Desperate for help...

[superdanovi]

Hello everyone. My son is 13 weeks old and bedtimes have suddenly turned into a complete nightmare. He screams and screams for up to two hours and no amount of picking him up / putting him down / shushing / patting / rocking / singing / dummy / soft toy will stop him. He has a bath which he loves, then a BF and then it all kicks off about 5 minutes after putting him down in his cot. The evenings have become dreadful, usually ending up with me in tears and often a row with my husband. Today I shouted at my little boy... a 13 week old baby. This is what it's come to. I'm mortified, and have no excuse other than sheer frustration and despair, but everything has gone wrong over the last couple of weeks. Was anyone else told that at 3 months things started to make sense? Well in my case, everything has regressed and nothing (sleep, feeding) is progressing in the right direction. Where on earth did I go wrong? I just want to run away and never come back. Can anyone help?

You certainly haven't done anything wrong! Please dont think that. Sometimes this just happens my dd1 was the same. She sort of went crazy at around 3 months just as all the other babies seemed to be settling into patterns. She too would yell every evening. All I can say is be kind to yourself it WILL pass. There is not much you can do but cuddle/feed. If anyone else has an answer to it I would be fascinated to know!

People kept telling us it was colic but I am convinced it wasn't physical but a developmental stage in her mind. She is now a cheerful happy toddler. For us it lasted from 3 months - 7 months. Good luck it sounds as if you are doing a fantastic job.

tis definitely not your fault, you have done nothing wrong!

Some babies are like that, that's all. And some of them become like that.

Have you considered co-sleeping? It's not for everyone, but if it helps you get a decent night's sleep, it's certainly worth considering.

When you get to the stage that you want to yell at your baby (and we've all been there!) put him down, make sure he is safe, leave the room, put a pillow over your head and yell as LOUDLY as you can. Take five minutes to compose yourself, then go back and "deal" with it.

I presume that your husband is taking his fair share as well? It's doubly tough if you're doing it all alone.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Just a thought - is there any chance he could still be hungry? Have you tried offering the breast again when he cries?

How many nights has it been like this and what were they like before?

It can be so hard sometimes, but you will get through this. They're so little at this stage that they change week to week, like Kerala says this will pass.

13 weeks could be a growth spurt, he could be still hungry. its not your fault, but remember its not his fault either.

its so exhausting, i have a chronic no sleeper so i know how you feel. i must say the only thing which worked for me was to just go with the flow. its such a short time in a baby's life, and yours really. i haven't slept in over a year, my baby wakes every hour and half and needs nursing back to sleep but i feel less knackered now, just go with the flow, relax about it .

some babies don't sleep well but it won't be forever.

good luck

Don't suppose you are a web designer are you?

Thank you for the support. Since my first post, we took him out for a walk around the block which got him to sleep, oHe's been up twice since, but a feed seems to have worked... for now.
Crazycatlady... in answer to your question, things suddenly went wrong about a week ago, and just when he was beginning to self settle so well! His last feed of the day is a big one, but I"ll try offering him more.
What baffles me is that its all gone wrong at once. His naps have also gone completely pear-shaped (35 minutes maximum) and there is no sign of him stretching the time between feeds. And just for laughs, he's started to wake up at 5:30am!! Feeling a bit calmer now, but am at a complete loss as to how I'm going to cope tomorrow. Husband is wonderfully supportive but works an hour away and so can't always be home for bedtime. Oh well.

Hobbgoblin, sadly not!! When you said web designer, you didn't by any chance mean molecular biologist did you??

DS went a bit mad at this stage fro aw hile he fed more so we put it down to a growth spurt, you are doing brilliantly and can totally empathise about the shouting bit.

Hi, I don't know if this will help, but my ds is 14 weeks old, and we had exactly the same problems getting him to go down to bed at night a couple of weeks ago.

Offering him the breast again seemed to work for a minute, then he would start up again, his naps were all over the place, and he seemed generally much grumpier

We tried everything we could think of, and eventually tried Infacol for wind - he is like a different baby , smiles, coos, and sleeps

Might be worth a try, I find that keeping him at a 45 degree angle or more while feeding, and plenty of winding during and after feeds has helped too.

HTH

I think sometimes the expectations and not meeting them is what can make the situation seem more difficult. It is so normal for a very young baby to go through waves of sleeping patterns, sometimes good, sometimes bad and there is not always a clear reason for this. My advice would be to try as much as you can to relax into his new routine. Don't worry about him self settling at this stage it is obviously causing you and him distress. Go with whatever works for you for a while.

My DS is now 2 and was not a good 'self settler' in the early days for the last year has been fantastic. He will go through so many phases of being able to do something and then something will change and you will be back to square one. Just go with and I can guarantee you will feel better for realising that you are not failing' in some way, you are just responding to his needs.

I know how you feel about the short naps and not-settling - I have a 12 week old non-sleeper myself. The only solution at the moment seems to be the buggy and co-sleeping after the first night feed.

Worth a try giving extra food if he'll take it. My DD was doing a similar thing a couple of nights ago (waking after about 40 minutes of going down to bed for the night) and was inconsolable - worked out she was still hungry even after a massive 7pm feed. Putting it down to a growth spurt, which could well be for your DS too at this age.

The week alone without DH can seem long when looking at it from Sunday evening, just take every hour as it comes and you will cope. Long walks with the buggy and MNing when you get a chance will help! And it's a 4 day week this week too xx

I agree with all the messages that tell you you're doing nothing wrong and there's nothing wrong with your child. My daughter was nearly 10lbs at birth and continued to grow apace. She also suffered from terrible colic, so I was faced with her waking every 2-3 hours throughout the night screaming, either with hunger and/or colic. I felt so frustrated I also shouted and lost my rag and felt very ashamed afterwards. It's normal. I knew my daughter was getting plenty of food because she was piling on the pounds. I can completely relate to the ear-piercing screams that refused to abate. I found that offering the boob every time she woke up helped enormously, even though it sometimes made her colic worse: she was hungry. At four and a half months, she was ready to go onto solids, and almost immediately the terrible nights stopped and she's been a solid sleeper ever since (she's now 2). It was a short but exhausting period and I'm sure it will improve. I also introduced a bottle very ealry on so that my husband could step in and help out. This is really important. You need a break. Hope this helps and good luck.

Thanks so much for all the messages of support. Today was actually a good day, despite having started with the mother of all tantrums at his first nap... At bedtime, we changed the routine slightly and he went down on his own with only a bit of fussing!! God how I hope that this is a turning point, and even if it isn't, I'm comforted to know that he does have it in him to go down calmly! Thanks again everyone.