Please help... am exhausted from lack of sleep! 4 month old addicted to dummy!

[Maria2007]

Hi everyone,

I've written here before & have always got good advice... but things have gone from bad to worse, so I thought I'd write again. Please please please give me suggestions or ideas, if you have them, because I don't think I can go much longer with so little sleep!

OK, so our boy is 17 weeks (almost 4 months) & has become completely addicted to his dummy! Every time it falls from his mouth, we have to 'replug' it, & this goes on all night. He's always been a light sleeper, although he settles very easily... but then he starts waking, perhaps because of the dummy, or perhaps just because he's a light sleeper, not sure...but definitely the dummy doesn't help at all. I feel he can't go past one sleep cycle (around 40 mins) without having us to go in & replug his dummy, and often it's more often than that. This is ok from 7-11, but after that- especially now that we've moved him to his own room- it's a nightmare. I, or DP, have to keep trekking back & forth to his room in order to replug the dummy, & every single night he ends up in our bed between us around 2-3 am, just because that way we can get some sleep. In our bed he's usually much calmer, and am not sure if that's just because it seems that way to us- given that we can replug the dummy almost in our sleep- or that he's genuinely sleeping better there.

So, the point is that so far he can't self soothe back to sleep, that's become obvious. Some other info- he is solely BF up till now, has two feeds per night (around 11 & around 4 am, & the rest of the time just wakes for the dummy.

Some questions:

1. given that we're very very reluctant to do controlled crying or something like that- since he's so young- what other choices do we have?

2. at what age do babies (if they do) learn to replug the dummy themselves?

3. Has anyone tried the 'gentle removal plan' suggested by Elizabeth Pantley in no cry sleep solution? I did try it half-heartedly for a few days, & it didn't work, my baby seems just too dependent on his dummy!

4. If we do choose to take the dummy away cold-turkey at some point, when would you suggest we do this? And how can I deal with the fact that I simply cannot bear to have him be in hysterics for 3-4 days? (or however long it takes).

5. Finally... I'm worried that by bringing him to our bed every night we're perpetuating something which we want to see ending, i.e. him in our bed. We really need our space, its become difficult to co-sleep, since we don't have a big bed, & since he's a light sleeper & we have to tiptoe around him all the time... & so after 4 months of co-sleeping we moved him to his room 10 days ago, which has been great, apart from the dummy, which as I said means he ends up in our bed each night!

I feel so sorry for him, he's only a tiny thing, just about 4 months old, & loves his dummy so much... I hate the idea of taking it from him, but what else can I do?! Any ideas?

No advice, I could have written this myself, so am making sure this is on my threads.

DS is 21 weeks tomorrow. I tried the gentle removal plan too, but I feel so mean doing it - he looks at me wondering why I'm taking it off him, only to give him it back when he yells. I'm cross with myself for using a dummy when it was the 'easy solution' a few months ago - he used to only wake 2-3 times at night and then go back to sleep. I feel like I have screwed up his ability to self settle with the damn dummy!

Bump.... anyone?

Hi there, I weaned my DD of her dummy when she was 13 weeks for the same reasons you describe. I would suggest taking the plunge... It really made a huge improvement within the first day! I started with her morning nap and by the evening she didn't wake for it. It is doable but you may find it harder as he is that bit older.

You need to help him to learn to self settle. I don't believe 4 months is too young to do this. I think at 3 months they can, my DD did and her sleep has benefited massively.

My advise is to start on tyhe morning nap so you are not sleep deprived and you have a couple of practises before the evening. Settle him as much as you can without the dummy, make sure he has a really full belly and is definitely tired then just hold him and sing a lullaby until his eyes are droopy before putting him down. If/when he starts crying pick him up and sing to him and put him back down as soon as he's stopped crying... After a few of these he should give up and self settle... Hopefully he'll find his fingers!

At the next nap I'd say you could leave the room once you've put him down and wait a couple of minutes (no more don't worry) before going back in... This is just to give him the opportunity to self settle. Once he's done it once it should get easier and easier.

Good luck with it

Hi becky,

Or hello again, I should say. It seems we keep bumping into each other in these threads, always about the dummy issue

I'm still so scared to take the plunge... It does seem that DS really loves his dummy, so I question whether it would just take 1-2 days to wean him off it Also, I wonder whether it would be worth sleeping with him for the few days when we're weaning him off it, because he seems to not care so much about his dummy when he's in our bed. Or would that be substituting one problem for another? But he's sleeping in our bed anyway each night (after 2-3) due to the fact that it's unbearable in the winter to keep going back & forth to the nursery for replugging...

How long did it take you all in all to get rid of the dummy completely? How many days of crying, I mean?

Hi again!

I'd say do whatever you have to to get him to learn to self settle so if that means co-sleeping then yeah do that. Once he can self settle you and he will feel sooooooo much better.

What is his cot like? Do you think he likes it in there? Is the room dark?

Why not try it for just one morning nap and see how it goes? You don't have to go cold turkey, if it's too much then at the next nap give it to him. I dont think at this age they will cause you more problems in the long run.

My DD literally didn't need the dummy the night of the same day I ditch the dummy. She'd always gone down without it in the evening (with a boob feed) though so she just didn't wake for her dummy. She found her fingers during the first nap so from then on it was easier.

He will still have a little whinge when you put him down sometimes but it never lasts longer than a few minutes.

Hi again becky

Yes I think he likes his cot & his room. He goes down for naps & for bedtime there very easily, is asleep within 5 mins usually. The room is relatively dark, but some light comes in through the blinds.

