can't get a 4.5 week old to go to sleep (longish)

[drivingmisscrazy]

just hoping that you ladies might have some suggestions. My 4.5 DD is a lovely baby, but very alert and prone to over-stimulation. Generally (though not universally) she sleeps OK at night, only surfacing to feed (she is breastfed) and goes off again quite happily for the most part. The problem is in the day, when she feeds (she usually falls asleep on the breast, which is an association that I think needs to be broken) she then cannot go to sleep. She quickly escalates into being totally overtired and eventually screams and cries, often for hours. This is awful for all concerned, not least her - but I really don't know what to do to get her to fall asleep for naps during the day. Today, for example, it is now nearly 11pm, and she has been awake, other than a hour or so of broken dozing, since 5pm. The day before yesterday she was awake for at least 5 hours - this is way too long for a newborn, and unsurprisingly she cries and gets hysterical, to the point where she can't latch and we can't do anything with her.

Any ideas? Please? Desperate to make things better for her, and for us.

ps - DD also a gassy baby - HV says 'colicky' but I think it's only partly that - it's certainly not classic colic in that it's not at a regular time, although her digestion does sometimes interfere with her sleep (i.e. hiccups or pooing wake her up). Have to do something as both DP and I have had tearful meltdowns tonight.

i wouldn't worry about feeding to sleep atm. she might move on of her own accord if you wait. my lo has. and sleep sounds the priority - only try and fix one thing at a time!

mine would often fall asleep in her sling (pouch or kari-me), i could pop her in and the movement and darkness soothed her off to sleep. my bf would take her so i could get some rest.

i did find she tended to be awake a lot, much more than the books said!

oh, and the thing about fresh air really is true, i wish i had realised sooner - pushchair or sling both worked if she was tired

Oh drivingmisscrazy.

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your dd.

Now may I challenge some of your assumptions?

'she usually falls asleep on the breast, which is an association that I think needs to be broken'

Why? You've got a long journey ahead of you with many challenges. Personally it is much easier if you just go along with your baby's needs rather than fight against them. They have years and years to learn how to become an adult.

Babies fall asleep where they feel secure. Until a short time ago that was inside you. Now it is as close to you as possible. Luckiy your baby is happy and comfortable like this. Some mothers have a hellova time getting their los to sleep.

'being totally overtired' If you are interupting her sleep needs perhaps she is, although she was capable of sleeping when and how she needed to just 5 weeks ago.

'she was awake for at least 5 hours - this is way too long for a newborn'

Really? How so?

hth a little.

thanks for both - I know what you mean snowlight - I think we are currently victim to waves of conflicting advice which means that we are constantly reacting, rather than being consistent. Will definitely try the sling approach as well. The car usually works, and sometimes taking her out in the pram helps her drop off for a little while at least.

Will keep you posted, but thanks for your kind words

drivinmisscrazy Your life is tough enough right now. Try to live in the present and do whatever makes you both happy. These days are precious and over so quickly. Enjoy them

Things might settle down a bit more at 6 weeks. I know a lot of people who comment on an improvement at that stage (and alos at 3-4 months). I think, until then, just do what you can to get them to sleep. I used to shove my DS for miles in his pushchair just to get a bit of peace!

I remember this stage for all the wrong reasons, unfortunately (I bloody hated it!).

Honestly, honestly do not worry about her falling asleep on your breast. She is far too little to know what a nap is, even. She just sleeps when she is tired, warm enough, and comfortable.

You have many, many months to be concerned with naps and bedtime. Right now is just a time to respond to her needs as and when. You can guarantee that just when you think you have her sussed, she will change her pattern and you need to relearn.

You will probably find that by about 12 weeks she starts to find a pattern you can both live with, and by 6 months she will be fairly predictable.

snowlight and lou, you said exactly what i meant but put it so much better.
there is so much pressure to get babies into routines, it really affected my enjoyment of the early weeks.

thanks folks - you are really confirming my gut instinct, which is that she is way too tiny for training, and that if she were a small animal (which of course she is, in the nicest possible way) she'd would just want to be close, to eat and sleep when she needs to. Having said all that, we suspect that she might have reflux (a lot of the symptoms fit), in which case (if confirmed) a routine is the last thing she needs on top of everything else. But that's a discussion for another thread (and yes, I know there are millions). SO for now, she gets to snooze and graze as she wants