How much of a 'rod for my own back' am I making?

[Marla1980]

Hiya, My 5 week old is very hard to put down for naps. We try to get her in her cot in her room as much as possible but often end up using many 'sleep props' and I can't decide how bad this is.
For daytime naps she almost always needs a dummy, some noise (radio or white noise cd) and we even put in the vibration machine off her bouncy chair if she really needs it.
I know that using sleep props isn't great, but maybe its the lesser evil because otherwise she will simply not sleep and after a day or two of that she is besides herself (and so are we!)
What do you think? Will she always need these props?

Well, I'm not an expert but I'd say go with it for the time being. She's still so little and you all really need your sleep.

Do whatever works.
Have you tried swaddling her tightly. That worked for mine a lot of the time at this age.
Don't worry about the 'rod for your own back' thing. You do whatever you and your baby are happy with.

We swaddle in the daytime naps but don't at night, somehow she needs it less at night. How long can we carry on using props before they become a problem do you think?

Carry on until she doesn't need them or they stop working.
If they become a problem for you then worry about that when it happens until then enjoy the peace it gives you and the comfort it gives your baby.
It's not a bad thing to give your baby things that comfort her.

I really wouldn't stress about this sort of thing at 5 wks. Babies go through lots of developmental stages and what works one month may not work the next & vice versa. At five weeks they don't have the memory required to 'acquire' bad habits, so use whatever works (as long as it's safe!)

BTW, I had heard that HVs are now recommending "half swaddling" (i.e. from under the arms downwards as opposed to from neck down) as being too hot is dangerous for little babies who cannot regulate their body temperature in the same way as older children & adults.

I was quite neurotic fearful of 'making a rod for my own back' when ds was little and I wish now that I had been more laid back and gone with the flow. FOr the frst few months, just do anything. Whatever it takes. It will not always be this way, honestly. My ds is 2.7 and my best friend and I had our babies a day apart. She did the snuggling while I let ds cry. Ds slept through first, but by the time they were both 18 mths, they were both sleeping through the night. I have a ds who is very insecure and now wakes looking fo rme while hers is much more confident and relaxed and a better sleeper. Granted, this wouldn't stand up to scientific investigation, but really, please, if your baby wants held and you can hold her, then hold her. It won't last long.

That wouldn't have worked for my babies, smellen. It was their arms waving about that kept them from settling(startle reflex). Once they were contained in the swaddle they settled down.
So, full swaddle for us. If it seemed they might get too warm, then I swaddled them with only a vest on underneath.

Juule - just passing on what I've heard is "good practice" - up to the mother concerned to decide what is best for her LO.

Nicky2x - that is interesting. Had posted recently about whether or not to do mother-led night-weaning for DS2 who still wakes up for a feed at night at 15mths. Then miraculously, he slept through last night for eleven hours, had a boob, then went back for another 2 hours! Whether or not this happens again remains to be seen, but it gives me hope that eventually he will go through. Your post gives me hope that I am doing the right thing by him in terms of making him feel that he's answered when he cries. Sorry you have regrets about the choices you made, but FWIW, I found our eldest, previously a good sleeper, went through a stage at about the same age, of waking up night, screaming etc. After a few months, and a lot of sticker charts, things have improved, so it could also be a developmental stage.
Sorry to hijack your thread Marla - can only say that "going with the flow" might make the whole experience of new motherhood lots more enjoyable for you & baby.

That's okay smellen
I'm just trying to work out what the point of a half-swaddle would be. I thought the idea of swaddling was an attempt to recreate the secure, held feeling that babies are used to in the womb and restrict flailing limbs.

Yes, Smelly, it probably is a stage he will grow out of. If we have another though, I will be more huggy. Not attachment parenting (too much the other way for me!) but a bit more hands on. That's if my toddler will let me, lol!

we swaddled with one arm out (but held round the elbow lol. ) which prevented startle. dd wouldn't settle with both arms 'in' lol.

the other day someone referred to this as the 'survival' stage btw - not for the baby, for the parents - whatever works, go with the flow. no rods at 5 weeks.

Oops! SMELLEN, not Smelly!

No offence taken

That's a good point, Starlight.
Thinking about it, I tended to carry mine around and put them down when I realised they'd nodded off. Most times they would already be asleep or well on their way when I put them down. Whether it was after a feed or from carrying or holding them.

We were so worried about sleep props that we even hired a sleep consultant when our DS (PFB, yes) wasn't sleeping through at 6 months. She greatly put our minds at rest by pointing out that sleep props aren't necessarily, in themselves, a bad thing - the trick is to make sure that the sleep props you use are ones that don't need constant input from you to keep them working. Dummies, for example, can be tricky because if your DD spits it out then someone (you!) will need to pop it back in for her. But white noise, the radio or the vibration machine are much less problematic because you can leave them running all night if you need to.

Thanks for all the advice, glad to hear that maybe on the whole I can relax a little and stop worrying so much. Would hate to not enjoy her because I'm too bothered about doing the 'right thing' where sleep is concerned. Maybe I'll relax and have a few more cuddles whilst she is teeny!

MipPieMum - really interesting to hear what your consultant said, makes me think the only one that I might want to try to limit at this stage is the dummy, might try to work on that.

Madwoman - how does the one arm held at the elbow work? I can't quite picture what you mean.

Smellen - her arms are like a helicopter so really need the swaddling, but have thermometer in room and only have a nappy and vest on her underneath. Using the Grobag swaddling and make sure that I follow the temp guidelines.

Starlight - we did try to let her sleep in her own time until we realised that she never wants to sleep. So she only sleeps without encouragement when she is so tired she cannot stay awake any longer but by that stage she is so miserable and overtired its awful. Now we are following the 3hr routine of the 'Baby Whisperer' and she is doing much better, so much happier between naps now that she is getting some sleep, its just the mechanism of getting her to sleep I was worried about IYSWIM.

My dd is 13 and still has her 'sleep prop" - her teddy bear. Ds is 8. and has a very tatty silk scarf and a dinosaur. I don't see the problem - anything that helps when they are little.

Plus please don't forget you are talking about a 5 wk old baby here. Just over a month ago she was cushioned and cuddled in amniotic fluid, warm and cosy 24/7, listening to your heartbeat and the ambient noise of your voice, telly etc. It's not going to hurt her if you comfort her the best you can whilst she is little. They'll be time enough to "sleep train" or whatever later on.

Enjoy those cuddles. The first few years will soon pass.

Do whatever it takes to survive the first three months.