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Sleep

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Original poster

controlled crying: when do you start?

26 replies

ranirani · 11/03/2009 20:25

My baby boy is just 2 weeks old, and he is not much of a crier really. But he devceloped a new habit now: when I put him on the breast, he sucks for 5-10 mins, then nods off, and as soon as I put him down, 5 mins later wakes up again. I put him to the breast, the sawe story- falls asleep after 5 mins. It can repeat itself 7 times in a row.
My in lows insist i should let him cry a bit, but I have read it is too early to start CC. For Christ's sake, he is only 2 weeks old! But they say: you are gonna have a problem because you will be tied up to him all the time, and I am self employed ( my DH as well) so I have to find few hours a day to do soem computer work. I still feel it is n way too early to start practicing CC. when do you actually start?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

louii · 11/03/2009 20:27

You dont.

Easy peasy doing computer work with a breastfed baby, just stick them on boob and work away.

morningpaper · 11/03/2009 20:28

Ignore them

Controlled crying is rarely recommended before one year

And lots of people think it is a bad thing to do at any point

You can find time to work when your DH takes the baby out for a walk or when you agree on some kind of children. Teaching your baby that he is going to be left in a room for a few hours so mummy can work during the day - so it doesn't matter if he cries - is abuse.

Anyway aren't you claiming maternity allowance? In which case you can't do a lot anyway.

Don't let them stress you out. Enjoy your new baby.

HeadFairy · 11/03/2009 20:29

What bollocks, tell your in laws they're wrong. bfing is tiring for tiny babies and they do fall asleep quite a lot at first. I used to tickle ds's toes, rub the palm of his hand (stimulates sucking reflex apparently) and tickle his ears to keep him awake. bf in a brightly lit room during the day and if need be undress him a bit so he stays awake. Do not do cc on a 2 week old!

Trinityrhino · 11/03/2009 20:30

you dont
breastfeed him whilst you work

dont bother breaking his trust/heart

hideous

compo · 11/03/2009 20:30

ignore the inlaws and do what feels natural
the advice iscc shouldn't be done before 6 months I think
I would take him out in the pram after a feed during the day, or in the car and then when you come back park the pram in the garden if sunny, or the hall and hopefully he'll sleep on, same with the car seat
congrats on ur arrival by the way
also get inlaws to take him for a walk so you can work if you really do have to

ScarletA · 11/03/2009 20:31

I did it at 6 months (the very earliest Michael Feber (?) recommends). Your baby is too young, it takes them at least 3 months to learn the difference between night and day! Do what louii says, pillow on your lap, baby on the pillow, boob in mouth and type away.

BeehiveBaby · 11/03/2009 20:34

I had hours to send on the computer at this age, there is even an acronym, Nursing At Keyboard . A simple sling or pashmina tied around you both once he is latched on will even allow both hands free.

Equally, you don't have to pick him up at the slighest whimper if you feel he really is tired and needs to settle.

oregonianabroad · 11/03/2009 20:34

ignore in laws.

this is normal for now.

you'll know when you are ready to separate from him a bit.

try a sling for support -- he'll stay asleep in there for longer snuggled near you, and you can get work done.

This phase won't last forever. Just enjoy being close to your baby.

morningpaper · 11/03/2009 20:37

I could play on computer but was unable to THINK COHERENTLY until my baby was much older

don't stress, just enjoy these weeks

congrats

Jojay · 11/03/2009 20:41

Just enjoy him - your in-laws are wrong about letting him cry.

If he's hard to put down once he's dozed off, try swaddling him.

4paws · 11/03/2009 20:41

You don't. {Evil emoticon at vile grandparents]. He just needs plenty of milk and mummy.

Though is he draining away every time or nodding off and not really feeding? If so you might want to ease him off gently if it's just chomping - depends if you are getting sore or not...

As for nice gentle techniques (but really 2 weeks is way too young to start worrying) Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - Hogg, or Pantley's The no-cry sleep solution

fifitot · 11/03/2009 20:46

Don't do CC at this age! Baby just needs his mummy! Lots of cuddles, let him sleep in a sling while you get on with stuff.

Pinkglow · 11/03/2009 21:57

Dont blame your in-laws they were proberly told to do this in their day, my parents did CC when I was 6 weeks on what they say was the advice in their baby book.

My DS would only sleep while being held or with a nipple in his mouth. Hes now 4 months and I can now put him down awake and he drops himself off to sleep. I did abit of no-crying sleep training at about 3 months. Prior to that I just held him to sleep.

