Co-sleeping breastfeeders - anyone out there manage to night wean ?

[chatti]

Need to get my work head back on very soon (boo hoo!) and my 11 month old is still waking and b/feeding through the night. Any tips on night weaning? Is it really possible?

Hi, not had much luck but not really tried hard tbh, but will watch your thread with interest! There were some threads on this I was reading a while ago when someone mentioned Jay Gordon as a method that worked. I had a quick look on the internet and it looked like something I would give a go at some point.

Hi preggersplayspop. Thanks. Have seen the Jay Gordon web site. May try it. At the moment it seems like some mythical quest as I don't know anyone who has actually managed it. We're going to try and tackle it last week in Jan, so thought it would be good to get some ideas and experiences.

We were going to tackle it this week....its not happened!! I keep saying I want to wait for DS to stop teething as bf is a sure-fire quick way of getting him back to sleep when he wakes, but he seems to be perpetually teething.

I've not managed at all and I go back to work soon also. DS is a v. frequent night waker and bf is such a useful way to settle him

sorry to be the bearer of bad newas but dd 20 mths still co sleeps and b/f throughout the night any miracle cures please please let me know

Thanks for your posts. It's a tough one isn't it. I am getting so tempted by the idea of complete weaning. Will keep scouring and post back if I hear of any fab new approaches.

Didn't manage it until ds was 2.9, despite having tried Dr Jay Gordon's method 3 times. Always felt too mean.

Hi folks. This link looks interestingwww.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/679062-Trying-to-night-wean-toddler-hard-Anyone-buck- me-up

That is an interesting link chatti. Feenie, how did you manage to do it in the end?

Btw, chatti I have been back at work now for a few months and its not been too bad for me, I'm used to less sleep now I think and my DH looks after DS on weekend mornings so I get a lie in (until about 7 at least!). I can't remember feeling tired at work at all so even if you don't manage the night weaning before you go back, don't panic!

I did it - but am only a part time cosleeper, ds always starts in his cot but ends up in our bed. We had already stopped bf in day which he wasn't really that bothered about...

I can tell you what i did if it helps? Don't want to blather on if you think it would be different as he's not in our bed all night (he always bf A LOT at night, and it got so that it was generally easier just to take him in with us rather than spending ages trying to get him back in cot. Sometimes I'd manage to settle him once but usually he was in with us from 12 ish... on a good night maybe not til 2 or 3)

am also a very non-mean mummy at least that's the aim... am pretty soft.

oh ds was 11 mo when we did the last, and hardest bit of night-weaning

I did my last night wean at 11 months too. Got DP to do it and didn't let her near me for a couple of nights . Took two weeks in the end as I ruddy well picked the week she was teething. Felt awful afterwards (but slept well )

It can be done! I did it when dd1 was 8 months old, and didn't stop bf till she was 22 months. And we co-slept till she was two and a half.

It took one night of grim determination when we were prepared to do anything to help her settle apart from feed. And after that she never needed to again - she would just wake up in the night for cuddles, which was very sweet.

If you don't manage it don't worry too much - I went back to work when dd was 8mths, she's now 13mths and still co-sleeping, bf-ing about 3 times per night, but co-sleeping makes it bearable...just!! You do survive somehow...

Thanks everyone for your posts. Really promising to hear it can be done. Nolongerchunkybutstillapudding how did you manage it? We actually do a wee bit of early cot sleep (1-2hrs if we're lucky)so very interested to hear your approach. Maenad Wow, amazed you did it in just one night. Was your dd1 feeding much? Preggersplayspop nd and Caz10 Thanks. Good to hear you are both surviving. Do you reckon the b/f hormones are helping you both function? Part of me worries that if I did wean completely I would become a gibbering non-functioning wreck!

As far as I remember (it's a while ago now) she tended to wake up 40 mins after being put to bed, I'd feed her back to sleep, then she would wake up once or twice more and I'd feed her back to sleep. It was the first waking that I tackled, and that cracked the whole thing. I was amazed actually. Though it didn't mean she slept through after that - she would still wake up and want a snuggle. But I found that less tiring.

hey chatti...

we had already stopped day feeds, and then sort of worked backwards, starting with saying any feeds after 6am would be from his cup instead (keeping boobs covered up!)

The first time he was really upset, I just made sure I kept cuddling and reassuring him. It was probably about an hour and I hated it - he didn't yell the whole time but there were a few peaks that were awful... the cuddles did help tho I think although he wanted to find a boob... that time he drank from his cup a couple of times and then cuddled up to me and slept a bit more.

