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Original poster

OK she doesn't feed to sleep any more AND can go to sleep from being put down in her cot awake - so why isn't DD's night time sleep improving?

15 replies

Caz10 · 07/12/2008 20:45

DD is almost 1, and over the past few months I have tried really hard with putting her to bed - she now doesn't get fed to sleep (MAJOR battle/breakthrough) and finally in the past month or so doesn't rocking/patting etc except when she is bad with teeth coming in. I can now put her in her cot, and as long as I stay in the room and speak softly to her every so often, she will lie down and go to sleep.
However over night she is still waking every 2-3 hours - I thought self settling etc was meant to solve that?!!!!
She sleeps 7.30ish until 11ish in her cot and then is up and down so often I end up taking her in with me.
Is there a "next step" I am needing to move on to?

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 07/12/2008 22:36

the next step is you being out the room and not speaking to her so she is alone when she goes to sleep. If she needs your presence to go to sleep then she is not self settling.

ches · 08/12/2008 03:27

Ah the secret's out: babies just wake up at night! It's perfectly normal and nothing you can do about it. All sorts of development makes them Really Awake when they stir in their sleep, and your DD is probably working on walking or starting to communicate or teething or who knows what.

Original poster
Caz10 · 08/12/2008 19:59

Hee all of the above at once I think ches!

seona I thought that might be it - pop her in and then leave - she freaked when I tried it before but she seems a bit more used to the self settling now so will give it anothe go

thanks!

OP posts:
mamadoc · 08/12/2008 22:34

I'm afraid I'm with ches on this one. Had exactly the same: Weaned DD off bf to sleep and gradually withdrew from rocking etc but she still woke just the same. She started sleeping through at 16mo same time as she walked both with no intervention from us.
She still needs us to be there when falling asleep (5mins holding her hand) and therefore can't officially self settle but she now sleeps all night.
I now think self settling, sleep cues etc is largely a myth or at least not a magic solution and they'll sleep when they're good and ready.

ches · 09/12/2008 05:27

Caz she's still at quite a classic separation anxiety age (which probably caused the melt-down last time).

Original poster
Caz10 · 09/12/2008 21:14

Yes, I notice that when I go to sneak out she pops up to look at me, then settles down immediately when she sees I'm still there.

I'm not in any major rush to "sleep train" her - don't particularly agree with that but getting a bit of pressure from family etc who think she "should" be sleeping...I think as mamadoc says they just do it when they are good and ready.

Just very tired....

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 09/12/2008 21:19

ds2 was like this. even when he stopped feeding to sleep, and was happy with dummy and a pat on the back to get back to sleep he was still waking up.
it has gradually improved though and for the last couple of nights we have had ONE night waking, where we literally pop dummy in and cover him up again and then one feed at 5.30/6ish in the morning.

she'll get there eventually
actually, I did suddenly discover that ds2 could go to sleep without me in the room when he did it when I needed to go and sort ds1 out who was on the toilet. I hadn't tried because I didn't think he'd like it

claireybaubles · 09/12/2008 21:23

Ha! That old myth!

Caz DD self settled from 8 weeks and still woke at night until she was 2, I honestly do not believe that self settling and night wakings are related no matter what the books say.

DS sometimes self settles, sometimes not but it makes sod all difference to how well he sleeps (or doesn't I should say).

I do agree with Seona though that the next step is just popping in cot and walking away, if only because it gives you so much more time to yourself!

Original poster
Caz10 · 10/12/2008 22:38

Yes I am starting to realise I've been duped by the sleep experts!!!

I'm so pleased that we have gotten to this stage even, as the nightly battles were getting so wearing - I lie down on the bed next to her cot, have a little relax and she goes off to sleep - after a year of bedtime screamning it is bliss! But do then feel very stupid having to sneak out passed her - will attempt the popping in and walking off soon when I am feeling braver!

She went down at 7.45 and has been asleep since then, but I hear heavy breathing on the monitor which is normally a sign that the 1st wake up of the night is approaching....

OP posts:
Original poster
Caz10 · 10/12/2008 22:38

Yes I am starting to realise I've been duped by the sleep experts!!!

I'm so pleased that we have gotten to this stage even, as the nightly battles were getting so wearing - I lie down on the bed next to her cot, have a little relax and she goes off to sleep - after a year of bedtime screamning it is bliss! But do then feel very stupid having to sneak out passed her - will attempt the popping in and walking off soon when I am feeling braver!

She went down at 7.45 and has been asleep since then, but I hear heavy breathing on the monitor which is normally a sign that the 1st wake up of the night is approaching....

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 10/12/2008 22:50

Caz I'm afraid I'm going to agree with everyone else that babies just wake up in the night. My Ds only started sleeping through at 18months.

He was the same and was able to self settle from an early age so it always baffled me that he woke so much.

I would try leaving her in the room on her own to go to sleep.

Sometimes if my ds wakes up we shush him through the baby monitor or outside the door and it seems that just knowing we are around is enough to reassure him back to sleep.

nappyaddict · 12/12/2008 13:41

does she wake for a feed or just wake for the sake of it?

LittleMissMac · 14/12/2008 21:28

Wow. I'm so pleased to have read that self-settling isn't necessarily the answer. DS at 15mo is still an utterly dire sleeper, generally due to everlasting teething, the occasional cold, and just being crap at sleeping. We're on our knees with exhaustion, yet again, and I was thinking I'd have to face up to getting him to self-settle.

Frankly, I'd rather let nature take its course. If we went through the pain of teaching him to self-settle, only for it not to work through the night, I think it might be divorce time (the sleeplessness is a HUGE relationship problem.)

nappyaddict · 14/12/2008 23:18

LMM - what is your situation?

ladymoo · 15/12/2008 11:59

LMM - your ds sounds very similar to ours - teething/colds etc just knock him for six every time - can I just ask how often you gave him something for it? Calpol/medised etc? thanks

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