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Sleep

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Original poster

What am I doing wrong? Please help me get some time to myself in the evening! (3 year old)

24 replies

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 12:46

Dd used to be a good sleeper as a baby (during the night) but never did much daytime sleeping but thats fine.

however the last 12 months have been a nightmare. She goes to bed at 6.30pm (tried later and earlier) and by that time is knackered and screaming and usually trying to scratch me. Put pj's on and brush her teeth wash her face or bath (every other day) and we (me or DH) read her 2 stories. By that time she is acting like she is on drugs, bouncing all over the place and not sitting still. Stories over, we tell her bed time now and she will clamp onto me and say mama stay with me, explain that it is bedtime and mummy needs to do get things ready for tomorrow but she can read a book by herself, usually get a sulky I cannot read.

Ok fine, she then jumps about in the bed, play with toys, goes to the toilet about 5 times and says all the time I cannot sleep. Usualy she will fall asleep between 8-9pm

Now the only thing that 'works ' is that I stand behind her door and spy on her. Asa she comes out of bed I put her back in (avoiding eye contact or talking to her)and this can go on for 50 times an evening. Obv toys are being taking away.

I was wondering if anybody has any tips or good book suggestions as am getting really frustrated with it all (and she feeds on that making it worse)

BTW today started a reward chart (again) andif the princess makes it to the castle she get a playdough set (bribing I know but I crave a bit of me time)

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nappyaddict · 19/12/2008 12:48

If you put her to bed at say 7:30 does she fall asleep even later than 8-9pm?

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 12:51

Marginally later but she is climbing the walls before she goes to bed and only screams like a banshee which is unsettling for us all, especially DS who is 5. He goes to bed at 7pm and is usually a sleep by 7.30

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mrsgboring · 19/12/2008 12:58

Do you actually stay with her ever? I'm wondering if you say you will stay, but impose the condition she lies down in her bed in the dark it might help her to go to sleep faster and be less work in the long run, as well as being a healthier approach to sleep than allowing her to rush about then crash with exhaustion.

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 13:31

No I have never stayed with her till she falls asleep as dont want to make this a habit IYSIM. Also both DD/DS's lights stay on at night. DD completely freaks out when the lights are turned down or off.

Just done the schoolrun and mentioned to her that when I was little i had a night light and she seemed interested in that so might go and get her on of those as I agree it would be much better for both of them to sleep in a dark room.

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nappyaddict · 19/12/2008 13:32

Have you looked at her diet? Is she having any sugary things, chocolate, caffeine, things with sweeteners, additives, colourings etc especially in the hours running up to bedtime? I ask because these things really affect my cousin. When he had those things cut out from his diet he became a much calmer little boy.

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 13:46

Thanks Nappy, yes we did and she is a very fussy eater and luckily for us only eats healthy stuff, her main foods she eats are: houmous, olives, carrots, fruit & dried fruit,rice, cheese and seeds. She only drinks water or milk during the day and has fruit juice diluted with water in the morning.

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ClareVoiant · 19/12/2008 13:59

it sounds like ds when he goes to bed too late. if he stays up later than when he is ready to sleep (iyswim) then he will get a second wind. it sounds from your op that your dd is ready to go to bed earlier. can you try to do the bath and bed/stories before she starts the bansheeing? if she's 'knackered and screaming' at 6.30,then it sounds like youve missed your window for stories etc. ds went through a phase of not being able to be left at bedtime,but he's ok now.
maybe you could try moving it all forward an hour. tea at 4pm, bath and bed routine starting at 5.30pm? a trick i use is always read the last story twice,once with pictures and again only when ds is cosy, lying down with his eyes shut. invariably, he is now asleep before the end of the second time around.
hth

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 14:07

thank you ClareVoint- we tried that and failed as she gets very upset she has to go to bed much earlier then DS. it seems she is tired quite a lot of the time but just resists going to sleep. On the way back from school she said she is scared of monsters who come in the morning. explained to her there are no monsters but i remember my mum used to say that and I never believed her

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nappyaddict · 19/12/2008 14:29

Could you put DS to bed at 6:30 and her to bed at 6?

BlueSapphire77 · 19/12/2008 14:31

Nothing wrong with a bit of bribery lol
Does she have a night light? Erm, embarrassing i know but my son is 11 and he still has one, can not sleep in a dark room poor kid

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 14:45

yes I am going to try that 6 and 6.30 and also get some night lights (hopefully they do a princess/babrbie one!)
Sapphire - i used to have one for a very long time but used it sneakily to read books till late , read many of the famous five with my nightlight

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Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 16:46

night lights is not going to work as sockets are behind furniture... Plan B is to dim her bedroom light gradually (Dh thinks she wont notice but I bet she does)

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nappyaddict · 19/12/2008 16:49

get a battery powered one.

