How do I put my 2 week old down.

[fruitstick]

DS 2 was born 10 days ago. I was in hospital for 5 days and DH has been on paternity leave so up until now he has been held almost constantly and we have been co-sleeping. Oh, and I've been breastfeeding him to sleep.

Somewhere there is a big sheet with lots of red crosses on

However I'm now feeling that DS1 (3) would like us to put him down! Also I am increasingly nervous about co-sleeping as everybody seems to tell me how dangerous it is.

Any tips on how we get him to sleep in his pram or cot without letting him get very upset (which I'm rubbish at). At the moment he sleeps swaddled on top of our duvet sort of in the crook of my arm.

I've tried the whole putting him down with my t-shirt, muslin, warming the mattress etc but he seems to wake within 2 minutes of me putting him down.

DH goes back to work on Wednesday so I'm not going to be able to manage if I have to carry him everywhere.

i found wrapping my ds tight in a blanket and popping him in moses basket he was fine it felt like he was being cuddles oh and also rolled a towel and layed it next to him to feel like someone else was there

many people co sleep fine but i wasn't comfortable too many horror stories for my liking plus im a restless sleeper couldn't guarantee i wouldn't accidentally roll

if he sleeps in your arm maybe fold the towel round to feel like and arm or just wrap really tight first and see how he settles try and put him in awake so gets used to sleeping without you just leave the room for short while its ok to leave to cry for short while

Swaddling worked for us - as well as wrapping one of my worn t-shirts over the mattress. We also put rolled up towels down the side of him so he felt snug (as he would have done in the womb, or in your arms). As he's falling asleep on you and then waking in his cot he is probably a bit confused by this, although its probably too early to expect him to self settle you might have more success of him staying in his cot longer if you put him down almost, but not quite, asleep??

My DS was also like this for the first week - what worked for us was a routine (we did Gina Ford). I don't know why it made a difference (went from completely co-sleeping to in his own bed from the first day of using routine) but it worked! Maybe because he was actually tired when I put him down rather than when I thought he was??

Good luck!

Start with 2 mins and work it up from there, it will help you all if LO can get used to amusing itself for periods of time lying n its own and sleeping of course.

DS will need attetntion too you are right.

I am a bit old fashioned in that I think regular feeds and sleeps make it easier for everyone inc baby.

I'm even more old fashioned and think you should keep baby close - get a sling!

I would have loved that but DS weighed 11lb7oz at birth and I had a CS so not a chance. He was perfectly content stretched out in his pram.

Swaddling is good, but you might also find carrying him in a sling helpful. He can sleep in there and your hands are free, which is a compromise that your DS1 might approve of!

Constant holding is NOT doing anything wrong, it's normal - no red crosses!

Re cosleeping, make yourself fully aware of the risks - there are safe ways to do this, as long as you adhere to guidelines eg no drugs before bed you may feel reassured about the safety of it. For us it wasn't optional, it was the only way he would sleep!

fair enough, skramble
might work for OP though
I agree with FairM - there are no red crosses here!

It is a purely personal decision how you structure your child's interactions with you, sleep and so on, but the sentence that stands out for me is

'Somewhere there is a big sheet with lots of red crosses on '

No there really isnt.All there is is you, your family, your (still very very tiny baby) and what works for you.

I wonder if you have been hearing alot from the the 'rod for your own back' brigade. I really wish I hadnt listened to them with DD1, I felt guilty for feeding her to sleep, having her in my bed, carrying her all the time, not leaving her to cry. All the things that I now realised were actually my way of doing things, I felt bad about, and that affected my enjoyment of her early months.

With DD2 I held her as much as she wanted, slept with her, breast fed her to sleep, the lot. I loved it loved it loved it because I had enough confidence to realise this was actually how I wanted to parent, and that long term it would be absolutely fine. It took a few weeks of gently trying her in the moses basket before she would settle there but she did in the end, and I never left her to cry.

I have coslept lots without problems incidently, its your own judgement of course and there are guidelines, but there is another viewpoint than the one you seem to be hearing.

If you are enjoying the things you are worried about, please keep doing them, they are in fact your way of mothering. Your Ds is going to have to get used to you not being able to do all the things he is used to just for while, and it is hard for him, but it is the one short term down side of what will hopefully be a very benefical life long sibling relationship.

I found bunging the new born in a sling and getting on with normal stuff with DD1 worked pretty well.

