his cot for her then fine - my mum always has this thing where she thinks she is a marvel at settling my DCs in their cots - but it doesn't make it right for you.

I know what you mean about wanting to please your mum. I've been the same but now I make sure that I don't compromise on the important things. After all she had her chance, now it's mine.

My dd has co-slept from birth. She is 23 months old. Independent, confident, feisty, curious, friendly etc.

I think co-sleeping in most cases makes for a more confident child.

Listen to your instincts.

I have never co-slept with ds.
He is and always has been clingy.
I don't think co-sleeping causes clingyness. It is far more complex an issue than that and to a certain extent is a normal developmental stage.

Sod your mil!

Hmm maybe you are right, provincial, I will tell her to put a barrier between her and DS.
A rolled up bath sheet perhaps?

Ooh, I am so pleased to hear how co-sleepers are confident.
DD was not a co sleeper at all but she is really confident too. I think that is probabably why I am able to be swayed re my mums feelings.

MIL is not trying to chnge anything, she is happy to leave me to mosey along on my own wee path, it is my own mum who tries to tell me 'how to'

have co-slept with both of mine. Neither are overly clingy. Yes, they enjoy comfort and cuddles (like any other child) but are independant and confident.

go with your gut.

my dd is 30 weeks, we co-slept on and off for 4/5 months, I absolutely loved having her near me and that she was so comforted and peaceful when I was nearby. She is now one of the most independent of our nct group and is very happy to be left playing on the floor, in her entertainer, with friends etc. Only time she is clingy is when she's tired. She now sleeps in her own room in cot and I only bring her into mine if she is unwell, or really upset/won't settle but she now settles herself to sleep for naps and at night so doing really well. I am really pleased that we had such a nice start with co-sleeping, although my back is knackered now and I'm in dire need of a massage...

I know lots of very clingy children who never co-slept with their parents.......

No

we co slept with dd both in our bed and with dd on bedside cot, this until she was 3

once she got her own bedroom she flatly refuses to come to ours unless it is to get us up

she is generally confident and settled fine in pre school

so no not clingy

So you want to change what works for you 364 nights of the year, to make it easier for your mum for one night?

FWIW I'd let your mum do whatever's easiest anyway (without letting her cry, of course) and accept it might be different from what you do. That;s what my mum does and it works v well (dd usually sleeps through for my mum now ). She'd settle dd in her cot and then sleep on a mattress on the floor with her if she didn't settle. She was v about co-sleeping tbh but admitted to me last week that she actually slept better next to dd.

I strongly believe co-sleeping makes children LESS clingy. Agree, dd settled easily at playgroup (once old enough) - she isn't clingy at all (though v affectionate), and we'll see with ds

Some children are clingy, some aren't. Where they sleep has nothing to do with it IMHO.