16 month getting separation anxiety at bedtime. What's best thing to do??

[moneli]

Hi, having recovered from an ear infection and getting 2 molars through last week my DS, 16 months is still really upset when put to bed. We have had a good bedtime routine and have done since he was about 10 weeks (bath, milk, stories and bed) and he's tired when he goes to bed (lots of eye rubbing) but he gets really, really upset when put into his cot. In the past we have used controlled crying with success and up until a couple of months ago he went to sleep really easily and happily. It seems to be separation anxiety because he tries to wrap my arm underneath him and would go to sleep fairly quickly if I stayed in with him (although would probably wake up again when I tried to leave!) What do people think is the best thing to do? Should we stick to our guns and go back to the controlled crying (I normally go in after 5, 7, 9 mins etc) or should we change what we do and help him go to sleep? I'm interested in what the general consensus is.

has anyone got any advice?

Im waiting to hear any ideas as i have the same..wakes up totally distraught that im not there!!during the day hes a happy social little thing and doesnt mind wandering off on his own,,not clingy at all..but come night time ..whole different story.so im waiting to hear what everyone else suggests..and total sympathy for you.. By the way ive done controlle dcrying and after the third night of crying for 3 hours more or less none stop..were exhausted and cant let him suffer any more.

Oh dear, 3 hours sounds tough for all of you. Let's hope we get some good advice!

Have you got a comfort blanket or toy? These work really well if you could get your little one to become attached to it. They're proven to help children deal with being separated from their primary carer.

We have a Sleepytot which works for us, but you could try anything. Maybe just choose one, take it about with you both until it becomes familiar. If you hold it close to you it should take on your smell. Just place it close to him when he's having his bottle and not make a big deal out of it.

If what he's afraid of is separation, then he needs reassurance but at the same time, you don't want to be the prop to help him get off to sleep or he'll need you every time he wakes.

Ultimately, you may prefer to do controlled crying again - it depends on what you can cope with. We used to have a lullaby CD which worked to relax our DS. And when he reached 18 months he became afraid of the dark so we gave him a little night light. Could you try telling him you will be back in 2 minutes and then come back after 2 mins. Then say you will be back in 4 minutes, and keep that up until he drops off?

I guess it's all just trial and error. Sorry I don't have more advice!

We have done a form of gradual withdrawal/retreat, as I'm not v good at controlled crying (and DS is too stubborn). You basically sit with them until they go to sleep, moving a little further away each night. So you could cuddle to sleep first night, then sit by cot with hand on, then sit by door etc until you say you will wait outside on the landing. It does take longer than CC, so is not a quick fix. HTH

Thanks for the messages. We did cc last night and it took 20 mins, so not bad, and then he did sleep through til 6. He has become quite attached to a teddy in his cot who he cuddles when asleep and we have lullaby music that plays for a little while when we leave the room so I guess we're doing the right things and just need to stick at it!