Toddler Bedtime Delaying Tactics

[theSuburbanDryad]

Ds has started to get far too clever about his delaying tactics for my liking - first of all he would just run around the living room looking cute, then he would ask for water or "duddles" (I hardened my heart to both ) but now he has taken to throwing his snuggly comfort toy (a small cuddly rat named Bunge - don't ask) out of bed, so I have to go and get it, or allow him to get it. He won't sleep without Bunge.

So last night he got a "3 strikes and you're out" policy - Bunge got retrieved 3 times and then after that was taken out of the room, and ds sobbed himself to sleep without his Bunge. When he was asleep I sneaked back in and put Bunge in bed with him.

Was I too harsh? I worry what the next escalation is going to be. Why won't he just go to sleep without all this trauma??!

Nope - DS does this too with Mr Bat. And "my music is on too loud" "my music is too quiet" "my music has stopped".......
We eventually got one those wee LED lights and stuck it above his bed so he could 'be a big boy and read or draw and go to sleep when he is tired'. 9 times out of 10 he's asleep within 10-20 minutes of going to bed

Or we take Mr Bat away and say 'Mr Bat is very sad. He is very tired and you are being naughty so he can't go to sleep. Mr Bat is not your friend' (and feel like utter b*stards when DS cries and snuggles down saying 'Look Mr Bat I'm being good'. He's an expert at the guilt trip

Ds is too little for that still. He'll be 2 in January - if we gave him all his books in bed he's just lob them at me demanding, "READ IT!" and then wail when I took them away.

i would just leave him to it tbh. he'll soon get tired of getting out of bed to retrieve him.

DD (2.2yo) is the same. She's just started potty training, so knows that saying she needs a wee or poo will delay bedtime.

She has also developed a habit of shouting at her horsey (cuddly toy) that he's being naughty and needs to snuggle down and go to sleep. Very cute, but annoying when I have to go and tell her to be quiet and go to sleep.

At the moment I stay with him till he falls asleep. When we get his room properly sorted (we've just moved house) I'll start doing rapid return in earnest in a vague attempt to get his sleeping sorted.

My problem with just leaving him to get on with it is that he'll throw Bunge out of bed, then shout for him, then cry if I don't get it. If I let him get it, he carries on and on and on and on, even if I'm just ignoring it.

Tis very annoying. I wish Bunge would just fuck off.

poor Bunge

I think you did exactly right. Three strikes, and the Bunge gets it!

It gives him a very clear and firm boundary.

It's natural for them not to want the day to end - they have a lovely day with adoring mum and dad and of course they don't want bed...so it is well worth being strong about it. Well done I say!

It's not poor Bunge's fault. He's the one being thrown about!

It's when he gets overtired and I try and give him Bunge back and he starts having a massive strop, "NO Bunge!!!! No Bunge...NO blanket NO bed NO mama!" while sobbing hysterically.

He went to sleep last night with hardened snot sticking his face to the mattress.

We have this with the dummy. Or do-ee as dd calls it. She knows that by giving her the do-ee back I am trying to get her to sleep, so she starts shouting, 'No do-ee!! No Do-ee!!' And then you're a bit stuck because what can you comfort them with? She even refuses cuddles by that point. In her mind, the only acceptable solution is to come into my room and climb all over me for two hours and then possibly fall asleep later on, time to be determined by her.

Then I think hand him back that last time and go out of the room. If he desperately wants you back then he must quiet down.

If he's at a stage where he's unable to be reasonable then I would look at whether you can put him in bed half an hour or an hour earlier? Stop him getting to that overtired stage?

at hardened snot! Very familiar.

I think they go through cycles - Ds is 4 now and currently not too much bother but at aged 2 and then again at 3.5 we had the whole gauntlet of crap excuses - too hot, too cold, not tired, need a poo, need a nappy change, want Rabbit (Bunge equivalent) don't want Rabbit, Rabbit is distracting me by talking to me, it's too light, it's too dark, I've got too many thoughts, my brain has stopped working....... etc. etc.

We tried everything, and the things that were most effective were a) clear statement of intent to withdraw next days CBeebies if further transgressions, followed up on religiously or b) statement 'it's bedtime now and next time I have to come in I will not be talking to you but I will just keep putting you back to bed without saying anything'. Is that rapid return? Sometimes we had to do that 20 or 30 times and I became convinced that Supernanny were secretly filming an out-takes programme in our house, but after 3 or 4 nights it worked.

We took Rabbit out of the equation, as he really needed (needs!) him to settle.

Good luck! You may look back on all this and laugh. He sounds pretty clever, your DS, although that is scant comfort when your evening is being eroded......

LOL @ "brain stopped working".

I have shouted at him in frustration, "What do you WANT then?" before and the clear answer of, "Biscuit," has made me chuckle.

I'm sure I will look back at this and laugh, but for now I just wish he'd farkin sleep!!!

LOL @ 'Biscuit'

I did actually shout at him 'Your brain has stopped working because it needs energy and the only way to get energy is to go to sleep - NOW!' - and then he informed me that he doesn't need sleep for energy because he has batteries. Which are rechargeable.

This is why we harden our hearts and don't engage with them - because they are too clever for us.

Conversely, we often get
"Will you turn that TV/music/phone down mummy and daddy. I'm trying to get to sleep here!"

Outwitted by a toddler. Who'd've thought it!?

I hate love the fact that whenever I (inevitably) give in to dd, she immediately stops crying and gives me a really smug grin.

Grrr.

Go to SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!