I knew this would happen...

[MrsHD]

DS had his belated '8' week check today, at 12w 2d, plus first jabs. We've had a bad run of nights lately with him wanting four feeds a night (excluding bedtime and breakfast feeds), and the doctor asked about his sleep habits, specifically how long was his longest stretch of sleep, to which the answer is an average of 5 hours. Predictably, she told me he didn't need feeding in the night, or at least nothing like as frequently as that.

Now thing is I agree with the last point, esp as he doesn't always feed too brilliantly for the third and fourth feeds, it's more a quick suck and back we go to sleep. I'm not keen to perpetuate habits that aren't good for either of us. The doc said that he needs a fasting period and also said that big hungry boys (17lbs...) often want to feed in the night for the pleasure of it. She even said that it's not good for him to have those calories in the night.

I'm sure there are MNers fulminating at this, but she came across as a very knowledgeable, sane doctor and I felt quite a lot of respect for her, never having met her before. I can't dismiss what she says as a load of rubbish, esp as she recommended exclusive BF for 'at least' six months because of DS' eczema - she seems pretty sound. I read so much on this board about how babies should have milk in the night if they want it and babies know what's best for them etc etc that I'm now rather confused. I'm not going to do anything in the aftermath of these jabs, he can do whatever he does for the next three or four days/nights, but I can't cope on the minimal sleep I'm getting and am inclined to try to cut out most night feeds over the next few weeks. What do MNers think? and btw no, we won't co-sleep, been there, done that, doesn't work for us.

Thanks

Hi sweetie. good work on BFing 12wk old to 17lbs...you must be eating lots of spinach . your doctor does sound very sensible. good advice about the 6 month exclusive BFing etc. I have brilliant, very sensible Doc too. She told me at 6 months I had to stop night feeds completely and do controlled crying with DS which I did. It was the worst advice I could have taken. It initially worked (for 1 night) and then something else troubled DS and he kept waking and feeding was the only thing that would calm him down. Now I understand that your Doc hasn't suggested CC but the point I'm trying to make is that even brilliant doctors can give bad advice sometimes. Personally I think night feeds in a 12 week old is 100% normal. To sleep through at this age I think is very rare. I know you're tired and maybe feeding 4/5 times a night is a little too much, so perhaps just work on cutting down feeds rather than eliminating. Could DH help out by doing some rocking/sshhh patting? If you're with DS, he's gonna smell your milk and then you've got no hope of getting him to sleep without a feed. At least of you could gradually cut down to say 2 night feeds, you could get a stretch of 4 hours sleep, which is heaven in my opinion!

To me, this is all about what different people mean by 'need'.

I would say that a 12 week old baby who wants something also 'needs' it. They are still to young for there to be a difference between want and need. Many would disagree with me.

On the other hand, he's not going to expire for want of some of his nighttime feeds, so if you want to cut down or stop maybe the third and fourth feeds, I'd say go ahead.

I do think the dr is talking bull about the fasting period and the nighttime calories though.

And I think a 5 hour stretch at 12 weeks old is fantastic. But then my DS is 3 years old and rarely manages longer than 5 hours before waking and needing reassurance, so I have warped 'normal' sense when it comes to sleep.

If you need sleep, and he doesn't nutritionally require the milk (as is my view and the doc's) then you know what has to go don't you?

Thanks. My feeling atm is to cut down to two night feeds for certain, and see how we go from there. I'm not against night feeds altogether and certainly don't expect sleeping through at 12 weeks, but four feeds a night does seem a bit OTT. Still have some thinking to do on it, but will go with the flow til I feel he's over his jabs.

Apparently this knowledgeable doctor has not heard of growth spurts? 5 hours continuous at this age is great! I'm still waiting and DS is 2 already (and none the worse for wear). Seriously, what's going to happen if you feed your baby breast milk in the night? Will his head explode? Only if his brain gets so big on all that lovely brain-building hind milk which is so plentiful at night!

If you want to cut down the night feeds, pick the smallest feed and try to space it out further and further or eliminate it cold turkey. Let feeding be the last option for getting him back to sleep, rather than the first one. Send in his dad if he'll settle for him. When that feed is well and truly gone, pick the next smallest. Then, just as you get used to more sleep, the 6 month sleep regression will hit, he'll wake up every other hour during the growth spurt, and because you're used to more sleep, you won't know how to cope.