9 month old increasingly agitated at sleep times- pushing me away/crying. Whats going on?

[TheRedSalamander]

DS2 is 9 months old and over the last few weeks he is increasingly hard to settle. He's never been a great sleeper, and is particularly crap at settling himself to sleep (er, he's never done it). My fault of course because I've always fed or rocked him to sleep. He's mainly breast fed, or would be if he actually wanted my boobs any more ( but that's a whole other post!)

However, in the last few weeks even these things don't work and he just spends ages arching his back, trying to sit up in my arms, pushing/pinching/scratching and crying, basically anything other than relaxing enough to be able to go to sleep.

Does anyone know what could be going on here?

I dont have any great answer for you.
Have you tried to put Ds down for bedtime straight into his cot? It may be he wants the space to relax on his own?
It may be that he has wind or a bit of constipation.
I cant think of anything else at the moment. Sorry. i am sure someone with better ideas will come along soon.

Not sure what to say. You could try searching www.kellymom.com for information on "nursing strikes" (term used when babies under 1 year wean themselves from the breast).

Teething?

I think teething may play a part in the picture, he still hasn't got any but has been chewy and dribbly for weeks (ds1 was 15 months before his first so we could have a while to go yet).

I've tried putting him straight in the cot, but he wails terribly and gets himself so worked up that he's sick. I've never left him to cry for more than a few minutes- say when attending to ds1 if he has a more pressing need- but when I've been out a night a couple of times recently, he's woken up and dh hasn't been able to settle him at all because he wants my boobs. Ironically. DH has just had to hold him and let him cry (I was out of reception on mobile else would have come home) and on Tuesday night he sobbed for 90 mins, having been sick twice because he was so upset. Doesn't look like I'll be going out much in the future

He's just gone for a nap now however, managed to get him to sleep by cuddling him close with his head on my shoulder, bit of gentle swaying and minor patting. Just seems that as soon as anything gets close to being a routine and familiar, he realises whats coming and decides he doesn't want to go to sleep. Maybe it's a separation thing? Guess he's the right age...

At that age my DS started trying to resist sleep and getting almost a bit hyper before bedtime despite our best efforts. It's calmed down a little and he is back to going down for daytime naps. We've put it down to coinciding with a development stage. Almost as soon as he got properly mobile by crawling, and then again by being able to cruise and pull himself up to stand, sleep became harder. It is almost as if life is just so exciting now that he doesn't want to miss out. When he is really bad we just put him in a playpen with toys in the living room with us so he can be with us without us not being able to eat our dinner etc. He sits very happily quietly playing, often choosing to face the wall away from us and eventually slows down enough that he can be put to bed again. We've only had to do it a couple of times and it's not our first plan of attack. During the day I've had a couple of days where I've given up trying to encourage a nap even if he's clearly v tired. It means he's needed a much earlier bedtime but that has seemed to reset his body clock. Hope that helps

DS is a similar age. We have a whole barrage of other sleeping/feeding issues that will shortly be another thread, but we DH has found a method which is helping calm things down at bedtime and get him settled.

We sit him up in his cot, give him his comforter and then we stay in his room a few minutes. We just chat to him, potter a bit and put away clothes etc. Then we lie him down and cover him up and say night night, go out and close the door.

It has worked very well for the last week or so, he seems to find it very reassuring that we don't just dump him and run. Might be worth giving it a go?

RedS - my DS2 sounds very similar. He is now 15mths and only recently did my DH manage to settle him at night without an evening boob. Prior to this he cried hysterically whenever his dad tried to settle him or comfort him at night. From about 6mths I struggled to get him to go down without very long feeds (hours!) and if he woke at night he wanted boobs before going back to sleep.

It was particularly bad around the 9-13mth mark, but around 12 months I did manage to get him to accept water if he woke between 7pm-6am (although that went out the window when teething kicked in). Recently he has got better as he has been getting more aware of his surroundings, his place in the family, his cot & teddies etc. and I suppose his language is coming on a bit and he must understand me saying that it is time for sleep, I'll be back in the morning etc. Also, have started swapping things round a bit of bedtime. DH usually read stories to DS1 whilst I read & fed DS2; now we swap the story-telling and I just come in for the last 10mns to feed DS2 whilst DH tucks DS1 up. (Confusing?!) My idea is to get DH to be more of a feature of DS2's bedtime, so that the eventual move away from a bedtime boob is less obvious. When that will be, who knows. As long as it's before he starts school...

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. With DS1 I could have left him with anyone from 6mths and he would have happily accepted a bottle of EBM and, from 9 mths, go through the night. But DS2 is much more mummy/boob-oriented and I have found it a bit stifling at times. However, I try to reassure myself that it is not really for such a long time and that he will be a happy & secure kid as a result of all the cuddling he's been getting.

Thanks for support. Will give the pottering about trick a go Alibaba. Just received my copy of "The no cry sleep solution" and so avidly reading it, desperately hoping for a magic want that I know doesn't really exist

Smellen yes our ds2's do sound similar- especially in comparison to our other children- your ds1 sounds very alike mine too! Good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel though, thanks.

I know that one of the issues here is that ds2 doesn't really know how to relax, and that it's my job to help him learn but I'm so bloody knackered from the 4-6 night wakings, early starts and wonderful but tiring 4yo ds1 that at the end of the day, a longer bed time routine than I currently do sounds like torture. But I have to bite the bullet at some point I guess . Will report back on progress.

Hi, I just posted about the same thing here
FWIW I am pretty sure it is teething too. We had same (waking lots too) a few weeks ago and the first tooth appeared... gums are hot... fingers crossed.

He seems to settle better with dh and rocking though... I went out the other night and dh (finally) got him to sleep with his rock/sway thing.

am with you on the at a proper long bedtime routine... at the moment, I feed ds to sleep in our bed while dh puts dd to bed... job done. Will have to think about it a bit more.

Would be v interested to share progress/tips!

DD is doing the same thing this week, I'll be interested to see how you get on!

I dont have any advice but my dd is 20 months old and for the last 2/3 nights she wakes and when i respond she just pushes me away then dh goes in and shes fine (which not gonna lie upsets me!) She is teething so hoping this is the problem shes really loving towards me in the day just night time shes not. Hope everyone gets through this time!