feeling insanely jealous of anyone whose baby sleeps 'through'...

[Katharine19]

I think I am being a bit over emotional as have just got period back... but ds is 9months and has never slept for more than 3 hours between feeds.

At the moment it's been a nightmare because he's had every bug going and has been teething as well as still having 3 (at least) feeds at night. I've also been ill and to compound the problem have got an abscess on my breast which makes feeding agonising (to the extent that I am lying awake when I could be asleep stressing about the next feed). I've just seen some friends and all bar one of their babies of the same age sleeps from 7 - 7. And just heard about another friend whose 6 week old goes from 11 - 7.

I actually had to leave because I was going to burst into tears - I've been feeling so rubbish for so long and I can't see an end in sight and it just seems so unfair. I hate the thought that I won't have happy memories of this time, and I thought it would have got much easier by now. It's affecting everything, esp relationship with dh as am constantly exhausted and tearful. I can't sleep in the day as there are building works next door.

Anyway, this isn't going anywhere but I thought that writing it down might make me feel better! And any advice of course welcome...

I feel for you too
Gecko has never slept for longer than 3 hours between feeds

well actually she did do 6 hours one night and then 6 hours the next night when she was about 8 weeks

but she is 23 months now and has never repeated it

was especially hard when I had mastitis and then real proper flu for the first time in my life

You have to remember that sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and being so sleep-deprived is bound to make you easily upset and emotionally fragile - your feelings are totally normal - honestly.

Is there any possibility of your expressing enough for a feed, so that someone else could feed your lo once during the night? And will your dh understand if you wanted to spend the weekend sleeping between feeds (assuming that the building work stops at the weekend) - would he look after the baby inbetween times, or take him for a walk in the buggy so that you can get some rest and hopefully some sleep.

And this will end. Your baby will sleep through. He will get old enough and independant enough that he can get up on his own in the morning, get his own breakfast, watch tv (quietly, if you are lucky) and maybe even bring you a cup of tea in bed after you've had a lie-in. I know that this all seems so far away at the moment, and every hour is an almost insurmountable obstacle, but you are coping, and you will cope and things will get better.

Hugs.

Bet some of your friends are stretching the truth a little bit

I do feel for you My DS didn't sleep a full night until he was 2 and a half. It was exhausting and triggered PND, I think (along with three killer bouts of mastitis and an abcess - ouch, you poor thing). My DD has slept for 6 or 7 hour stretches from day 1. Nothing I did or didn't do. I've learnt the hard way that some babies are good sleepers and some take a bit longer to settle into a routine. So whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over it.

In the short term, can you express (once your breast is healed) and get your DH to take over for a night or two a week?

DS was like yours, and I sympathise completely, p[articularly as everyone else's babies seemed to be sleeping. I did quite a lot of weeping in his first year, mostly due to sleep deprivation.

Hang in there, it does get better. DS gradually improved and now sleeps really well (although I'm afraid we had to wait until toddlerhood) Just look after yourself as much as you can

Just wanted to add - when my DS did finally start sleeping through (miraculously, with no help from me)...boy, did he! He's 3.11 yrs old now and sleeps 7pm-7.30/8am like a dream. Yours will, too!

aaah, thank you - much appreciated! I've never managed to get ds to take ebm from a bottle (or indeed anything else), so dh can't help. But sleeping between feeds all weekend is a really good idea. I think just catching up a bit would give me some perspective!

Yes, you sound exhausted enough to warrant a bit of special treatment, I say. Can you just retire to your bed this weekend and have DH bring DS to you for feeds and then take him away from you? If you can get some sleep and just some restful periods of lying around watching TV and doing nothing you might feel a bit brighter. Short term fix, but it's best to deal with the present and not dpepress yourself worrying about next week, next month etc.

Can you get your dh to do everything except the feed at night? You wear earplugs so you don't wake up at every little sqwawk. Then your dh gets up, gets your ds, lies him down in bed next to you etc. When ds is finished feeding, your dh takes him and settles him back in his cot (when either of you wakes and notices he is there!).

I've had 2 children like this and one that sleeps. Didn't do anything different. But the one that sleeps - he still wakes up sometimes. None of them do 7-7 7 days a week.

They're all hardwork in some ways and easy in others. I think you are owed one that potty-trains at 25 months in 3 days and never has an accident!

I don't know if it will help to know you're not alone but you sound like me. Dd2 is 9 months and has managed four hours between feeds a couple of times but most nights it's 2 hours if I'm lucky. I know exactly what you mean about not seeing an end in sight, and I'm in exactly the same position with dh - I don't think he really realises just how very tired I am because he sleeps in the spare room - dd won't take a bottle and there's no sense both of us being up all night. So, I have no answers but please, please don't think you're the only one whose baby doesn't sleep. We're just really really unlucky.

Do get dh to take the baby all weekend apart from feeds and get some sleep. Things got marginally better for me when I stopped being quite such a martyr and started dumping dd on dh occasionally so I could just catch up a tiny bit, even if it's the middle of the night.

i'm only six months in so i salute you. we are currently down to 1.5 - two hours between feeds and i just want to cry. DH has agreed to let me sleep all day this weekend between feeds - at least it feels like there's the chance of a little sleep.

Mine doesn't sleep either,and so I was comforted by your post,on a selfish level even though I do really feel for you.My daughter is 20 months and has never slept through,I am hoping she will when she has all her teeth!

