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HELP! Nearly 4yr old...sleep change..do I go with the flow or stand my ground.?

14 replies

Shhhh · 09/02/2009 20:16

DD used to be a brill sleeper but the last month or so has changed beyond control..

She goes down at 7pm and usually goes well although sometimes puts up a fight.

I I have managed to get her over the last few weeks to sleep through although waking tends to be quite early (between 5-6am).I can cope with the early waking if the routine is as above BUT its the weekends when things change.

Dh works away during the week and I am finding that its when he is back that things go chaotic..

With dh waking several times in the night, wanting to get into bed with us etc.

dh is now starting to feel as though he has this negative effect and its affecting our relationship.
Tonight dd has not gone down to well, wanting her bedroom light on. She has a bedside light and now wants her door open...

WTF do I do..?????????????

Do I allow her to sleep with her "big" light onj and door open..? imo its not good as it means she can hear converstions/tv etc.

She doesn't have a valid reason why she changed. Just says she doesn't want to sleep. Wants room redecorating, new stuff etc

I tend to be firm during the week, not alowing her to control me BUT once dh is home I guess I allow him chance to deal with the dk's iykiwm.

My other concern is the fact that on short journeys she is falling aslep in the car now, something she stopped over 6 months ago..obviously due to being tired. She is also ratty,and such a handfull. Im also having "toilet" issues which is another thread BUT atm its all getting to much...

tia

OP posts:
Shhhh · 09/02/2009 20:17

meant to say "dd waking and wanting to get into bed"

OP posts:
bodiddly · 09/02/2009 20:32

Perhaps she is sensing that things are changing when your dh comes back at weekends and is playing on the fact that you are trying to let him deal with it. She is probably seeing the inconsistency. I think you need to come up with a set of rules and stick to them whether it is a weekday or weekend for a while and see whether it helps get her back into a routine. When ds goes through phases like this (about the same age as you dd) we start a sleep chart and if he does what is expected of him he gets a sticker every day and a treat at the end of the week.

Shhhh · 09/02/2009 21:30

thing is afaik the rules are kept the same BUT she is the one waking and changing them iykiwm..almost as you said, as though she knows dh is home and she changes things...

dh does his best to keep things as they have been but I guess is more lienient then me iykiwm...
today I asked her why she did it and she said because she wanted to be in mummy&daddys bed..which I guess may be because she misses dh so wants more time with him iykiwm...

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bodiddly · 09/02/2009 21:34

ds would do this given half a chance but unless he is really ill there is no way as I wouldnt get a wink of sleep. Have you tried being pro active with her with a sleep chart as I mentioned .. if you start it now and give her a few days to work up to a reward ie. on Sunday she would be nearly at her goal and perhaps it would help her stay in her own bed come the weekend. Make sure it is something she really really wants!

Shhhh · 09/02/2009 22:21

Thats a good idea, was going to say I will see about trying it..
ATM she has a reward chart for things in general (toilet, being good, eating etc) BUT I guess I could change it to a sleep chart and x/x ticks would mean a treat..

Thing is she knows what she is doing and I have said to her during the week "please will you sleep for mummy" to which she replies "yes I will be good mummy" and.....usually sleeps and I get met in the morning with a chirpy "I was such a good girl last night wasn't I mummmy" .

Soooo she can do it..but I guess chooses when and where...
Will try a chart this week...with focus on it carying on over the wkd.

See its causing dh & I issues, we are bickering (which isn't good for dd) and dh is now suggesting if it helps that he stays away at wkd's.. Not what I want BUT I guess I don't help as I seem to blame him saying "when you get home routine goes to pot"...its not beacuse dh doesn't follow the routine its just the lo's try it on...
and tonight dh is considering drastic moves with regards to work and money so he doesn't have to work away..atm work away seems long term .JUST as he feels him being away is affecting his family..

OP posts:
bodiddly · 11/02/2009 14:38

how is it going?

Shhhh · 11/02/2009 15:17

Can't believe she has changed ! But I daren't speak to loud lol!

She has this week slept with her bedside light on low, not woken during the night and I have either woke her at 8am or she has woken today at 7.45am..! Now that I CAN cope with...

Im sensing its when dh is home that she changes BUT this weekend Im planning on telling her to keep to same routine and mummy&daddy will get her when its time to get up...trying to keep it normality even though its change coz dh is home iykimw...

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bodiddly · 11/02/2009 15:40

fantastic .. its all just another phase! We have a rabbit day and night time clock for ds so he knows he cant get up until the rabbit light comes on and gets up. It works a treat!

Shhhh · 11/02/2009 21:28

Yeah, I guess its progress. You just expect lo's to think like we do BUT they don't and its trying to "get down to their level" that tends to work..just hard getting there .

We have an ITNG night/day clock..thing is dd sets it herself thus also unsets it when she wakes . Defeats the object me thinks ..

Thanks for your help so far..don't go to far away..I may need more help

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bodiddly · 12/02/2009 11:04

sounds like she is doing well ... i guess the telling time will be this weekend. Extra bribery/treats are probably called for!

Shhhh · 12/02/2009 20:55

yeah looks that way..dh on train home now and already im worried!

Dd tonight has been told the rules and to stay in bed till "upsy daisy" is up and then to play quietly...lol she has sat with the baby born catalogue all day..looking out for what she wants as reward

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bodiddly · 12/02/2009 21:22

she sounds pretty much the same as my ds .. he is 4 in a week's time. he as started trying to delay my leaving the room and bedtime with requests for one more cuddle, one more kiss, a book to have by his bedside, a toy or two ... and then more kisses and cuddles. it takes forever to leave the room! I shouldnt complain though he isnt too bad and at least he goes to bed and stays there more often than not!

Shhhh · 12/02/2009 21:26

aww bless him . Yup dd is the same, she is 4 in May and also does her best to d..e...l..a...y things. .

Tonight, I need to brish my teeth, I need my comforter to listen to the story in ds's room, I need a drink of milk, I need a poo, I need a wee, I need a new nappy......

SIT DOWN, STORY, LIGHTS OUT AND BEEEEEEEEDDDD..! was my reply. .

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bodiddly · 12/02/2009 21:30

ds has a story in our bed at night (as he is in a mid height sleeper bed and I can't reach him properly to read to him) and then goes to his room to jump into bed - so the delaying starts with just one more cuddle in your bed mummy ... I have to come up with different things to get him into his room every night.

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