Toddler No Longer Sleeping Well...help !!!

[BabiesEverywhere]

My DD (28 months old) use to have an afternoon nap most days and then I would put her to bed between 6.30pm and 7.30pm after her milk feed and she would either go straight to sleep or occassional read her books/play with her bed toys for a few minutes and then go to sleep.

For the last few weeks she won't sleep in the afternoon at all and now she has started not going to bed properly too.

We had to borrow another stair gate off my mother to keep her in her room, as she had started to come out of her room and play in the other upstair rooms when we put her in bed. Something she never has done ever, in fact she has never tried to leave her room before, she always calls for us to open the door for her.

I am spending a hour or more every night going upstairs to calm and cuddle her and retuck her back in bed. I respond to her if she wants milk or a drink but I will not play with her or let her back downstairs.

I am just so tired, my DH is working overtime every night at the moment, so I am doing all the bedtime stuff on my own and I have a 4 month old baby to love, cherish and care for at the same time. Thank goodness we co-sleep (with the baby) else I wouldn't be getting ANY rest.

I go to bed early myself anyway but when my DD doesn't settle I can't go to bed/sleep either and I am getting rattier and more tired by the day. I am not getting any time when I am 'partially off call' as such. I just need a few minutes 30 minutes when I just have the baby to carry/change/feed and the lovely but demanding toddler is asleep. I know that sounds selfish but I have been 'on shift' for days now and I need a break.

I do not believe in ignoring her or cry it out and so I am looking for other solutions or maybe it is just a phrase and I just have to wait it out.

Bump for the evening crowd

Is she over-tired due to dropping her nap? Insist on an hour's "quiet time" in bed with books when she normally napped and bring her bedtime forward. You can also do a sticker chart or whatever reward system fits your parenting for staying in her room at night. It sounds like typical toddler getting more adventurous and testing her boundaries.

She refused to nap again today

She already has quiet books and a couple of soft toys in her room and I am happy for her to have quiet time instead of sleeping but she doesn't want to do either.

In fact we are back to co-sleeping at night as she won't settle at night...Oh well, onward and upward, she will sleep properly again.

We have a similar sort of age gap just a few months further on (10 month-old baby and 2.8 yr old dd). We also co-sleep and dd has co-slept more or less regularly since ds was born (we have a double and a single futon lined up next to each other) - a year ago she was sleeping in her own bed no problem!

Dd has also recently dropped her midday nap, as she was absolute hell to settle in the evening for quite a while and found it harder to fall asleep during the day, so I dispensed with the daytime nap and re-claimed my evenings

One thing i have also started doing, which she absolutely loves and now asks for after her bath each night, is a simple reflexology technique that I read in a baby massage book (i have not actually been properly taught reflexology so god knows if I am actually doing it right but it is a very simple sequence). It does seem to calm her down and she's definitely much easier to settle for sleep on the nights that she has had this, than not. Do you think something like a simple massage would help to calm her (just an idea as I only recently discovered how this has helped dd who has one of those minds that are constantly racing - although of course all children are different!)

I feel for you though. My dh also comes home late from work (around 9 or 10pm) so I also have to do the bedtime routine on my own every night and I am another non-believer in 'cry it out'.

Just to add - am going to see how it pans out with the co-sleeping and not add too much pressure to get dd back into her own bed. She obviously needs it at the moment plus right now, sleep is my main priority and for us, that means co-sleeping and 4 in a bed!

Thanks UpSinceCrapOClock (love the name BTW)

I think I will try moving their bath to the evening (currently I bath the children when I have my shower in the morning) or give my DD a second bath at night.

Like the idea of a massage, I did 'baby massage' with her yonks ago, but unsure if my 4 month old would give me the time needed.

More importantly, I feel better knowing someone else who is going through the same situation and doesn't think us co-sleeping with an toddler is odd

Of course it does depend on the 4 month-old if you want to try massage on the toddler. Ds has always been a dream to settle in the evening, bit of boob and then straight to sleep. The past week or so however he has been a different baby and very difficult to settle (not sure if it's because he's learning so much and has just started cruising furniture, or because he's teething - he is drooling for Europe at the moment - or probably a bit of both).

I bath the children together, and then decide the plan of action for ds accordingly - either he plays with a toy on the floor while I give dd the massage, or the past few nights, I've been rocking him to calm him down a little bit while dd is still playing in the bath, and have then put him in the Ergo on my back, so then I could focus on dd. Hmm, I suppose though slinging would be a bit awkward for you as your baby is still so little? Are there any other ways you could leave the baby so that s/he is happy while you focus 5 or 10 minutes on dd? (I say 'leave' but I mean next to you on a playmat on the floor with a toy or something)

ps, big fans of co-sleeping here, my life turned round when I 'discovered' it when dd was about 4 or 5 months or so - co-slept with ds from the day he was born and can't believe the difference in my nights from when dd was tiny! I think there are a few co-sleeping toddlers on mn? I also find that quite heartening

Of course it does depend on the 4 month-old if you want to try massage on the toddler. Ds has always been a dream to settle in the evening, bit of boob and then straight to sleep. The past week or so however he has been a different baby and very difficult to settle (not sure if it's because he's learning so much and has just started cruising furniture, or because he's teething - he is drooling for Europe at the moment - or probably a bit of both).

