Help- not sure If I'm making a rod for my own back

[poshsinglemum]

dd is 7.5 months and I'm knackered. I still bf her and we co-sleep. She wakes up 3-4 times for a feed at night after which we both go to sleep immediately.
Before we co-slept she slept in her moses basket but when she outgrew this I wanted to try co-sleeping as I could understand the philosophy. She has a bedtime routine which consists of bathtime and then I generally feed her to sleep. She seems to know the difference between day and night as until recently after the bath she tended to only wake for feeds even though they were quite frequent.
recently she wants to play until late.
I really want my evenings back. i have got into this wierd routine of staying in the same room with her straight after the bath. We both sit on the matress togethr. She plays and watches me paint. I know I should put her in her cot with the baby monitor and just go downstairs but I do love co-sleeping. I guess if we didn't share a bed she's settle more easily- no? I can see both sides of the argument but I'm definately not exhausted enough to do cc. I don't think cc is for me so please don't suggest it. I'd judt like my evenings back. She's also at that clingy phase.
Could I co-sleep but wean her off the night feeds? Do dummys etc help? I've got myself in a feed her to sleep rut and i'm not sure I like it all the time. It's ok in evening but a bugger at night.

yes - you're making a rod for your own back! I mean that with the best intentions! With our first ds we would rock him to sleep or stay in the room while he went to sleep because from quite an early age he wouldn't sleep on his own BUT it took us until he was 4 (!) to be able to say goodnight and leave him to it as he constantly wanted us with him and I tell you, by that age if you think you want your evenings back NOW, it's ten times worse!! I's also not helpful for them to learn to rely on you to settle to sleep. With 2nd ds we bore this all in mind and from day one he has gone to sleep after a cuddle and kiss etc and life is much easier - and am sure it's good for him too. If you can move away from co-sleeping and get to stage where you can leave dd on her own to settle, you'll be doing both of you a favour - and have an evening to yourself!! It'll be tricky but a lot easier doing it now than when she's much older. it can be done! Good luck!

Thank you Peach. She is quite good at sleeping anywhere when she has fallen asleep but atm it is mostly at the boob. I have seen her settle herself of her own accord a few times which is encouraging. I do want to co- sleep until she is abouyt one though as I believe in the philosophy behind it so I would be interested to hear from other co-sleepers. Has anyone who co-sleeps managed to wean baby off the boob at night yet remained co-sleeping. I don't think that co-sleeping itself is necessarily making a rod as theoretically it is supposed to make the child MORE independant. The thinking behind it is if the child can rely on your consistent presence at a young age they are more likely to be independant as they can rely on you to fall back on. If I insist on this approach do I need to resign myself to night feeds and stop whinging.
I think I will put her in the cot in the evening and then bring her into bed with me after her 11.00ish feed.

?

my lo is 5 months and atm we go to bed together, we are night owls! she is gradually starting to get sleepy earlier in the evening but i quite like having her sleep on me tbh - good excuse to mumsnet or watch tv.

i seem to remember reading co-sleeping means more night feeds and longer to sleep through - so might be a case of waiting it out? easy for me to say though as my lo is younger

my friend gently night weaned and still co-sleeps but her dd was older - 1ish i think.

could you keep her with you - feed her to sleep and pop her down on the sofa (safely!)? then you could feed her back to sleep as soon as she stirs.

Hi babyphat. I think that is the way foward for me. The trouble with me and this parenting lark is that I can see both sides of the story and I've ended up wondering if I've chosen the right path. I've chosen to do a more attachment parenting route as it really resonates with me but when I hear about my mates who have done strict routines and now their babies are sleeping through it makes me wonder if I have really done the right thing.

hiya, was just logging back on to say sorry my post not esp helpful, just didn't want you to feel had to be all or nothing iyswim.

i know what you mean about feeling like you might be getting it wrong - i have only just stopped getting freaked out by my lack of routine etc, and am really enjoying it and feeling good (or smug ) about my decisions. am trying to trust my instincts and just enjoy my lo, not worry about what others think, and remembering that this bit won't last long so i should make the most of it. that said, doubtless i'll be back on again a week from now worrying about EXACTLY the same things as whatever was bothering me last week! I always find a bad night or two makes me question everything!

poshsinglemum don't be too jealous of those mums yet...the ones I know who had the strictest/'best' routines for their babies are now struggling with screaming toddlers up for several hours in the night a few times a week It may just be coincidence but my DS, who co slept, sleeps very nicely most of the time.

I know what you mean about struggling to decide which is the best parenting style. I think the answer is simply the one that resonates most strongly with us at the time, and which develops into your own style rather than feeling you have to stick to someone else's ideas in every respect. So we have been quite AP with our DS1 and will be with DS2, but a lot of people seem to develop quite lax, undisciplined styles as the children get older (that sounds like I disapprove but I don't, I just can't get my words out properly today!) - whereas I like to set firm boundaries for DS1 and can come across as quite strict I think. Just do what feels right at the time.

I wrote the exact same post about rods and backs about 4 years ago, PFB cosleeping and everyone and their granny was telling me "oh you'll still be doing it when they are 5 etc etc"

DD1 slept through the night 8-8 at 12 weeks, we continued cosleeping until she was 15 months and she went into her own cot in her own room without a problem and still is a good sleeper.

Then we had DD2, again cosleeping from the off, she fed up to 6 times a night right up until she was a year (sorry), it all depends on you really if you are happy with it then fine, I decided at a year that enough was enough and wanted to get some decent sleep back and she was getting so fidgety, in the end I had to go on nurseing strike, she was never left alone, DP sat with her and comforted her, first night was hard 50 mins of crying, second night 10 mins and that was her, in her own cot and room by 13 months.

Am currently cosleeping with DD3 who is 7 months, she wakes on average twice a night for milk, I actually believe she is worse when she knows I am there, she can smell me and gets irate if boob isn't there for her. Yes it can be draining but she is only young for such a short period of time and at 7 months she may still need milk in the night. We do have a bedtime routine though and I do get a night to myself, for example, tonight she went to bed and was fed to sleep at 8pm, once she was sleeping I moved her into the bedside cot by my bed, she will stay there until her first wakening which could be when I go to bed at 11ish or shortly after.

It's up to you if you see feeding to sleep as a problem, I don't right now and can correct it down the line, I do think you need to get a bit of you time back of and evening I would go mad if I didn't have these few hours (maybe thats because I have 2 other DC to deal with).

Have a look at No Cry Sleep Solution it has gentle ways of removing the boob from going to sleep, it's not a quick fix in a week but more of a gradual thing.

Hello Poshsinglemum. Can see why you want to co-sleep. Although I don't like co-sleeping with DS, I have enjoyed having cuddles with him on the odd occasion that he just wouldn't settle in his own cot. However, I do think that co-sleeping makes it much easier for DC to just have a feed whenever she feels like it. At 7.5 months, she probably isn't hungry 3 or 4 times a night, but just wants a bit of comfort, therefore you could certainly try night weaning her off milk. As you know, this will be hard to do, but could you try wearing a bra and top to bed so your milk smell isn't so strong or she doesn't find it quite so easy to latch on? Hope this doesn't sound cruel but just a thought?
I really don't think you would have to try CC as a way to settle her as she sounds like she can self settle anyway and CC is just to help babies who can't self settle.