please can anyone advise, or at least listen.......or at least reassure me that this too will pass!

[violeteyes]

i am sitting downstairs in such confusion. my dd is 20 weeks, exclusively breastfed. just now she is upstairs in her amby hammock-put down for first nap.

she is clean, warm, fed, winded, shown all signs of ready for sleep. has her comfort toy, music show on, usual routine followed etc. when she first went down she became distressed, so i gave her an additional feed which she enjoyed!

have sat with her, bounced the hammock.
she is not asleep-not exactly distressed either. a minute chatter, then a minute crying, then a minute silent.......

what do i do?
she is tired and does need a nap-will have sad day if not
she mostly co-sleeps at night but is waking every hour or so, usually for feed, but sometimes for brief chat. last night really bad, some wind issues probably from snacking.

i am exhausted. confused, demoralised. my husband is really fed up.i have a ds, 2.3yrs so usually can't sit with her for ages/co-sleep morning naps etc.
she will sleep in sling after all the same fight-but i am too tired to wear her all day if up all night, and if in sling and i am playing with toddler then she is woken by being upside down if i crawl around lean over etc-doesn't seem to sleep as well in sling

please help-something has to give. i want to be well rested. i want her feel secure. i want some rest!

i have been in to her, bounced the hammock again. another feed-very short but produced a lovely big grin-and a burp. have had to come back down.
i don't want ti leave her crying-it used to be that she needed a precise 4 min shout brfore every sleep on her own-if i was there she just woke up after i went and did it, so do sometimes leave 5 mins to see if that happens. sometimes yes, sometimes no. today seems no. she is really rubbing her eyes. not ill. sounds overtired.

i can't take anymore.
my son is out at granma this am so can focus on dd. normally, this would be upsetting him.

please, anyone?

You have all my sympathy, I've been in that fog of sleeplessness and it is not nice. Things people suggested never seemed to work. My DS wanted to feed all night and woke every 45mins. Only stopped when we moved him into next room around 6mth. Wanted to cosleep but needed to sleep more.Does music help? Really hard juggling needs of two, remember you have to go easy on yourself and recognise when the lack of sleep is affecting you. Is there anyone who can come and take baby out for a little while? Or take them both for a few hours? Not a solution but might make it a bit better for you. Good luck

Just seen your other post. You need to try and sleep. Either with dd or in another room. If she is tired and nothing wrong she will eventually sleep

IMO

bring her down with you, let her feed, sleep on you whenever, wherever.
enjoy her, smell her, be with her, allow your ds to feel the same
et a sling, ignore routines, feel what she wants, stop thinking you'll 'spoil' her
stop leaving her to cry at all
stop assuming that she isn't lonely, sore, bored etc
she NEEDS you and cuddles and you to be intuitive just as much as she needs milk and sleep
take the pressure off yourself
good luck

Could Granma take them both out for an hour when she brings DS home? It could be that DD is going through a growth spurt and needing more from you. The extra feeds are just to bring on more milk I think. Both mine did this about 5 months. I persevered until 5 1/2 months when I started to gently wean DD, keeping DS on the breast (DD was staring and grabbing at food constantly and became much happier). Of course this might just be a blip which is coinciding with you being shattered and so feels much worse than it is. I know if they won't go down within 10 mins and I'm tired then it's the end of the world! I have been know to weep on the bathroom floor with the door shut before now.
I sounds as if you normally have a lovely time and are a great mum, coping with two of different ages and needs must be hard.
Big mug of tea and mince pie on its way...

thank you. have got her up-she is lying happily on her mat having nappy off time in front of fire and i have stopped crying too.

i don't leave her alone to cry-but don't know how to differentiate between i need you cry and am going to sleep now cry, which she does whatever i do ie holding her, sling, pram, car etc. used to find any intervention just prolonged or postponed the precise 4 mins. i am not doing cc-am trying to respond to my baby. but surely she needs to sleep? she looks shattered.

i feel so desperate. sudden crashing loss of confidence.

i just wanted to send you a huge hug and although I have no advice on this to offer, remember from other people's posts on other subjects that things DO get better, things DO change and you are a FAB mother!!!! x

My ds is 25 weeks and we were having the same problem until I realised that I was reacting to every single sound he made, which is all too easy to do. He is down for a nap in his cot now which is miraculous as until about 2 weeks ago he would literally only settle in my arms. He sleeps so much better in his cot, has a small grizzle at first for about 2 minutes but then is sound asleep. I also co sleep and carry him in a sling, but to the extent you're doing it no wonder you're tired! Is she maybe too bigfor the nest? I lusted after these when I was pg but I'm glad I didn't get one as ds is just so big he'd be out of it by now. Ds also seems to sleep better on his front. I will always put him down on his back but without fail he turns over. He has been snuffly for the last week or so and I think it is actually easier for him to breathe when he's curled up on his front, bum in the air

Hi,

First of all, you have my sympathy... I too have a little boy (he's 17 weeks) & he sleeps very badly at night, so I do understand very well what it means to need your rest!! DS co-sleeps with us, but we try to bring him into our bed late- around 3-4 am- when we can't stand the constant back & forths to his own room anymore! That way he's more & more used to his own room/cot & gradually we're seeing tiny changes in his sleep pattern. Hopefully anytime soon he'll be more able to be completely in his own room...

I disagree with what some of the others have said (e.g. trinity)- I think enjoying your baby & making her feel secure does NOT have to mean you're tied to her all day long. Your baby feeling secure has to do with your general love & consistency as a mother, and you're doing that brilliantly, it seems! Babies definitely need loads of cuddles... but they also need a bit of space & time to be on their own too, & to learn- or to START learning- about self settling.

Anyway, what I've been doing is more or less what you describe. I.e. I never leave him to cry (they're far too young for that, IMO, IF they're ever old enough for it...) The times when she's not in a mood to sleep, just take her out of her amby & play with her for a bit. However, I would advise persisting on a naptime routine, which really is all that you're doing- comfort toy etc... and perhaps doing that too for her first sleep at night, & then maybe taking her to your bed to co-sleep later? That way she'll gradually be more used to her own amby as a good place to sleep, & not associate only your bed with sleeping.

Good luck! It must be so hard with 2 young children... Lots & lots of hugs!