Hope all goes well.

what about one of those baby hammock things?

Cathpot thank you, that has made me feel much better. DS2 slept in pram during the day yesterday which meant we could give DS1 more attention (and get some washing done).

Still no luck with crib but we shall keep trying. Tried the towel but he wasn't convinced! I am a little paranoid about co-sleeping so I think I would be more relaxed if he was next to the bed rather than in it.

Would a crib bumper help? It occurs to me that his crib is a bit drafty compared to the pram or our bed?

i think cot bumpers are a no-no because of SIDS risk? agree with cathpot, i wasted lots of time agonising over routines, self-settling etc when actually i loved being close to her and am not by nature a routines type of person. it really affected my confidence and enjoyment. just do what comes naturally and works for you. the kari-me sling is great for new babies, i used to go for walks, shop, do chores and prepare food in mine while she slept.

and on co-sleeping, there is a school of thought that co-sleeping is safer than solitary sleeping as your presence helps regulate their respiration, temperature etc
'Why babies should never sleep alone' James McKenna

i am with cathpot on this. on the specific issue of putting ds down, i have had the same issue putting dd down for a nap. now, i put dd down sleepy and don't move my arms away from under her immediately, just let her feel cradled. i then slowly move them away. if she seems restless then i continue to cradle in my hands, one hand either side, then a hand on her chest saying soothing things.
nothing wrong with co-sleeping, its accepted as a way of life elsewhere. best advice i ever got, three months down the line mind, was 'do what is right for you and dd and dh, you will find your own way, and and enjoy it.' sounds like you doing a great job.

Am not advocating this because I would be shot but I can share it... I find popping a muslin over my baby's face when he's really tired makes him drop off really quickly.

You could put him down to play in his cot with a mobile. As long as you're consistent about whether the mobile is for playtime or sleeptime.

Have you tried transferring him to his crib once asleep? Maybe putting a folded blanket under the bit where your arm was?

lovebuckets, gonna try that tonight! my sil swears by stroking hand down from forehead gently sweeping eyes closed in process!

Would something like this help to make cosleeping feel safer for you? (not in pink of course!) Iirc they had some in tk maxx for £20.00.

www.babysecurity.co.uk/p/360832/summer-infant-snuggle-nest-deluxe-baby-sleeper-cot -pink-.html

Try warming the baset/crib before you put him in it.Put a hotwater bottle or wheat bag in the bed for a few minutes and take it out before you put baby down.That way he is not going from the warmth of your bed/body to the chill of sheets etc.Swaddle as well.

Really nice/good bit of advice re: having kids generally and fretting over what they will or won't do - like not be carried all day is "don't read the score at half time" I spent months of my and my first 2 babies lives worrying about what my parenting was doing to them, as in, getting them into bad habits that would never leave them, but babies and children are always changing and growing and just because they do or don't do something now doesn't mean they never will (if that's not a bit of a ramble!) Now enjoying baby no. 3 as best I can without too much of my control freakery! They get big too quickly!!

fruitstick - i had the same issue with putting my dd to sleep in a cot/moses basket. what helped was swaddling with the miracle blanket - i felt dreadful doing it at first, like putting her in a straight jacket, but the results were astounding and she seemed to love it and still does. i am still using it even at 19 weeks (supposed only to use it up to 14). also, your lo is so so so small still - don't forget they grow, their nervous systems become more developed and they will get better at being able to amuse themselves and not have to be held all the time (although, of course, if you want to go down the holding all the time route, that is of course fine, too). when i was at your stage i couldn't conceive of being able to put my dd down either for a sleep or to amuse herself - it just wasn't going to happen. and now she is 19 weeks, she can amuse herself for a really long time (occasionally 30-40 mins) and i can get her to sleep with the miracle blanket and some feeding to sleep (am also trying not to believe the doom merchants who tell me that is the road to bad habits).

it has taken me the first 3 months to realise there are no rules - apart from don't hurt or harm your baby - even when certain books/gurus try to tell you there are. try to be confident, think about your baby as an individual little human being and put yourself in his/her shoes occasionally. oh, nad don't forget to take care of yourself as much as possible. some people may damn me for this, but i think a glass of wine in the evenings is invaluable for my sanity - doesn't have any perceivable effect on dd and relaxes me and allows me to enjoy this time. happy mum = happy baby in my books. good luck!