2 year old suddenly won't go to sleep on his own

[Fionn]

After thinking I'd gone through all the sleep problems years ago, ds2 aged 31 months has suddenly become very clingy at bedtime and insists that dp or I hold his hand in bed until he falls asleep. Up to this he has always been brilliant at going to sleep on his own, happy to lie in bed after a story with a tape on and be left alone to fall asleep. I can't think of anything that could have triggered this change in behaviour - nothing has changed at all in his routine.

We've tried holding his hand for a few minutes and saying we'll come go downstairs and come back in a minute (and of course doing it) but he just gets really upset and gets out of bed. He shares a room with ds1 and it disturbs him, so we've been giving in and holding his hand for a quiet life but don't really want to continue it. He has also ben waking once a night and refusing to be left alone. Could it just be a clingy phase (though he's fine being left at playgroup and with other people, it's just at bedtime) that we should indulge or should we try to tackle it? Any advice welcome, thanks!

We have a 2 year old who is suddenly refusing to go settle at bedtime and then waking early. Is it time to stop the lunchtime nap?

He stopped his afternoon nap around his 2nd birthday!

Fionn, you have my sympathies. I cannot advise you because I give in and stay with him till mine falls asleep as I am too exhausted to tolerate any form of sleep-training etc. but it doesn't take long. I also think this is the age that imaginations become very vivid and he may have new fears/phobias, I know my DS has been going on about spiders for weeks now and asking me if we have any (he's perfectly happy to play with his plastic spider!)

I have meant to do a search on fears/phobias but keep getting drawn into current threads and then falling asleep. Good luck, hope it gets sorted soon.

Fionn I have the same problem as you except he refuses point blank to go to bed. He does not have an afternoon nap.He does not go to sleep until about 10-11pm every night. Really getting us down now. It has just happened overnight. Anyone out there to help us out.

fionn, my toddler, now three, had varous sleep problems and loved someone being there while he fell to sleep or if he woke up - in his case he wanted someone to lie next to him in his bed.

There wasn't much we could do to reason him out of this, or punish him - both tactics guaranteed to upset him and wake him up further. He did grow out of it though. It was a phase.

I suppose you could try distraction - substituting something else for your presence. Get a favourite soft toy, give it a special mummy kiss in front of ds, tell your ds he can hold teddy or bunny's paw and they will cuddle him till he is asleep.

I'm not sure mine would have gone for this though, but it might be worth a try.

I thought I would post to extend my sympaties to you .... 'fraid I can't give too much hope to you though as my DS started playing up at 2yrs and 1 mth and although now he is much better now ... he is 3 yrs and 4 mths ... at going to bed ... he still wakes up a couple of times a night and wakes up v. early in the morning. I thought that it was all due to loads of upheavals after his second birthday ... but I also think it is to do with his age and 'testing the boundaries'
We are really strict ... some would say mean ... and don't give in about the early mornings ... he has to stay in his room until 7am, or we shut the door ... but TBH in the night he often crawls in with us and we don't notice for ages ... For Example I woke up last night at 2am, noticed a warm little body sleeping next to me, dozed off and woke again at 4am ... said small body still there ... ho hum ... I guess we are just used to it now ...
We did discover when it all started that DS was getting scared at being left ... also he was scared of the dark ... so we got a night light and went to check on him every 5 minutes or so ... or sometimes I would potter around outside his room so that he could see me ....
Blimey ... what a ramble ... not helpful AT ALL ...sorry ...

Thanks everyone for your comments - I knew I wouldn't be alone! If I thought it was just a short phase I would indulge it, but don't want to set up a bad habit and reverse the really good falling asleep routine that he had until very recently. I agree clucks, it is the age where imaginations are developing so it could be a fear of the dark alone (even though it's not completely dark and he's got his brother in there too!).
Doormat - how old is your ds? Our first child had a regular bedtime of 10pm or later until he was over 2, but it didn't bother us as he slept in the day, woke up at 8am and would sit there quietly playing or reading with us until bedtime. In retrospect I wonder how we did it but it didn't cause any lasting problems. When we decided we wanted him to go to bed at 8pm instead it didn't take too long to impose a new routine.

Fionn he was 2 in January. I know how frustrated you are. He used to go to bed between 7-8pm every night and stay asleep until morning. Like your ds he shares a room with his brother.His sleeping pattern has just changed overnight.No sign of nightmares or nothing.

We are experiencing this at the moment. Ds is 21 months on Sunday. He won't go to bed alone at the moment. I sat with him on out bed for ages tonight, and then put him down when dh got in from work. He screamed for ages, despite reassurances, but eventually fell asleep. Sounds mean, but how many times can you go in and reassure him, only to be met with louder screams as you leave?

Hw is also waking between two and five times in the early hours. We have finally decided that he is getting cold, despite being in a grobag. So, when he wakes, we put a blanket on him, and this SEEMS to be working (probably jinxed myself now ) I also think that the early mornings are causing the 5am wake ups. I am exhausted, and going to bed much earlier now, in an attempt to get more quality sleep in before waking.