Bedtime battles with 13-month-old...

[Ernestina]

Have co-slept and breastfed to sleep since birth and getting my ds to sleep used to take about 10 to 20 minutes. But now bedtime has become a battle that takes anything from one to two hours of cuddling, rocking, singing etc with him struggling, kicking, scratching and crying. Although it's not proper crying because he stops as soon as he gets what he wants (which is to be free to crawl all over the bed and pull himself up on the headboard!)

I think he's frustrated that my milk no longer puts him to sleep, and maybe excited about life in general now that he can move at speed, but I've had enough and I don't have time for this as evenings are when I work (from home).

What can I do?

Can I ask, roughly what time does he wake for the day and what naps does he have? What time do you put him to bed?

He generally wakes around 6.30 to 7am and he naps at around 12noon for about an hour and a half to two hours.

I put him to bed at 7pm (he is definitely tired then - usually rubbing his eyes and getting a bit grizzly, but then seems to get a second wind after his bedtime feed).

Any advice gratefully received

DD went through a stage of this at 13 months but after a while settled back to settling easily.

DS has always been a nightmare to get to sleep but is going through a particularly bad phase at the moment (14 months). Am contemplating CC but I'm not sure I can stick it out, he gets into a real rage very quickly!

I do think it is partly developmental at this age, a lot of previously good sleepers seem to get unsettled and then go back to sleeping well a few weeks down the line

Well your routine is pretty much same as mine- just wondered if he might be getting too much sleep in day or napping late but clearly not! I don't force it if DS isn't tired I just let him play until he is then rock him to sleep. Not ideal but beats trying to get a baby to sleep for hours. Sorry advice is a bit rubbish. Maybe try and tire him out by going swimming and loads of playing in the day?

Thanks for the reassurance clairey and Supercherry. It's good to know other babies do this. Clairey, I was also contemplating CC but not sure it would help and kind of goes against everything I believe in. But I totally understand why people end up doing it. Hope your DS improves soon.

Tonight was a bit better - I let him play on the bed first to try and get it out of his system, and then since the rocking and singing wasn't really working I just held him down in a kind of forced cuddle Not really ideal but my arms can't take much more rocking...

Anyway, he only cried for about 15min and bedtime as a whole only took 40min which is much better. Feeling a bit more optimistic that things will gradually improve...

good to hear i am not the only one with sleep problems - both for baby and for me! my 13 month old doesn't sleep well in the day - and only sleeps in the day if i push her out in the pushchair or take her on the bus (i don't drive unfortunately) - and night times have become a real problem - we moved house just before xmas so everything has changed - but she just doesn't settle in her cot well at all - in previous place she would often be on my bed with me but here i've tried to get her into her own space - health visitor said we should try controlled crying but i just can't do it - maybe that is my weakness/failure but i can't hear her screaming like that without picking her up - so at the moment she has hopefully one daytime nap for at least an hour sometimes longer, then her bedtime feed at 7.30 ish - i know you're not supposed to let them fall asleep on you but at 8.30pm when i am so exhausted and my head is full of all the things i need to get done before the following day i just can't bear to wake her up when she is so peaceful in my arms - so i put her gently in the cot and touch wood for the last few days she has stayed there until around 10.30 - she will cry on and off from then but i usually manage to settle her back in although by the time it gets to 2 or 3am i usually give in and pick her up and take her to bed with me as it is the only way i know she'll stay asleep until morning. not ideal i know but i think you just end up realising every baby and mummy is different and there isn't always an ideal text book recommended method that suits you - and i just keep thinking it's not forever as time flies so quickly. does it make me a bad mummy to give in to her and not be firmer? probably but it is the only way i can cope with it - lack of sleep on both sides (her and me) just takes over your head/life and is very stressful. any thoughts?

Maybe now would be a good time to give your DS his own space in a bed of his own if that is possible. I put all mine into a bed aged 1 (when they could walk) and made a big deal over it being their lovely bed etc. The thing with children is that routines change when you least expect/want them too so the best thing to do IMO is to start a new/different one - good luck!