DS resisting sleep from 9pm to midnight, 22 months old, used to be a great sleeper - at wit's end!

[RoRoMommy]

DS is 22 months old, and we co-sleep. We were in the US for two weeks over the holidays, and he's readjusted from the jetlag. New problem: put him down at 8pm, and he wakes anywhere from 9-10:30pm and will not settle back to sleep. He wants his slippers, so I get them. Then he wants some water, so I let him have some. Then he wants daddy, so daddy comes in. Then he wants to be in his cot (used for naps) and he wants me to pat his bottom. Then he wants his gro-bag off...it goes on and on until I take him up to my mum's room (she lives with us), and after a few minutes of fussing he goes back to sleep.

I still bf, and on these nights he can be comfort sucking for an hour of the three that he spends playing around, which is difficult for me (and my poor nipples).

What's happening, and what should I do?

TIA

What happens if you do not get him the things he is asking for?

RoRoMummy

Am watching this thread with interest. We were awake between 11pm and 2am and had the following requests from our 20m dd:

Balamory
Her baby (Annabel)
Laa Laa
Water (which she spat everywhere so her pjs had to be changed. Twice.)
Bottle (which she played with)
Fifi and the Flowertots

We cosleep too. Oh, the fun we had waking her up for nursery this morning at 7am.

don't get him slippers etc

night time is not for playing and i would ignore the requests saying it is sleepy time

Sounds like its time to get a bit tougher. My DD is 23 months. They sometimes do genuinely want something. But they are also learning that they get the reward of more time with you by requesting things at bedtime. So we have had "Bus" (please sing wheels on the bus AGAIN), milk, water, fleecy suit, daddy, mummy etc etc some nights.

Suggest that you examine the night time routine, strengthen it if possible, and then once it is actually bed time do not perform requests, repeat a boring mantra such as "its sleepy time now" "time for bed with teddy". And sit quietly in the dark with them.

Make it REALLY tedious.

The screaming is horrid though.

If I don't give him the things he asks for, he cries and flails about and tries to get out of bed.

Pinkjenny, I know your pain. My god, rempy, we have the same child. I sang bus for thirty minutes last night. What was it you thought I should make tedious?

I will try to ignore requests and be more strict; so the crying is not a "bad" thing per se?

i can imagine the failing roro!

BUT, and i acknowledge i am may be a bit sterner, but night time is for sleeping and not for messing about

if my DS is thirsty he can have a drink or i leave a beaker in his room

one story and lights off - he can amuse himself if he wants but i don't run up and down for him

UNLESS there is a full on wail

Yes, I do need to get tougher. I see that now...the crying isn't nice, but he's just messing about. Is this part of the "testing boundaries" business that comes about at this stage?

Could you put him to bed at 9-9:30 ish instead?

maybe, but that would cut into the "adults-only" time with DH that I treasure so much...worth a shot, perhaps?

absolutley Roro - DS is a master!

He actually does that awful crying where there are no tears and he looks at me to check my reaction

Yes, it is boundary testing. And they arent doing it in a nasty way, but it is about seeing that they have control over their parents to some extent, and exercising it.

Bedtime routine then needs to be exactly the same, so every night it is only 2 stories, (her choice what but one of which is always bloody bus), it is milk, teeth, fleecy suit.

My DD now turns off the hall and bedroom lights as the final indicator that it is BEDTIME.

And after that, if wailing, requesting, go in, in the dark, sit and cuddle if necessary. Sing the bloody bus quietly and slowly if necessary, no actions, but stop frequently to see if you can stop completely, and say its sleepy time in response to any "exciting" activity, such as putting on slippers. DH has been known to sit cuddling her with eyes closed and have a nap himself. That level of tedious. Minimise interactions completely. I talk in a low volume monotone. It helps keep the irritation out of my voice.

The other thing we have found brilliant at getting DD back into bed is to say that her teddies that are still in bed want to see her.

Ignore chatter to teddies. Ignore low level keening.

Rubyslippers, you've got a little actor on your hands! DS has just started doing this himself.

I do wonder if this is his way of telling me that he wants more time with me? Thoughts? I work FT out of the home.

I would try it but I am sort to give anything a shot in the hope it will work (but usually doesn't)

RoRo - I work 4 days, and feel so guilty that she doesn't see me enough, which is I think one of the reasons why I never really commit to solving her sleep ishoos.

Nappy - my dd seems to go to sleep at 9pm every night, my mum has suggested I just take her to bed then too, but I do worry that then she'd mess about til 11!

Very good suggestions. Bedtime routine is too short, just bath, teeth, jammies and bf to sleep. Then he wakes up after an hour and wants to play (or bf for an hour). Maybe a couple of stories would help, though I wonder if not since the behavior occurs after he's woken from intial bedtime?

PJ - what time do you put her to bed at the moment? DS goes to sleep about 9ish too and normally goes straight off. However when my mum has him she insists on putting him to bed no later than 8 which results in him messing around cos he's not tired but actually usually ends up going to sleep much later than his usual 9pm.

I go up with her at about 7.15pm and we watch the tv and she usually drops off just before 9pm.

I think by her watching TV in bed with you is that she may associate bed with being awake and having fun with mummy rather than sleeping?

Quiet time before bed is good but I think if you are doing to do that and watch tv I would do it downstairs and then take her upstairs closer to the time she would naturally fall asleep iyswim.

Yes, this is true. I read somewhere many moons ago that when you are trying the gentle approach to sleep, and giving in to demands, the solution soon becomes the problem.

Too true, too true! Right, will keep her up tonight and see how that goes!