I very recently found out that some of the mums who were telling me their dc's were sleeping through actually meant they were sleeping between feeds, not actually not waking up between 7pm and 7am (the swines). I was stressing cos our dd was waking for a feed at 3am every night/morning and I thought it was due to something I was doing wrong!

cant believe how much I worried about it. DD is now 8.5 months old and has been waking around half 3 every morning for a grumble for ages. She no longer gets a feed then, so I'm blaming her teething/snotty nose.

For the record, our DD slept from 11pm til 7am for a few weeks only when she was about 3 months old. I have every faith that things will get better eventually. Keep your chin up

My son is 11.5 months and no, he does not sleep through the night, and has never done (wakes 4-7 times a night). I'm still b-feeding, and he refuses to sleep anywhere other than in our bed, between my husband and me. I'm sleep deprived, exhausted, emotional and yes, have been falling ill frequently. And he refuses expressed milk from a bottle, so hubby can't help with that one.
No solutions here, just solidarity. And have resorted to taking life one day at time - and to enjoying my son because everything he does is seriously CUTE.

Oh and forgot to add that I have developed insomnia as well - even when I do get a couple of hours, ie when hubby takes over on weekends, I CAN'T sleep - I just lie there, desperately tossing and turning, getting more frustrated by the minute. Nice, eh. But I try and compensate by nuzzling my baby's soft cheeks and tickling him until he rolls about laughing...

I'm so glad to have found this thread. I was just lamenting to my DH at lunchtime that I felt like lamping the next swine who tells me about a baby(theirs or otherwise) who is now "sleeping through" as my DS2 is not nearly there yet. Yes, it unleashes something almost violent in me, but I just end up vacating the room and having the odd wee sniffle to myself. And it's totally just your luck if they do or don't. Or I think if you bottle feed it happens quicker, according to what I've worked out. My mother-in-law took both kids the other night, with EBM and formula and I got a full eight hours and feel like a new person, but I know that's not an option if you can't get time to express or baby won't take bottle. So let's just get a moan out of our systems. And I also am angry with everyone who tells me he will sleep through eventually. mainly because no-one can give me an exact date!!!!!!!!!! And this is me with a good sleep under my belt!!!!!!!!!

You poor thing. I totally sympathise. My 2 year old still wakes up once a night, but until a few months ago it would be two or three times, so once a night is quite manageable in comparison. I have every sympathy, it really is horrible. You do need some downtime at weekends, don't feel bad about geting your dh to take him out and give you a rest. It will get better I promise.

I know exactly how you feel! Neither of my boys slept through until they were 2 years old. So with the sleepless nights of pregnancy with ds2 I figure I went about 5 years with very little sleep. And ds2 only started sleeping through (mostly) in November so I don't know when I will actually feel caught up iykwim.

FWIW, I think a lot of mothers who profess to having babies who sleep through are lying! Think about how many babies on your post-natal thread do the same. In my case exactly NONE.

My dd is now 22 months old and up until she was 18months we had 6 nights when she'd slept for more than 4 hours in a row. And they were on holiday in Palma where it was really hot.

My sleep deprivation also triggered pnd and I also got insomnia when dh took dd for me. I used to (and still do) go for an hour in a floatation tank. It was the closest I could get to fully relaxing.

I used the No Cry Sleep Solution book and I don't know if it worked or if dd just started sleeping better.

Have you tried your ds with a straw. My dd loved using a straw or a special leaning cup, I can't remember what they're called but you can buy them in John Lewis for £3. We started doing it during the day with water for fun and it evolved into a cup of ebm and now she has a cup of cows milk before bed.

I think the biggest breakthrough for us is when I cut out the night time comfort feeding, then cut the feeding to sleep. It was hard for a few weeks but it did improve things.

Now dd sleeps 7-8pm to 6am ish and wakes during the night about 3 times a week.

I used to get so angry with smug mummy's who's babies slept 7-7 without a peep. I used to wish they would have 2nd babies who didn't sleep, but now I really wouldn't wish it on anyone, I know how bloody hard it makes life.

Good Luck

I have a 9 month old as well who on good nights 'sleeps through' till 5, and on bad nights will wake up to three times. Not as bad as some but I still wonder if I should be doing something differently. The whole thing is confused by teething and colds and growth spurts etc.

I was the other day at another Mum whose son has only just started sleeping through exclaiming in astonishment that my DD doesn't. And suggesting that she is waking out of habit when she is still polishing off an 8oz bottle at about 1.30am.

I trust her when she needs more food or milk during the day so I would be refusing her food in the middle of the night purely in an attempt to make my life easier.

My sympathies are with you though - sleep deprivation is the worst and affects what should be a fun daytime as well.

thanks so much for lovely messages and suggestions! It has really made me feel better and less alone - I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but knowing I'm not the only one does make a difference. I think part of the problem is that I feel that it's my fault and that I'm a bad mum for not having fixed it (really not helped by loads of people treating me like I'm some kind of idiot for not doing cc - inc dh's entire family)

Hope everyone gets some sleep tonight!

I hope you had a good night.

DON'T BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR CHILD NOT SLEEPING. SOME KIDS JUST DON'T SLEEP. IF PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY, JUST IGNORE THEM, THEY ARE IGNORANT.

Okay, I hope you got that. There are thousands of us with kids that don't sleep and we can't all be idiots. Seriously f**k them if they think they know everything about the wonders of sleeping. You know your ds better than anyone else.

Sleep will happen at some point and you can be proud that you never forced anything on your ds and that you've never had to listen to him cry for hours.