Did this for the same feed a couple more nights and it was never as bad as the first time, tho he was still a bit outraged, he settled down quite quickly to getting used to his cup. Then moved 'deadline' back to 5 and then to any feeds after midnight... Once all night feeds were from his cup I switched to water at night, that bit didn't seem to bother him much - it was more saying bye to the boob I think!

Once he was used to this I started on the hardest feed to quit - as he had got used to feeding to sleep. Used the same approach as described before, lots of kisses and cuddles and patience. Again this was hard at first, especially as between me and ds we had to kind of work out a new bedtime routine so we both knew what was going on!

At first he didn't drink much at this feed but now he guzzles about 200-300 ml, we have a little song, kiss his teddies goodnight and settle him in cot (lying him gently back down each time he tries to climb out!)

Although sometimes it still takes a while to settle him and he still wakes at night things have settled down soo much and I can often resettle him just by stroking his back for a bit....

we are now quite often getting nights where he will go til 5 or so (6 last night!!) before waking and coming in with us. And ds used to wake up A LOT. and feed A LOT.

feel like I've waffled on for ages but it was hard to explain as we didn't follow any adivce in the end, just worked it out in a way that I could manage! Never found even the gentlest gurus follow-able, mostly just cos they weren't there beside me at 3am when it was all going tits up! and after a ton of self doubt I realised that NO ONE knows ds (or me) better than I do..

if I've missed anything in all this waffle please ask and I'll try to answer!

oH, RE bf hormones I felt like a crazy person to start with but it settled down. am no madder than usual now

am also working, but only 2 days a week thankfully.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, let us know and we'll all be there for you!!!

do i win a prize for longest ever post on mn?

preggersplayspop, we did it in the end by me telling ds for a few days before that we were going to stop at night time. At that stage he still loved bfding and would spend the hours from about 3am till 7am dozing and bfding. He wan't having any in the day at that stage, just at bedtime and through the night. We talked about it for a few days, and he seemed to get used to the idea (I was dreading it, having tried a few times when he was younger with days of crying for up to 2 hours a night before we would give in after nearly 10 days, and decide to try when he was older). But when the time came, he had the most half-hearted of moans about it, like I'd just said he couldn't have a biscuit, cried for a few minutes, then just accepted it and went back to sleep! I was gob-smacked, and convinced it was a one-off, but he wasn't really bothered the next night either, and that was that!
We carried on with the bedtime feed till he was 3, and did the same strategy - talking about it for days leading up to it, how he was going to be 3 and a big boy, and by the time it happened he was quite proud of himself, and wasn't bothered at all.
I am still amazed - he was such a milk monster that I worried for months about how difficult it was all going to be, and in the end it was so simple!

Well ds2 is 7 months and has been kind of co-sleeping until 2 weeks ago. (Start in his crib, then come in with us for a feed and stay put until I woke again and put him back in his crib!)

I'd had enough as I'm still having pelvic girdle problems and lying in one position with him for a while was aggravating it so we put him in his cot in his own room and just decided that was it - no more night feeds (he's fully weaned and on 98th percentile s not exactly needing the calories!) We also decided to do away with dummies while we were at it!

It took 4 nights really to see a big improvement. Lots of shushing and patting and and awful lot of resolve. We did it while DH was off work over Christmas so that I could have a lie in after my often prolonged night time wakings!

It's been going great, but now he's started teething....................!

Hi NLCBSAP (love the name by the way!) Thanks for this. Lots to think about. Might struggle with the cup method though as DS uses his more for sprinkling than drinking! Very cute by day but not what you want at 3am! But you have given me hope which will strengthen my flakey resolve, so thanks again. Maenad Mine lo wakes up 40 mins after settling too(baby sleep cycle madness!?) so might try and crack that one first as fast exit from bf all-night rollercoaster! We're planning to give this a bash last week in Jan...will let you all know how we get on

I tried the Jay Gordon method with my DS1 but in the end it was only moving him to his own bed and using DH which worked. We co-slept a bit, in his bed, after that but not back in our own. He was 14 mo when we did it.

With DS2 we just went straight to the sleeping with Daddy business and it was a lot less upsetting for all of us. I sadly had to wean him fully at the same time, and he came back into our bed a bit later.

Hi IwishIwasmoreorganise, teething is a killer isn't it. DS got his firt tooth at four months, he's now 11 months with eight teeth and I think his middle ones are on the move as he is dribbling and side biting like crazy. I often wonder whether the night time b/f is a symptom of teething discomfort??

Hi Thingone. Interesting.... we have been thinking of getting dp to sleep with him alone for a couple of nights to see if it works but am slightly worried it might completely freak him out as he has just entered separation anxiety territory...No booby, no mummy and a night of humming amazing grace (DP's chosen method of getting him to sleep)might just push him over the edge. But on the other hand it could work. Oooooh lots to think about!