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 16:50

THANK YOU Nappy! Going to order one, shame it is a 2-3 week delivery time but she will be very pleased with that!

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nappyaddict · 19/12/2008 16:52

is this one any less

FairyLightsForever · 19/12/2008 17:01

Maybe try doing a routine monster check before bed- under bed in cupboard to reassure her that there are none there.
Also, you would be better to sit with her for half an hour while she dozes off than spending a couple of hours back and forth trying to make her stay in bed.

Elizabeth Pantley's 'No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers and pre-schoolers' may help, it has various ideas for settling small children and also explains some of the psychology behind sleep problems. (I think the checking for monsters idea may be one of hers).
Good Luck

thatsnotmymonster · 19/12/2008 17:10

When my 3yo plays up like that he gets told very strictly to go to bed and be quiet otherwise it's time out/naughty step. He shares his room with his 2 little sisters so we can't have any messing. They will try anything to prolong bedtime. I would put a potty in her room and once she has been to the toilet once tell her she can use that if she needs again.

How about trying a quiet time in the middle of the day- just after lunch- where she has to spend time resting and relaxing. In her room reading, watching a DVD or drawing etc. This is to give her time to recharge her batteries and to give you some time as well. If she is really tired she might fall asleep and have a short nap at this time.

ches · 19/12/2008 17:45

It sounds like over-tiredness to me. Does she nap during the day? If she won't nap, an hour's quiet time on the bed alone with a book could help. I would shorten the bedtime routine, too. She can have stories before bath or when she wakes up instead.

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 18:05

thank you for all the ideas, all things I hadnt considered as we seem really stuck in a rut.

She wont sleep during the day (hasnt done so since she was 20 months)and will re enforce the quiet time during the day although unfortunately she goes to school from 13.00-15.15 so difficult timing again. Might ask if she can go to the morning group instead.

Will do the monster check as off tomorrow and look in Borders tomorrow for the No Cry Sleep solution. Today she was so knackered all day so she was in bed at 17.25 and very sleepy as soon as I explained time to sleep now and if you are a good girl you go ahead one point on the chart she said yes mummy. And then she just went mad again, bouncing on the bed, trying to get to toys etc..

Turned down her light (dimmer)slightly everytime she did it and after a while she was so upset but realised I was serious and made herself comfortable and went alseep! only took 25 minutes this time (BTW I stayed inthe room but no eye contact and talking)

Also think the stories before bath is worth trying!

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BlueSapphire77 · 19/12/2008 21:11

Maybe a torch?

God i had a book 501 ways to be a good parent and it had some ace ideas in for stuff like this but i lent it to sis in law and she's bloody lost it.

Erm, one thing i DID learn is NOT to do a monster check although it would seem a great idea for someone with common sense lol... unfortunately it reinforces the idea because it proves that maybe you believe in them too

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 19/12/2008 22:01

thanks Sapphire, good point actually also might be turning into a stretching bedtime game and she'll wake up again! Tonight we did some pottering about in the garden in the dark and she was a bit scared too. Might take her for a few short walk in the dark so she can get used to it and see there are no monsters (makes mental note to make sure MIL is not doing her walks as that time and undermine my theory]

Think torch is again something to entertain her and she must get used to that bed time means sleeping IYSWIM

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lizziebeth · 20/12/2008 18:26

Just wondering, what time does she wake up in the morning?

BlueSapphire77 · 20/12/2008 20:30

Hi yeah the torch thing is something i pulled a face at but it did work for me, all kids are diff tho..it was in that book by michelle elliot (kidscape woman and child psychologist) and i found this book invaluable.
Till stoopid sis in law lost it... gutted ...
Wasn't knocking the idea of a monster check, after all, it would seem like a good and sound common sense idea, i had a friend that did a nightly ritual 'monster poem' thing but like i say, all kids differ on this.
Then you have all the reward chart stuff, then the 'walk in, no sound, put child down, blah blah' however, when i was babysitting for my sister recently, i fell into the trap of getting so frustrated, i took the baby to bed with me haha cardinal sin!!
Kids..who on earth would have em? lol

Original poster

VinoEsmeralda · 20/12/2008 20:33

She normally wakes up between 7-7.30am.

This morning she woke up at 6.30am but has been a lot better today (no screaming/banshee behaviour). Normally on a Saturday they can watch the Funniest Home videos but she asked if she could have stories instead, so we did. Explained she could read books but not come out of her bed unless she needed the toilet. and she did it! Was asleep within 15 minutes!

Also she picked a 'plant' at Homebase today, looks like tights stuffed with sort of pellets and seeds at the top (will be the hair), face with googley eyes on the front and she says he will keep monsters away. Explained monster dont excist but he will make sure she is safe which seemed to comfort her.

Am SO proud of her!

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