think will have to stop co-sleeping, don't want to but it's just not working. Not sure how to proceed though!

[bohemianbint]

Title says it all really, and have been posting a bit about this recently.

DS is just 6 months and has been in with us from the start. It was great at the beginning, because he slept and (still) has never really cried.

The last week has been terrible though, and last Sunday and Monday I got no sleep at all. Here's how it goes:

6.30pm ish - feed DS to sleep in our bed. He sleeps for an hour ish. I stay in bed with his watching tv/reading/MNing. Can't leave or he wakes up instantly.

7.30pm. DS wakes up, giggles, thrashes and feeds on and off (I mean on and off every second, very draining) for 3 hours ish.

11.30pm ish DS finally goes to sleep, usually after DH stands up jiggling him for a while.

11.30pm - 7am DS thrashes, kicks and feeds intermittently. I get the odd 20 minutes sleep here and there.

It isn't working any more. We have no evening whatsoever, that means that I never have a minute in my life where I am not dealing with/physically attached to one of them. I never have any time with DH. But worst of all, this week I am literally not getting more than the odd half hour doze. I cannot function. I am bad tempered with DS1 who is extremely challenging.

It will make me very sad, as I have enjoyed doing it, and I love sleeping with him next to me. But I wonder if by the same token, me being next to him in the evenings, with lights/tv on disturbs him? Perhaps he would be better by himself in the early evening so that he gets chance to sleep in the dark in peace? As it stands he isn't getting as much sleep as he should in a 24 hour period.

I only want to shift him to the co-sleeper, and to maybe get a bit of an evening back. But I don't know how to go about it, becacuse when we've tried leaving him to sleep alone in the co-sleeper he's never really gone longer than 40 mins, then we're back up there for 3 hours.

I don't know what to do, but we really need to change something! I can't leave him to cry and don't want to sabotage any of the work we've done so far in making him feel really secure and happy. But the lack of sleep is killing me. What can we do?

I can't offer experience from the other side, but have you tried looking at No-cry sleep solution? It has ideas for co-sleepers and bf-ers, and isn't all 'put them in their own room'. We've not tried yet as dd is only 3 months but it looks very humane and there's no leaving them to cry it out.

thanks jump - I do have that book somewhere, I ought it when DS1 was tiny.

But then he miraculously conformed to GF's sleep schedule at 4 months (without being left to cry or anything!) and was much happier for it. Stupidly thought DS2 would be the same!

Will have a look at what the book suggests. Something has to change.

well - I stopped last night in that I went to sleep elsewhere at 11pm after 3 hours of kicking and virtually pointless feeding. At least I got a bit of extra kip, but it's not ideal, being relegated to the spare bed.

6 month growth spurt/gross motor explosion/teething is probably to blame here. If he settles on his dad's shoulder, then have him take over and give you a break. You can try side-car cot (with side off, pushed up next to bed) so that you don't have to get up to feed in the night, but have your own space. Good luck!

And I would say that you're putting him down for the night too early if he's awake again after an hour. Sounds like he's treating that first bit as a nap. Can you shuffle things so that he has a late afternoon nap and then goes to bed properly at about 8?

I've never done the leave them to cry thing, but have had some success with patting etc. There are lots of methods out there.

Poor you. No sleep is the pits.

Thank you for the replies! Tried something else last night; kept him up and downstairs until half 7pm when I put him in a carry cot and jiggled him to sleep, rather than feeding. He stayed asleep until gone 9pm when he only wanted a tiny feed and stayed asleep until around 3am, when he kicked me for two hours until I went upstairs again.

So it was sort of better, but still crap, IYSWIM. But at least we had an hour and a half to ourselves in the evening, which we haven't had in aaaaaaaaaaaaaages.

Hi there, poor you.

The co sleeping thing is a funny one - my DD is 16 months we never coslept but she did sleep a little bit with us in the early days - mainly when it was 3am and we were knacked and it is a lovely epxerience - but I don't alway sthink it's the best solutin for you or baby in the long run (dependent on each different baby as they are all so different).

Now though DD is a nightmare to sleep with so if she kicks off (as she has been recently as she's had conjunctivitis and now a perforated ear drum) we take her to bed for a bit where she calms down but then it doesn't take long before she is fidegety and baiscally a pain and I end up not sleeeping hanging on to the edge of the bed while she fidgets and doesn't sleep so we put her back in her cot....and she's zonko again.

My biggest recommendation is that you may need to get him into being tired enough to sleep - with DD we woke her up religiously every 3 hours during the day to make sure she was tird enough to go to sleep (a baby whisperer and midwife tip and the only one that really was helpful). Then she started sleeping longer and longer by herself at night. We had her in the moses basket in her cot in our room until she was about 4 months old - again it was more that she was sleeping happily but was waking us up with her little grumbles so it just seemed silly to keep her disturbing us (and making us tired) uneccesarily.

I don't know much about breastfeeding other than from friends as I was unable to, but it seems it's more of a comfort thing than a bottle so they probably get more attached to it as a comfort device so you sitting with him probably just tires you out and keeps him just awake enough to enjoy having time with you rather than going to sleep.

I also don't agree with the whole leave them to cry but I do think sometimes you have to leave them to grizzle particularly when they're tired. If DD kicks off then we always go to her as I think that if she kicks off there's usually a good reason for it (even if we are not psychic enough to know exactly what that might be) ;-)

Good luck - I've probably not been very helpful but I hope you get some sleep - that alone makes the world a better place ;-)

xx

Thanks for the lovely reply meercat! I think you're definitely right about the comfort thing, and whilst that's all well and good, there have been times where I've just turned my back on him and he's gone into a really deep sleep, so I think am going to stop offering it so often and see how that goes...
xx

I have this issue with my dd and also want my evenings back. Love co-sleeping apart from evenings though. if you have a cot you could put him in it in the evening with a baby monitor on then go and watch tv etc. You could then take him into bed after the late feed. Not sure if this actually works as i need to begin it myself!