I bath the children together, and then decide the plan of action for ds accordingly - either he plays with a toy on the floor while I give dd the massage, or the past few nights, I've been rocking him to calm him down a little bit while dd is still playing in the bath, and have then put him in the Ergo on my back, so then I could focus on dd. Hmm, I suppose though slinging would be a bit awkward for you as your baby is still so little? Are there any other ways you could leave the baby so that s/he is happy while you focus 5 or 10 minutes on dd? (I say 'leave' but I mean next to you on a playmat on the floor with a toy or something)

ps, big fans of co-sleeping here, my life turned round when I 'discovered' it when dd was about 4 or 5 months or so - co-slept with ds from the day he was born and can't believe the difference in my nights from when dd was tiny! I think there are a few co-sleeping toddlers on mn? I also find that quite heartening

sorry - not sure what happened there

Actually my DD was only in a pram a handful of times, she was in a sling or walking the rest of the time. Sadly I am getting rid of most of our slings to fund our double buggy, a necessary evil for us.

However I have kept a couple of mei tai's, a ring sling and a wrap for my little boy.
I am fairly experienced with slinging and have had him in a front carry from being 3 days old and in a back carry from being around 10 weeks old, as he is a big baby with great head control. I find the Kozy is better than my Ball Baby Overall for a back carry for him.

However he is usually very unsettled in the evening, prefering to be on the breast most of the time. I assume this is related to him being dragged around after me and DD all day...poor love. Some evenings he would be happy to be slung, other evening he wouldn't.

I'll just have to have a go and go with the flow

Ah ok, that's fair enough then! Hmmm, these are 2 difficult ages - especially as ds will probably be coming up for a growth spurt soon I think? I seem to remember my ds living off the boob between about 4 and 7 months! For me, it was deciding the different priorities between people's needs and feeding is a high priority, so I actually used to just let dd potter about playing with toys while I sat and fed ds on the sofa and there was a big period of time where she was actually going to bed very late.

These are phases though - can't count all the different bedtime phases we've been through!

From what I understand from your op though that your biggest problem is not so much trying to 'fix' your dd's sleep as simply trying to get more 'you time' (or even just time to sleep?) isn't it? Is there anyone you know who can perhaps come by now and then, so that you can have a rest and catch up a bit?

It is tough and it will pass! I know I get very ratty and tired sometimes and I feel awful about it, but on the other hand, whenever I am a bit short with dd, I always apologise to her afterwards and explain that I'm a bit tired etc and I try to see it in the positive way that I'm teaching dd that it's ok to feel angry, fed up etc, but what's important is how you react to those feelings (ie, telling the other person how you feel, and then apologising to them afterwards if you have said something you later regretted, or if you feel bad for being a bit snappy). Maybe I'm just thinking that to make myself feel better though (rather than because I think dd actually understands all of this).

Hi, my DS same age has started to resist at bedtime a bit recently, and asks to go to other rooms etc, and takes ages to fall asleep even after I've managed to settle him in bed. So perhaps an age thing, combined with 'I know mummy is downstairs with my DB'?

My only suggestion is perhaps to all go to bed co-sleeping at 6.30, then once she's asleep, & you've hopefully had a rest, you can transfer her back to bed and be rested enough to have some late night time with your husband +/- baby DS depending on his sleepy mood!

And would she be happy with a mattress on the floor in your room for night visits? You could teach her to try and creep in quietly without waking tired mummy + daddy. Maybe a toddler readybed would entice her, to make it special!

My DS comes in with us if he does wake at night, but I plan to try this is we have another baby and he starts needing more night time reassurance again. Anything to get those Zzzzzzzz

No nap time suggestions, but could enforce a quiet time by getting out with double buggy, only not very restful for you. Or if you drive, and they sleep in the car, drive till they're asleep, then park and sleep yourself!

Hope you get a big chunk of sleep soon.

Thanks Maygirl some good suggestions there. I especially like the idea of a ready bed (I could have it under ours and pull it out when we go to bed.)

Last night I manage to get her to sleep in her own room, door open but baby gate shut...with the promise that I would open the gate when mummy and daddy went to bed so she could come and join us. It half worked but she stood on the other side of our bedrom door shouting for me...LOL

I just confess that if the children have fallen asleep in the car by the time I get home. I have locked the car doors and had a quick snooze myself in the front drivers seat, the neighbours must think I am mad but sometimes you need to take the ZZZ's when you can get them.

Pleased you are making use of all sleep opportunities! Practice with her sneaking in quietly in the day so she knows exactly what to do! Mine would probably still wake me up to announce he was in Winnie the Pooh bed though! If your DH is working late at the moment perhaps thats why she doesn't want to go to bed without seeing him. Maybe she'll improve over the weekend if this is the case.