If you didn't put your LO in a bedtime routine right away and instead had them with you until you went to bed (late!), please come and talk to me

[HarktheheraldAnglepoise]

DD is 14 weeks today. We have never been in any kind of routine, day or night - she eats when hungry and sleeps when tired. Two days in a row she had naps at the same time and then never repeated it again. I'm possibly being a bit dense, but if she's going through lots of growth spurts then presumably she doesn't need the same amount of milk/sleep every day anyway, so I'm trying not to worry about it.

At the moment she is downstairs with us until we go to bed, usually about midnight or 1 am. Obviously she is not awake until that time (though she does quite often perk up just as we decide to head to bed ) but generally sleeps in her chair, or fusses until our dinner goes cold and then sleeps in her chair. Then we give her a change and I take her upstairs, put her in her grobag and feed her to sleep. This seems to work pretty well - she was sleeping in 6-8 hour chunks for a few glorious weeks, but has now settled down into waking usually twice a night for feeds, which is okay.

I keep having panics that I should be trying to put her down in her cot upstairs at 7 pm, then usually someone on here reassures me that I should just go with what works for us. We tried to put her down at 8-ish yesterday, with fairly disastrous results (very unsettled all night) and tonight we tried from about 7.30 pm to 2 am to get her to go down, which was horrible for all of us. On the one hand, it seems stupid to chop and change and try a new timetable for two days and then abandon it, but on the other, this clearly isn't working.

So if I embrace the fact that late nights suit all of us, and that a baby born to night-owl parents may well be a night-owl too, and that none of us need to get up in the morning yet (DH currently not working) so I shouldn't worry - when do I need to start putting her to bed at a reasonable time and how on earth do I do it?

Thank you for listening to my late night rambles ...

Hiya, I'm here too, I put dd3 (9weeks old) finally down in her moses basket at 1.45 am

oops, posted message too soon.

In the last few weeks she has taken longer and longer to get tired, she started falling asleep at 11.30 pm, then midnight and for the last few nights it's been 2am!

She then sleeps through until 8am ish, feeds and then sleeps again all morning. Then she always has a long sleep again in the afternoon, we've tried to keep her awake then but nothing does.. guess we'll just have to ride it out.

You only NEED to start having a proper bedtime when they start nursery/school, and need to be up at a particular time.
That's what we did, as I was working from home as well (so no need for ME to be somewhere at a certain time each morning). So my DCs had a proper bedtime when they were 3 years old (when they started kindergarten).

Hark - my dd is 14 months. I had the same worries as you when she was 14 weeks. I used to get so stressed thinking I shouldnt be holding her, she should be going to sleep by herself, I must put her down etc etc. She was awake till till 11pm at least every night and wouldnt be left upstairs

Once I stopped worrying and let dd lead the way she started to show me what it was she wanted. I fed her when she needed and let her rest when she wanted. The fisrt time I relaxed she slept in her moses basket downstairs with us at 10pm. So from that night on I laid her down and she slept at 10pm, but then she started getting upset earlier and earlier so it eventually went to 7pm and she went upatairs a copuple of weeks later with no problems.

Since about5/6 months she has slept though upstairs with no problems. I guess the trick, IMO, is to just do what works for you and let your baby lead. If you stop stressing and worrying then so will your baby.

I'm a night owl to BTW, very glad dd isnt

Hi, we did the same as you. Kept DS with us until we went to bed (we co-sleep). He's now almost 11 months old and we've drifted into a sort of routine where he has a bath some time between 7 and 8 pm, and then if we're upstairs and not doing much I put him to bed in our bed (surrounded by pillows and bedrail of course), or if we're going to watch the telly downstairs, we take him with us and he's usually out for the count by 8:30, 9 ish. Some nights, he gets a second wind after his bath and is up a bit longer, which is ok unless I want to sleep . He's found his rhythm which is that once he wakes up in the morning he's good for about two hours and then needs a nap, and one in the afternoon.
Don't stress about having/ not having a routine. Don't let anyone stress you about it!! Be guided by your baby and by what feels good for you and you'll be fine. If it's working for you, that's great, and congratulations on your l.o.!

Thank you so much for the replies - I feel a lot better. I am generally fine about not having a routine, but know we would have to go to bed and get up at a reasonable time eventually and was worrying about how to transition between the two. I guess I'll just wait until she starts school and will need to be up (though we do struggle to get to mum and baby stuff that involves us being up, dressed and across town at 10 am!).

browny sorry I didn't see your posts last night. Firstly I didn't think anyone else would be up, so logged off soon afterwards. Secondly, moments after I posted, DH came in and kissed our soundly sleeping DD on the forehead and woke her up Finally got her back to sleep some time near 3 am, but on the plus side she then slept until 8.30 (when I had to wake her up because I thought my boobs would explode!). Hopefully tonight won't find either of us up quite so late!