DS is 2.5 yrs. He has always been in or by our bed when BF and welcome in our bed since he moved to his own room. (Favourite book is 3 in a bed as it was the only thing I read to re-inforce my ideas - unfortuneately found too late to make me feel better in first year.)
SO....At bedtime we follow our little routine (so do my parents when they do it(weekly)), then I sit by the bed and wait and "help" him to get to sleep. It is taking anything up to an hour and a half of different amounts of patting, cuddling, sleeping in with him in our or his bed, singing, silence, oo-ji breathing, cajoaling, threatening (sometimes - e.g "if you don't lie down I'm leaving the room"), and I fall asleep many time before he does. He also "needs" my hair to twiddle with until he sleeps. I think it replaced my breast as a comfort item. I have tried replacing it with a doll with "real" hair but he is not fooled! Ideas please. (He also twiddles my hair at moments of tiredness and stress or anxiety in the daytime too).
I'm exhausted anyway from disturbed sleep, as he wakes once (ish) in the night and gets in with us, plus I work part time and have a lazy husband (housework wise). By the time he's asleep and I get out of his room I'm ready for bed (sometime between 8 and 9.30pm.) With the house and dinner to deal with.... Also am moderately depressed which makes me even tireder. If it wasn't for everything I would just keep going until he's ready, but I am too ratty with the world and him for it to continue.
DH wants to use a crying method (and does when I'm not there). I WONT and CAN'T even when I tried for 30s once! It is AGAINST EVERYTHING that I believe in. Please don't
post if you believe in the crying methods.
In the summer, for about a week both my mother and I worked to get to the point where we could pop out of the room for a short while, but we lost that when we went on holiday and he was in a travel cot and going to sleep in our bed as I couldn't bend down into the cot for an hour so he could twiddle my hair!!!!! So I know it is possible, but he won't even allow me to move now.
HELP. Books, or methods or ANYTHING friendly to DS and to me!