ds1 2.5yrs, won't sleep well unless at home in own bed

[insywinsyspider]

in laws live 3 hrs drive away, my parents only 30 mins and they have boys to stay once month to once every couple of months but when he is anywhere but in his own cot he won't settle without screaming and crying for at least an hour even if he's absolutely dog tired and then wakes constantly in the night - do we just have to accept if we want sleep we stay at home for the time being? is this normal or is there anything we can do to reassure him?

Have you tried taking his pillow/duvet etc from home? That way it will smell familiar.

yes we always do that, think its more that its a different place, kind of ok when on holiday as after a few nights he starts to adjust but makes visiting family terrible, i'm dreading xmas visits as really concious that he's waking everyone all night

only us then thats struggling - can anyone reassure me that this is normal?

yep definetly only us then - seems we can't have anyone staying over either as too unsettling, had in laws last night and a midnight screaming fit for an hour - he was so tired but so wound up I had to stay with him and stroke his head till he crashed out he never used to be like this he was my angel sleeper - I'm 13 wks pg and have an 11 month old, the lack of sleep over xmas might just destroy me (11 month old is hopeless sleeper!) but I can't bring myself not to see any family and friends this xmas, am I just being unfair to ds? what could be the problem.... ahh well if no one replies I might just keep posting and till I figure it out!

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! DD (2.2yrs) is the same and is a terrible sleeper in any cot/bed other than her own. When visiting family I usually ended up laying in the room with her until she fell asleep or else it would be tears for hours, and she would more often than not wake up a couple of times in the night waking the household. Our last visit was such a disaster with her being awake practically all night that I decided it was not worth going again unless we were to stay for a few nights (and as you say they get used to it) or I felt she would settle well in a bed (although how I shall determine that I don't know! I guess the only way to know is to try..).

Sorry I haven't any pearls of wisdom to help your DS (I have yet to find anything that will help DD settle in a different bed) but at least you can know that you are not the only one with the dilemma of stressful, sleep-deprived visit versus no visit!

thank you for your reply possumagic! I asked my mum for advice and she offered to have ds last night - I don't think she believed me but she was up at 3am till about 5am with ds 'shouting' (its not really crying its more wound up and angry than that) now she's not sure what the answer is either, although on the plus side she was a star and bought him 'special' bob builder pj's 'just for granny's house' and he went to sleep without any problem, they have a ready bed (blow up air bed) at their house and I'm wondering if I should start to borrow that if we go away so its always the same going away bed?? might be worth it if he's learning to settle in it ok
even co-sleeping doesn't work in night tho, he's so wriggly that I end up with knees and elbows poking into me and then when we get home he won't settle in his bed because he wants to be in mummy and daddy's bed....
ds2 has decided to sleep through though, feeling like they've just passed the baton over

looked at a couple of other posts on here about dc's 2-3yrs and maybe its a stage they go through at this age as I feel like its slowly spreading to not only other peoples houses but he's not sleeping as well at home at the moment

Do you talk him through in advance what's happening? We tell DS the day before "now we're packing for Granny & Grandpa's". I then actively involve him in choosing things to take. I talk about it lots - about the differences, and how he's a big brave boy who can sleep in his special bed at Granny's and how Granny and Grandpa love to have him stay.

I take his bedding (that's been slept in), his pillow, his teddie which are just around the bed, his normal nightlight and his favourite books for bedtime. We stick to his routine like clockwork and throughout it say in a minute we ill put you in bed, we'll be listening for you, and you can give teddy a big cuddle etc.

He's mostly ok now at my parent's where we go quite frequently - anywhere else and we just accept that the first night will be hell. We therefore put him to bed later so he is a) more tired and b) hopefully gives us a slight lie in. And DH and I split the night in half and do half each.

the bed he has is a bob the builder bed (hence my mum got matching pj's) we tell him about staying at Granny and Grandads and he always says very excitedly 'in my bob bed' he goes there regularly as I wanted him to be settled when I had ds2 so he could go at a moments notice when i was in labour - he's been staying over since he was 9 months old, but still struggles, its almost like its all too exciting. Interestingly when he wakes he never specifically calls for me or dh he just gets all aggitated and shouts about waking up and it being a sunny day
I always take over his pillow and duvet from home (he doesn't have a teddy) - don't often let him stay up late though we stick like clockwork to the 7pm bedtime routine but maybe that would help