Sleeping, feeding, cot, our bed, screaming for an hour and a half last night - I am making a hash of this. Please help.

[rempy]

DS, 5 months breastfed. Cot in our room, usual scenario is feeds to sleep, goes in cot, wakes 3-4 times to feed, I'm knackered and fed up at 4 am, he comes in with me.

Its getting worse not better, last night particularly bad, down at 7.30, woke at 9, settled with a cuddle, woke at 9.10, settled with a cuddle, woke at 9.20, offered boob, he has never refused, has a rather pathetic feed, goes in cot, wakes 10.30 as usual for proper feed, wakes 12, 1.30, after this try and put down about 5 times, crying in minutes of going in cot, comes into bed.

At 5 he feeds well, I decide to put him in cot, pick up, settle, put down about 10 times. Each time wakes SCREAMING, not whimpering. Goes on and on. In my arms, in DH arms, settles eventually, put down, SCREAMS, decide as its taken over an hour to put in with me again, put down sleepy in my bed, me next to him, SCREAMS, at 6.30 offered boob again, takes it, put next to me, SCREAMS, offered boob again, goes to sleep.

DH thinks I should be feeding everytime he wakes, and putting in cot afterwards.

I think that DS is getting upset some of the time because he has lots of wind and gut ache, probably because he is eating too frequently. I think we should be trying to spin out the feed interval (and try and get in cot).

DH is getting really cross about this, he only ever sees DS at 5.30 when he gets home - DS is whingey and generally fed up with the day - or screaming in the night. He has suggested CC, as holding, shushing, patting, rocking seem to do nothing for DS, he might as well be in his cot screaming.

I think DS sleep needs have come bottom of the pile for 5 months, being constantly kept quiet because DH has to work, and so that he doesnt wake DD.

I wanted to breastfeed to 6 months, but am really starting to wonder if I am going to have to wean to remove the breastfeeding to sleep option. I really don't think we can do another 5 weeks of this, just to say that I "did the right thing" re breastfeeding.

Please, what can we do?

I am more or less in the same situation. DS sleeping in my arms ATM. DH wants to do CC and I don't.

Rempy, firstly, of course you did the right thing by breastfeeding, never doubt that.

Our DD used to sleep maybe 7/8/9 hours but since 4 months has started doing similar - waking all the time and, like you, I've put her into our bed so DH can get some rest for work. She is a nightmare to settle without normally a combination of boob, rocking and hairdryer or hoover(!)

Yesterday we started pick up put down. It's HARD, but it is achieving results. Today and yesterday she napped for an hour and half in the day which is totally unheard of for her.

It's a baby whisperer technique if you're interested in it.

DS is always snotty. DD goes to nursery and brings home "virus of the week" for him. However he is not unwell.

I don't think he is teething.

He has learnt to sit this week.

Naps are chaos. He is currently asleep on my lap. I have tried to get him in cot for at least morning nap. It is rather a trial with DD either downstairs going MUMMY, MUMMY, or upstairs shouting Teddy!, Blind!, Blanket! and me getting irritated with both of them.

I'm not actually totally on my knees with tiredness in the day, its just in the early hours, when its freezing, and youve been up twice, that I am knackered and bring him into bed.

And although co-sleeping makes DS (and DH) sleep blissfully, I am getting really worried that Im reinforcing a sleep habit that in the medium and long term is unhelpful for DS, and is actually hard for me, I am getting a lot of hip and neck pain.

I think I probably am doing pick up put down, its just that after the tenth failed put down DH gets cross, and DS is hysterical.

That sounds really tough Rempy, it's bad enough for us but we don't have an older DC to deal with too.

I think with pu/pd you have to really see it through - although we didn't this morning as we missed the window to get her down and she was overtired when we started. I tried for an hour and a half and ended up just bringing her back downstairs.

BUT it did work quickly with the next nap when we persevered.

I'm hating it though

I did a shush pat in arms, put down, pick up, then shush pat in cot, with DD. It took ages (months) to get to just chucking in cot and saying nap time but we did. She is now brilliant about nap and bed times.

I am really worried that I need to do the same for DS, but just cant, and we are going to have years of drama.

I really just need to get a grip on this, decide what is most important, and get on with it. And get DH onside.

But what is most important?

Daytime structure?

All sleeping in cot, no more co-sleeping?

Spacing out feeds so DS doesnt keep on waking himself up farting/gipping/sicking/refluxing?

ARGHGHHGHGH. WHERE IS THE F*&£ING MANUAL?

months

I really don't know, but it sounds like you need to speak to your DH and decide between you. Good luck.

I think you should be feedin him when he wakes

the annoyance you feel will be partly form when he wakes so so so quickly after you just cuddled him to sleepo but thats because he wanted boob

Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am that your so tired. It's a simple fact if you don't sleep for at least 4 hours in a row, you won't reach REM sleep and you need that to survive.

I have a child that simply doesn't sleep so I totally understand how wearing it can get.

My dd used to wake to feed sometimes 10-15 times a night. For a long time I just put up with it and sat up in the cold feeling like I was a useless mother.

I think that at least until 6 months you need to feed on demand, if he sleeps better in your bed then do it for another month. Then you can move him to his own room and decide on feeding times, say 3 times a night. If he wakes in between then try rocking or soothing to sleep. After a few nights he should pick up the routine. I rocked my dd to sleep, of course I then had to faze out the rocking, but it was allot easier than going full cold turkey. Then you can just drop the night feeds slowly. Simple......Ha Ha Ha....it's never simple is it, but it kind of worked for us.

Good Luck and remember they will grow out of it.

Rempy, my DS is 8 weeks and we have been experiencing exactly the same as you, I was exclusively bfing him and he was waking up every couple of hours for a feed.

Last week I experiemented by giving him just half a carton of formula before I put him down at 8pm(after bath and breastfeed). It has worked like a charm, to just fill him up that little bit more and make him sleep.
I felt bad for offering formula but I strongly believe that this was the best solution for all fo us! It makes him sleep from 8pm till about 2-3pm ish, I then bf him and he wakes at 7-8am ish.
You could always express milk in the daytime and give him this as a big feed instead of formula (but I can never seem to express much!).

Hiya - I am in the same horrible boat as you.
My DS is 6mth next week and keeping me up for about 5-6 weeks now at night and i feel like i am going insane.

Trying really hard to keep it together and not get into bad habits (feeding in the night on demand, always taking into our bed...) - the pressure from routine books and advice from others etc is crippling me.

Have not tried CC yet, DS is going in own room on sunday. He is weaning which i think is a problem, plus this cold weather.

I feel for you!

I think you should put the cot side-car and if DH has a strong opinion on where DS should sleep, then HE should be the one to see to it it gets done. You have two children to look after and you need your sleep too, so you need to do whatever it is that maximises your sleep. You don't have to wean to remove BF to sleep option and frankly with so much night waking, I would not rush into removing it because then what are you going to do when he wakes in the night? Now is a v. common time for a growth spurt, so def. needs feeding if he's taking it and having a proper feed. If he's arsing around it's a different story. Re: bf, it's recommended to 12 months, so you're only half way there.

Topping up with formula is a the first step to stopping bf'ing. My friends did this with their babies and it worked at first but only for a couple of nights then it was back to normal night waking plus the pressure of heating bottles etc...