Can anyone advise me re my partners night time "episodes? It's becoming a huge problem.

[Idrankthechristmasspirits]

Hi,

my partner has always been a little mobile in his sleep. He quite often ends up diagonal across the bed etc.
It's got a lot worse now though, over the last year his snoring has got quite bad. Also he is physically hurting me when he is asleep.
It started with him just whipping the pillow out from under my head and rolling over on top of me pinning me under him.
For a few months now he has occasionally hit me, kicked me and elbowed me in his sleep.
Last night he was shouting obscenities at me in his sleep after elbowing and kicking again.
I lost my temper, shouted back at him and went to sleep with Dd.

He has no recollection of any of this in the mornings, leaving me really cross and tired. He thinks i am just being grumpy.

I'm going to film him in his sleep to show him what he actually does but do any of you have any experience of this or any suggestions?

It's causing a huge problem as we have had a rocky year, he has drink issues which he is working on now and is in general trying to get things back on track. This night time stuff is really becoming a stumbling block though.

TIA.

I believe this is a recognised sleep disorder but can't remember what it is called. Think you need your GP to ask for a referral to a specialist.

Bugger. I thought it might need something like that.
I really don't want to have to resort to separate beds, i think we need the closeness at the moment.

does this help?

He needs to see a sleep specialist. Sleep disorders are a real pita for the partner of the sufferer (my DH has severe sleep apnoea and really really badly snored and fidgeted until I finally made him ask to see the GP - he now has a CPAP machine at night, and sleeps silently and still), so go along and emphasise what an effect it has on you. Video and record his snoring/movements as it helps show the problem fully.

Yes, sleep specialist. That's what I thought too. They'll find out what causes it and might be able to give sollutions.
Hope you'll get some decent sleep soon.

DH occassionally gets verbally abusive in his sleep. The first time it terrified me and I went and got in the spare bed. He was confused and mortified in the morning - with no recollection whatever.

It probably only happens a few times a year and I have learnt not to react, just to say calmy suggest he rolls over and goes 'back to sleep'. Seems to work. DH can always guess when this has happened even if I don't tell him as I'm withdrawn in the morning. We've also noticed that the trigger is mega-over-tiredness or stress.

No advice I'm afraid, but lots of sympathy - I know how much the verbal side of it can hurt, even though you know it is not intentional or even how your DH really feels.

I second the others on suggesting a trip to the doctor. Neither of you can carry on like this.

OMG! that link has been written about my partner!

Thankyou! I've just emailed the page to him. He honestly thinks i'm making it up.
Whats CPAP?

Ladies you are all amazing. x x

If I try to talk to him or argue back it just makes things worse.

lol! I'm on the phone to him now, he is denying all knowledge but has got the hump because i woke him up shouting at him.

I am telling him now he knows how i feel!

YY, arguing back definitley makes it worse. The trouble is, if you're half asleep yourself you don't realise he is asleep until you're rowing.

Book the doctors appointment and if he won't go, you go and talk to the doctor.

I'm lucky, DH is rarely like this and never physical with it. Plus, he has major guilts about it and is extremely embarrassed. If it got physical - he'd be straight to the doctors.

I know that. I've had to teach myself to stop and really listen to him. His eyes are often open and he looks awake but isn't - freaky.

CPAP is Continuous Positive Airways Pressure - basically this machine blows air up his nose so that his airways stay open and don't collapse shut.

when I read the begining of your post, I thought 'does he drink' I notice at the bottom you put that he 'has drink issues'.. Do you think the two could be related??
what is he like when he's not had a drink?

My H snores like crazy when he's been drinking (every weekend) when I went to move him he was verbally abusive, again he didn't remember a thing in the morning, which is really no excuse, just because they can't remember doesn't mean it doesn't matter!

Video him snoring.. that will shock him... my H was horrified.. mind you didn't stop him though!

good luck

Does he play computer games?
Friends DH was a gamer and went through a stage of grabbing her from behind with his arm around her throat shouting "You're my human shield". In his sleep obviously, not the middle of the high st or anything!

Have just roffled at Advent!

rummum - it is exacerbated when he drinks but he still does it when he hasn't had a drink as well. Last night he had had a few cans of lager so was a bit worse than usual.
But tbh, he has slapped me around the face before in his sleep when he has only been drinking soft drinks.

Ah, so CPAP might not be a solution for dp then as i don't think he has sleep apnoea?

It's really hard to tell what might be the cause of this. I was just telling DH about your DH, and he says that on the Sleep Apnoea forums there are quite a few people who exhibit disordered REM sleep (basically where you are acting out part of your dream as the sleep has been disturbed) when their OSA was untreated - and several do the shouting/flailing/abusive thing.

But the only thing that will tell is an overnight sleep study where they can monitor him and see what is going on