desperately need help - dd (2) won't go to bed!

[megthedog]

We're having a bit of a nightmare with dd just now, has been going on for the past few months - aargh!

She used to be no bother at all, but I think since ds2 was born (13 weeks ago) she's decided she doesn't want to go to bed at her usual time. Instead she faffs about downstairs, eventually falling asleep on the sofa at around 9pm most nights, though last night it was 10pm! Not good. She is extremely hard to deal with, her tantrums are unbelievable, and I think that we've let it go too far just for a quieter life.

ds1(5) goes to bed at around 7.30pm, she used to go up with him. But now dh takes them both up, reads them a story, and she comes back down, point blank refusing to get into her cot. If we try to put her in it she screams blue murder, ending up with her vomiting, without fail..

So she falls asleep on the sofa and one of us carries her up to her cot. Once she's in bed she's there for the night, no problem. She usually has to be woken in the morning as she's tired from being up too late.

What can I do? She's in such a habit of hanging about downstairs now I don't know where to begin. She's 2.1. She naps most days (on the damn sofa) for around an hour, though I do find on days she doens't nap she'll fall asleep earlier (on the SOFA!)

The sofa sleeping in itself isn't really that much of a problem, it's the going to sleep too late and the lack of time for me and dh in the evenings which are bothering me.

Do you think it's time to move her into a bed? She is quite tall for her age. Any hints as to entice her back into a normal bedtime routine? I'm fed up with things the way they are.

Hi, I two DC 2 and 4 and they both went through phases of refusing to go to bed and falling asleep downstairs. I took advice from my sister in law and put DD (4 now, at the time 18 months) in her cot at 7 pm and left her to cry without going into her at all until she fell asleep on her own. It sounds really harsh and I must admit the first night it had me in tears. It took about 45 mins for her to stop crying the 1st night, about 20 minutes the second night and about 3 months the third night and by the forth she went down without a sound.

By the time I had DS (now 2)I thought I had been firm enough not to have the problem again but he had a very bad stomach bug whilst on holiday when he was about 10 months old so I put him in bed with me. Bad mistake. We spent the next 2 months like that . When he was a year old I decided I had to leave him crying as well but he turned out to be much stronger willed than DD. The first night he cried for an hour and then was sick everywhere. I felt mean and took him out ready to give in and then he smirked at me to let me know he had won. So back in the cot he went! It did take longer than with DD and he did go through phases of waking up in the night a while after that but now they both go to bed a 7pm and wake up at 7am so there must be method in the madness. I did come across a book detailing the method that was very helpful but I can't remember what it was called...maybe someone else will know? It might be worth a go, maybe you could chat to your Heath Visitor and get their advice as to whether it would work for you. Obviously it goes without saying that children need to be well and settled before you try it
Hope this helps and good luck

Thanks Rosie - I have tried putting her back in and leaving her, numerous times, but she pukes all over the place (on purpose, I think!) and I just can't be doing with that. Also, she shares a room with her big brother and I don't think it's fair on him to have her throwing an endless hissy fit, thus depriving him of sleep...the smell of vomit in the air...

I'm going to try moving her into a big bed. It might be exciting enough for her to want to go to bed. I'm worried that this will just mean that she can easily get out of it though!

It's really driving me insane. She is horrible throughout the day because she's tired. She's just had yet another tantrum over God-knows-what. I'm exhausted.

We had a similar issue.

We used to stay with him while he was in the cot till he calmed down and eventually dropped. At first this would be pick up, put down etc. We slowly over course of a couple of weeks lessened the contact during the calm down period ie rubbing his back, holding hand, sitting next to bed but not touching)

Eventually we got to the stage were we cold do stories, cuddle lights out and sleep.

Have youever tried putting her in the cot during the day to play with toys so she doesn't think its such a scary place?

she's not scared of the bedroom, or her cot, potplant, i think she just thinks it's fun to be downstairs with mummy and daddy...

last night we tried pretending we were going to bed so she had to too...cue more hysterics in her cot waking ds1 until we relented.

I've just set up a full size bed for her in place of her cot, and showed it to hrt to try and get her excited...she was not impressed.

am going to try the staying with her thing for a few nights...it can be hard to give her so much time when ds2 is crying to be fed though.

sigh.

i do feel for you...there's not much worse than sleep deprivation. If I hear of any other tips, I'll let you know

Are you bf-ing? I used to give the baby a feed and then take the toddler up to bed. While they were still in a cot, I would lie on my bed and read stories. If they were tired they normally nodded off and then I put them in the cot.

If in a bed I'd lie at the side on the bed and just lie quietly until they'd nodded off. Sometimes read stories first depending on how tired they looked (or didn't look).

Otherwise, we would let them stay downstairs lying on the settee until they fell asleep (just like you are doing now). But we would say that they had to close their eyes and be quiet or they'd have to go to bed. A lot of times they fell asleep quite quickly.

I think it's just one of those things and it passes like everything else.

Get rid of the nap, I'd say.
My dd was like this at around the 18-24 mth stage- if she napped for even half an hour, it would take her about 2 hrs to drop off at night.....Taking away the nap is a 'mare for a week or so, because you have a divilspawn tantrummy overtired monster to deal with (or so it felt like at the time) but then suddenly, whoooooosh, she was falling asleep by 7.30. (in about 30 seconds flat)

I always stayed with her till she fell asleep

Oh regarding the feeding of ds2, if you're not bf-ing could dh do that feed? Or maybe he could do the bedtime routine while you feed?

Also, it's great that once your dd falls asleep she and goes to bed she's there for the night. I would be careful that moving her to a bed might unsettle her and she might wake in the night, too.

well, last night.....

(dh usually does the bedtime routine but was working late, and I am bf'ing, juule!)

we had a major battle but I had steeled myself up for it...we did the stories etc and I said, night night; as usual dd says she wants to go back downstairs and kept getting out of bed! I kept putting her back in, resulting in huge tantrums and screams but I stuck to my guns - I needed her to see that I was the boss! She realised fairly quickly that she wasn't going to win this one...I sat on her bed quietly and she lay on the floor, eventually coming up to lie with her head on my lap. Then I told her that I was going to check on the baby and would be back in a few minutes...when I went back she had crashed out. By 8.30!

She stayed there all night. So, I'm anticipating a few more nights like that but I won't give up...

Thanks for all the help. As I said, she used to be great at bed time, obviously it's the baby arriving that's unsettled things for her. It's too easy to let them get away with different stuff for an easier life but talk about rod for your back!!!!