Anyway the point is you cant form any bad habits at 2 weeks and yes it is annoying when they wont sleep on their own but that will only last for a very short period of time.

Or if he wants something in his mouth and your desperate for a solution you could try a dummy if he wants to go to sleep with something in his mouth.

tryingtoleave · 12/03/2009 03:43

If you want your baby to sleep in a cot at this age you will either need to settle the baby in the cot (which is hard) or hold them for a long time (up to 20 min) to make sure they are in deep sleep before you put them down.

it is much much easier to do what you need to do with baby in a sling and sit down to work when baby is asleep. baby will probably sleep for longer too. (wish I'd followed my own advice - I just spent 30 wasted minutes trying to settle dd and I could have done so much with her in the sling. I probably could have typed properly too. But my excuse is that I want to spend some cuddle time with ds).

And, if you want reliable work time with a baby you should organise child care. I thought I could finish my phd while the baby napped - but it just doesn't work like that. it is not fair for a baby to be left to cry while you try to do something else. If your pils want to be useflu they could do that for you instead of giving advice.

tryingtoleave · 12/03/2009 04:59

Also, meant to say that sleep patterns change at about 4 months. Instead of going into light sleep first babies go into deep sleep right away and it becomes easier to transfer them.

Original poster

ranirani · 12/03/2009 21:05

THANKS A LOT for all your support. thats what I felt anyway, it is just herat breaking. any way, in laws... you know how it can be: one minute they say you have to put hinm down and let him cry, next minute they say: they can't bear a child crying. you can never please them, so better not to bother!

OP posts:

morningpaper · 12/03/2009 21:06

yay good for you, sound like you are doing a fantastic job already, well done

lovelymama · 12/03/2009 21:28

Just to back up the rest of the lovely mumsnetters on this thread - I'm scared that your in laws suggested leaving 2 weeks old baby to cry. He just wants you to cuddle him and feed him all the time - he's had a hard journey and needs food and love. I promise you that you can work on sleep habits later in life and whatever you do for the first few months will have no impact on bad sleep habits.

Lots of hugs to you and your tiny baby.

GColdtimer · 12/03/2009 21:33

fgs, I hate the thought of people feeling pressured into letting their tiny babies cry.

Just enjoy your baby and give him lots and lots of cuddles. He needs them.

Not that it sounds like you need telling!

mrsjammi · 12/03/2009 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

julantal · 13/03/2009 00:21

great book suggestion called "the contented little baby book" by gina ford she is a huge proponent for breast feeding and helping to develop a good schedule and has good suggestions on what to do when this pattern appears-- good read!!! great read for anyone who LOVES a schedule like me!

morningpaper · 13/03/2009 08:26

no no no that is a TERRIBLE book suggestion

seriously AVOID it

RoseOfTheOrient · 13/03/2009 08:31

@"huge proponent for breastfeeding"

feralgirl · 13/03/2009 10:10

I never even attempted GFs 'boob hokey-cokey' - put your right boob in, your right boob out, left boob in, left boob out, 20 mins here, 20 mins there, time everything. Although I did take her idea of a routine whcih has been useful(ish).
My mum said I shouldn't go straight to DS when he cried, even when he was teeny tiny (he's still only 3mo) and I soon realised she didn't know what she was talking about.

pollywollywoowah · 14/03/2009 09:45

I think it's a bit harsh to say they don't know what they are talking about? Surely anyone who has had babies knows what it's like when they are crying/not sleeping etc and like us, they would have only done what they thought best for their children. Even if now we think leaving a tiny baby to cry is awful/damaging/cruel. The advice then (whenever then was) was to do just that and a lot of mums (mine included) were too scared to go against the advice of "professionals".

My gran used to sit crying listening to my mum and aunties crying in their cots as she had been told to feed them 4 hourly and no more and she believed this was right and that's what she did. And my mum and aunties have all grown up to be perfectly normal well rounded women, lovely mums themselves and no apparent scaring from being left to cry.

I'm not suggesting that cc at 2wks is the right way to go, but I for one feel worried everytime dd has to cry a bit as I'm dealing with toddler/on the loo/can't take anymore that I'm doing untold emotional damage to her. Surely if this were the case then in days gone by all children would have grown up with problems resulting from being left to cry.

Not trying to cause an argument or anything, just feel like I want to make that point as I have often felt like this when reading cc threads.

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