Please please could I have some dummy + swaddle advice?

[bigmummabear]

Sorry, yet another dummy thread...

And it's really really long...

I think we've got ourselves into a really crazy situation and would really appreciate some advice.

DS, 7 months, has always been a pretty terrible sleeper. He was swaddled as a baby and that seemed to help, so we kept going, and he now sleeps with his arms sort of tucked in to a folded triangle of cellular blanket (the idea was that this would help the transition).

He also has a dummy, as without one the only way I could get him to go down in his cot was to breastfeed him until completely utterly asleep.

The problem is that he's still waking lots in the night - but with no real pattern. Last night for example he woke at 9pm and 11pm, and I gave him the dummy, then he slept until 5.15am. So he CAN do without it, but my fear is that he'll just keep waking more and more for it - when he does wake it's the only thing that will calm him (apart from a breastfeed).

That said, though, the tucked-in arms seem more important to help him sleep than the dummy (if he's not tucked in he'll wake every 40 mins) but obviously they rule out him ever being able to find it for himself. Also, it's not even as if he LIKES his dummy that much - he has never ever had it in the day, and will just pull it out given the opportunity. But sucking does send him to sleep.

My DH tried to take things in hand at the weekend and ditch the dummy. DS cried for 40 minutes (with us going in regularly for reassurance), then woke 5 hours later and cried for another 40 minutes (same as before) and slept for another 4 hours. It was absolutely horrible, but we thought that
we needed to 'see it through'. We put ds down for a nap the next morning, he cried for about 20 minutes... but then woke up 5 minutes later. I decided that it obviously wasn't 'working' that I just couldn't put ds through any more crying for so little sleep.

Sorry to go on and on. Basically, it looks like we've ruled out cc, we're stuck with a crazy situation which can only get worse, I feel like I'm a terrible mum who's buggered everything up by introducing all these props and have no idea what to do.

Please, can anyone help?

You don't sound like a terrible mum at all.

Personally, I would carry on doing what you're doing - letting him have the dummy to get to sleep (allows YOU much more sleep than having to feed him!) There will be plenty of time to wean him off it later on... my 1st two Dcs had dummies at night until they were 2 and it was no real problem getting rid of them.

He is still very little, the sleeping will improve naturally when he starts crawling around and wearing himself out!

thanks mersmam - I was in a real state when I posted this morning, but feel better now! I think I'll carry on as we are, throwing in a bit of rocking / head stroking when I can when it works... You provided some much needed perspective!

bigmummabear taht is nearly exactly the same situation as us. We wake him at 10.30 to feed as we have tried not doing this and he wakes up more often in the night. If he wakes before 10 we pop his dummy in which usually works, however that doesnt seem to cut it in the middle of the night! He keeps going through phases of either waking once at bout 4.30 or twice bout 2.30 and 5am. Until about 1 month ago he would just feed anfd go back to sleep which i could cope with but now it seems that he wants to have a chat or cry. if he ahd his own room i'd just keave him to it for a bit to see if he'd setle himself, but we only have 2 bedrooms and if i put him in with DS1 then both of them would be awake and ds1 is a really good sleeper and i want that to continue.( Co insidently ds1 slept through from last feed at 10pm at 4.5 months!)
We also swaddle and sometimes co sleep. I use a sheet to swaddle and need to reswaddle at least once in the night.
We swaddle mainly as he scratches like mad if his hands are free and wakes himself up. We are looking into buying a peke moe sleep sack as its a grobag that his arms and hands stay inside so hopefully he wont be able to scratch just rub. I'll then tuck him tightly in with a thin sheet. Hopefully this will work although im not against swaddling him for longer if i need to. You never hear of a teen still being swaddled do you!!! As for the dummy my ds1 used 1 and now at 3 rarely has it( when really upset to help calm down and if wkes up in night more than twice!)
so im quite happy to use it now and wean off later. I think you're doing fine and sometimes we just have to do whatever it takes to get some sleep! If you're a terrible mum than so am i

urghh yep hugs to you.. I went through the same thing, we ended up putting our boy into a Peke Moe sleep sack - www.pekemoe.co.nz and attached his paci/dummy to the front with a short strap (so it wasn't a strangling hazard) we would go in and guid his hand to the dummy, then guide his hand to his mouth and within a couple of nights he was able to get his dummy back for himself. worked really well for us. Good luck!

Have you seen the sleepytot baby comforter?. That worked for us to help our baby find the dummy and took 2 nights. Maybe you could try a sleeping bag and teach him how to use the Sleepytot - shouldn't take long at 7 months.

Whatever you decide to do, you're not a bad mum. you just want some sleep! we've all been there. x

Thanks so much for all the advice - will be giving it a go! X