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Ok enough's enough-please come and tell me how to go about controlled crying?

6 replies

monthlymayhem · 08/01/2009 16:25

I really don't like the idea of controlled crying but after nearly 10 months of having very little sleep, and the prospect of going back to a stressful full time job in three weeks time, I'm at the end of my tether.

I've tried all of the more 'gentle' techniques and things are getting worse rather than better Co-sleeping also isn't an option.

LO used to at least go down to sleep easily - swaddled for day naps/grobag for bedtime, dummy in, placed in Amby nature nest and he would settle himself to sleep. However over the last month or so he's crawling, standing up etc and so we had to transfer him into a cot. He can also get out of any swaddle so he's now in his grobag for both bedtime and naps (used to be in grobag for just bedtime).

When placed in his cot he will just crawl around, stand up, play at first until he gets so tired that it moves to crying, etc, etc.

I've tried cuddling to sleep which normally works at bedtime, but it's just taken me 1.5 hours to get him down for his afternoon nap that way, and was a battle.

During the night he can waken up to 8 times, sometimes for his dummy, other times we need to spend 1 hour + cuddling back to sleep. I have now attached his dummy to his grobag so he's starting to get the hang of putting it back in himself.

Anyway before this turns into a book, with three weeks left before going back to work I need to do something. So, how do I go about controlled crying step by step? One of the things I'm not sure about is when you go back in after X minutes do you wait until they are settled again, or just let them know you're there and walk back out.

Often I need to literally hold LO down otherwise he just clambers everywhere and gets himself into more of a state. So with CC would I need to wait until he's settled again lying down, or walk away and let him go down himself?

Thanks for your help!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DaddyJ · 08/01/2009 16:41

Ok, brace yourself for a real battle of wills.
He is 10 months already and very mobile
which makes CC more tricky.

Have you tried shh/pat, i.e. putting him down in his cot
and then stroking/patting his back until he's dropped off?

To answer your questions:

So, how do I go about controlled crying step by step?
I will post a link once I am at home but there must be a few posts in the sleep archive explaning the technique.

One of the things I'm not sure about is when you go back in after X minutes do you wait until they are settled again, or just let them know you're there and walk back out.
It's completely your choice.
If you prefer to cuddle/comfort him until he is has calmed down, go for it.

So with CC would I need to wait until he's settled again lying down, or walk away and let him go down himself?
That's the tricky bit I don't know!
I would say settle him then leave.

MegBusset · 08/01/2009 16:49

This sounds like my DS before we did CC at 9mo. Luckily for us it was very quick (2 nights) and relatively painless (he cried for a much shorter time than on your average night before we did CC, when I would try for hours to settle him while he screamed and wriggled).

There are variations on the technique but we basically firstly made sure he had a very strong bedtime routine with lots of sleep cues. Then on the night we decided to start CC, we put him in his cot awake after his BF and said "Night night" and left the room.

We only left short intervals of 1, 2, 3, 5, 10 minutes (actually we never left him as long as 10 mins because he'd fallen asleep before we got to that point).

I found that he would stop crying as soon as I went in the room, then I would give him a pat and say "night night" again and leave the room. I think you have to judge by your own baby, though. I said to myself that if he got really distressed I wouldn't leave him. But he never did -- his cries were somewhat outraged but not hysterical.

monthlymayhem · 08/01/2009 22:25

Thanks both for your advice, it's really helpful.

Daddy J- We used Shush patting to really good effect when he was 4/5 months old and swaddled, however now he's older it's hard to do as he just won't lie still!

Meg - it's encouraging to hear a success story at a similar age and in just 2 nights What did you do if your LO sat up/stood up in the cot as you were leaving the room - did you go back in and lie him back down before leaving?

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DaddyJ · 09/01/2009 00:11

Right, first a story on gradual retreat
in case you find CC simply does not work - for you and/or your ds.

And here is one very old but useful thread on CC - hope that helps.

Good luck!

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 09/01/2009 00:50

This reply has been deleted

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monthlymayhem · 09/01/2009 22:20

Daddy J, thanks v much for the links they've given me lots of ideas and tips to try

TPHW - thanks also for explaining what you did. I've also been trying a version of pick up put down over the last day or so, really just 'put down' I guess as everytime ds wakes up now he's sitting up.

Yesterday for his afternoon nap I must have put him down at least 60 times over a 1.5 hour period, while he screamed his head off. However he did eventually get the message and lay down, cried for another 30 mins or so while I shush patted him and then finally went to sleep.

Last night he woke up many times, but we just had to lay him back down and he went back to sleep without needing anything else to settle which is an improvement on recent nights. So far tonight it's been the same - he went to bed at 7.30pm and has woken three times sitting up, but has settled once I've placed him back down.

Hopefully he'll work out soon how to lie back down himself! If not, we're going to start CC on Monday night once my DH is off nightshifts.

Thanks again!

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