Do I just go with the flow or will it cause problems later down the line?

[Jack2601]

Hi, I may be reading far too much into this, but this is my first baby and am obviously having feelings of not having a bloomin clue what I'm doing.

DS was born 6 weeks ago (7 wks prem due to pre-eclampsia, spent 4 wks in SCBU). Basically he is a fantastic baby. From about 7am he feeds pretty much every 4 hours (give or take) and sleeps in between, what I would expect - he technically is newborn. I assume it's too early for routines, this was how he fed when he left SCBU. He is formula fed and at the moment he takes between 80-100mls, sometimes a little bit more. He has never been breastfed because my body just did not want to play ball and I didn't have enough milk to feed him.

He generally has a bottle at 10pm/11pm. However, during the night he wakes up a lot more frequently, it could be 90 minutes between feeds. Generally it is because he is hungry as he is offered the bottle and takes it, albeit he might have a little bit less at these feeds, but it is still what I would call a decent amount for his size etc.

My initial thoughts are that I should just go with the flow and hope that he does go for longer between feeds during the night eventually OR should I be trying to "swing him round" so he is waking/feeding more in the day. I don't want to do anything that will cause him problems as he is so young. Do I just leave things as they are or is this likely to continue?

I don't think you are reading too much into it as lack of sleep can be very tough. I found my DS did the same for the first week - sleeping all day and feeding every 2 hours at night. In desperation I read Gina Ford and haven't looked back. Its not for everyone and I am certainly not saying its right for you, thats your decision, but she did make a few points which made sense to me and from the first night of implementing these things my son only woke once in the night. I know some people like to just go with the flow but I prefered some structure (and sleep!).

Key thoughts:

• if they sleep too much in the day they won't sleep as much at night. Although some people disagree with this I think they do need some good activity time during the day - the Baby Whisperers EASY programme also has good ideas around this. Basically once you have fed him keep him awake for a bit afterwards.
• feed every 3 hours in the day to get as much of their daily requirement in them from 7am-10pm.
• Make night time feeds as quiet and calm as possible so they go back to sleep easily

I hope this helps, if you are interested in GF I have found it really works for me and would be happy to chat it through with you - just let me know!

Good luck with whatever you do.

PS - enjoy your baby, mine is now 17 weeks and seems so big already!!

go with the flow

he is basically a week old (adjusted) and he is absolutley behaving as a new born should

follow his cues and you will not go far wrong

i did this with my DS - i had my fill of books saying he "should" be doing x,y,z - when i stopped reading them and learnt to follow his signals we were all a lot happier

i found cluster feeding in the evening very helpful

nothing you are doing now will cause any issues

As he is ff and doing his longer stretch during the day you might want to try feeding him more frequently during the day in the hope that he feeds less frequently at night. Pretty much as Choc said. but if you are happy going with the flow and your DS is happy then carry on as you are. you certainly aren't going to cause your DS any problems - just try and sleep when he sleeps during the day! congrats on becoming a mum

Go with the flow. He's still learning and adapting from being snuggled up in your womb, in relative darkness.

Try giving him a dummy in the night.

Thanks for such quick replies.

Cote - he isn't a fan of the dummy, he wasn't in SCBU nor at home. I think he realises that there is no milk coming out of the thing he is sucking and quickly spits it out!!

I am tempted to go with it and maybe gradually try and get him to eat more frequently during the day (eg 3 hours as opposed to 4). I am sure my patience and ability to go with the flow won't last forever, after all he has only been home for 2 weeks and I don't think my sleep deprivation has kicked in yet.

Choc - I've got a copy of the GF Contented Baby book and I was totally adamant that I was going to follow that routine - until I had a prem baby that is and he spent the first month in hospital. I wasn't sure whether I could start implementing such a strict routine now he is 6 weeks old because hers start from birth.

How weird is this. I am usually quite rational and switched on - is it normal to feel worried and paranoid at the slightest things when you are a new mum?

Jack GF can be implemented at any age - just choose the routine closest to his age. In fact some people say not to implement until they are 6 weeks old, and although I did it from the second week with DS things started to fall into place from week 6.

I hated the idea of GF before having my DS but got very desperate when I was really down and felt very out of control, not good for a control freak! I bought the book and whilst I did try sticking to her routines quite rigidly at the beginning now I am quite flexible with it and if the day goes wrong I am able to pick it back up again. My DS is really happy and smiley and I do think its because he has structured feeds and sleeps - and I am happy too, which as Jammie said - happy mum = happy baby so do whatever works for you.

jack you could just use GF as a guide rather than eat your cornflakes when she tells you. If you want a routine, the principles can make sense and you'll probably find that your baby eventually slots into this routine anyway. The key is to feed at the "stated" times (which might mean waking your baby sometimes) but after a while, you'll no doubt find that your baby wakes at those times for a feed anyway.

I find (from a ff bed baby) that feeding more often than 3/4 hours makes my DD windy and uncomfortable as I think it takes about 3 hours to digest a feed. DD takes about 3/4oz at each feed and feeds pretty much 3 hourly betwen 7am and bed around 6.30pm.

All of these things also depend upon how much your baby weighs and growth spurts. DD was very little so I had to feed her more little and often to begin with as her tummy couldn't take it. She's also had a couple of growth spurts so I've upped the frequency (she voms up if I try to give her more feed- frequency was better). You'll start to read your baby more soon but try to be patient... they are very little and it will all work itself out soon

PS - only speaking re formula - I think the "cluster" feeding works better with b/f babies ? Sorry, don't have that experience but the feeding too often with ff with my DD just caused horrible wind !

Thanks herbgarden. I'm now sat here with the book in front of me wondering whether to give it a go. I think that if I do want ds to go longer in the night then 3hr feeds during the day may be the way forward. To be honest, having read the routines I don't think I could follow them to the letter at the moment anyway, ds is still so little (and technically not meant to be here for another week) and he sleeps a lot more that GF recommends/advises/instructs.

I remember the early days - not fun, waking every two hours for about 3 weeks (and I think I was lucky )

Go with what appeals to you eg if a routine makes sense then go for it or if your instint tells you hes too little and you should go with the flow then do that.

However you may want to just try feeding him every 3 hours during the day so that he gets more milk into him during daylight hours just to see how you go. Also taking chocs advice of keeping the night feeds as quiet and dark as possible. You could just try these things if you dont want to go right into a routine straight away as a routine can be implemented at any time.

jack as a way to start I def recommend the 3 hour feeds then - if you are happy with most stuff except waking to eat in the night then this could work for you.

Thanks again, I think I'll give 3 hour feeds a go and see how we get on.