The thing is, in order for him to go to sleep, he DOES definitely need the dummy in his mouth. He breastfeeds before bedtime, and then it's dummy in mouth, a little favourite blanket in hand, & off he goes in his cot. Asleep as I said within minutes. I tried yesterday to give the little blanket first & dummy second, and he immediately cried out, so he can't even be without his dummy for seconds, let alone minutes

Oh dear. Like I say I got DD off hers at 13 weeks and I've read that from 12 weeks they start forming their attachments and habits so I'm not surprised that things are quite a lot different for you.

I really don't know when they are able to put dummies back in themselves, I think my DD could do it now (24 weeks) but probably not if the half asleep state that you want them to do it in!

Hi Maria and Hi Becky! Becky and I are the dummy ditching experts

My friend just got rid of her baby's dummy the other day and she slept through the night! (13wks) -not sure what has happened since Fridy as I have not spoken to her.

I agree with everything Becky says.

We ditched DD's at 16 wks cold turkey and it took 3 days. Seriously, we were all addicted to it. I even had all the accessories (dummy bag, dummy steriliser).

If you don't want to leave him to cry, just sit with him. Pick him up to give him a hug and then put him back and stroke his head etc You can always leave him just for a min or 2.

I would start on Sat morn (if your DP is off at the weekend). Do the first nap in the cot. If he won't go to sleep after a set time (e.g 30 mins) take him out in the pram to make sure he gets some sleep.
Any other naps, take out in the pram/car. This makes it easier on all of you as he's more likely to fall asleep quicker in the pram/car.

Honestly, everyone I know who has done it or who I have discussed this with on forums has found it easier than they anticipated.

It took us 3 days (Sat, Sun,Mon). There waa not that much crying. The third day was the one where she was grizzly all day.

I would have him in his cot while you do it. If he is in your bed and you don't want him in there long term, then you will just have that problem to deal with and more crying at a later stage.
If your DP is off work when you do it, you can support each other and one of you can rest while the other one goes out for a walk with your DS.

Just to let you know that my DD was totally addicted. We gave it to her all the time. She had it for sleeps but also if we were out and she was a bit grumpy, when she came out of the bath and was grumpy, in fact any time she grizzled, we shoved the dummy in!

After 3 days, she totally forgot about it like she had never ever had one (although she did start sucking her fingers and still at nearly 7 mths, constantly has them in!).

HI Pudding25 - I was just thinking about you and Gabster at the weekend... I've missed chatting to you How's things with you and your DD? How's the weaning going?

I got rid of the dummy at about 20 weeks as my son was so addicted to it. I threw them out and went cold turkey - the first night was hard, and I was convinced it wouldn't work, but it only took 2 nights for us and he has never had one since!

I would second the starting with the naps idea as you will find that easier as you can go for a walk, out in the car to get them to sleep.

It will work, and its not as hard as you think.

Good luck

Hi Becky - She's nearly 7 mths! Still doing a crap lunch nap but eating like a piggy!

Hi again everyone!

Well, for now we've decided not to deal with the dummy issue... we have a feeling that he'll really put up a huge huge fuss if we take it away, so we've decided to wait a bit longer in the hope that he'll learn to put it back in himself (yeah right). We'll rethink of this issue when he's 7 months. In the meantime we're taking it in turns to sleep, e.g. I sleep 8-1/2 & DP gives a bottle to DS when he wakes (usually 12-2) & then goes to sleep. Last night we had a couple of stretches of 2 or 3 hours uninterrupted sleep, which is a step in the right direction, all done in DS's own room/cot. So we only brought him in our bed at 4.30 am. Anyway. We're hopeful. Lets see what happens... I know we're being chicken not to cut out the dummy altogether, but it's funny how with parenthood lots of things are not decisions/choices we make but things we just realize we're able or not able to do...

Can you not just have him in the room with you, by your bed, and bf him back to sleep? he is very young. maybe your expectations are too high? (I don't mean that to sound harsh - but 4 months is really very young to be expecting a baby to sleep soundly in their own room and self soothe).

Hi Maria. Good luck x

agree with wotsthatskippy.

also, we tied DS3's dummy onto a muslin and he taught himself to put it back in himself

WotsThatSkippy: Well we did have him in our room up until a couple of weeks ago, & we both decided this wasn't right for us anymore (and probably for DS anymore). He was waking with every move we made... we had to tiptoe around our own bedroom... and given that he's not sleeping, at least now I can have a nap between 7-8 or so until DP gives him the late night bottle. To be honest, I don't think I have unreasonable expectations, wanting him to be sleeping more than 2 hour stretches at 4 months! You really think babies at 4 months cannot go more than 1-2 hours (or more often 45 minutes) of uninterrupted sleep?! Given that we're not prepared to let him cry, we're trying our best to not create problems that we'll have to deal with in the future. For example, having him in our bed more than we already do- especially since it's something we don't want to be doing in the long run- is something we're trying to avoid. To each their own I guess...

By the way, the late night bottle is a new thing, it's only now that we're introducing a bottle on a regular basis, out of sheer exhaustion, because we need to be taking it in turns to sleep...

The thing is: In 3 months time, I don't want to be dealing BOTH with his co-sleeping AND the dummy issue, since I know both have become habits. And since he seems to be perfectly fine in his own room (sleeping there happily for naps too)- he's not sleeping there any more or less than he did in our room- I think we should persist on at least establishing that, & then a few months down the line hopefully he'll have learnt to sleep better on his own (HOPEFULLY!!!)

Tommy: Should I try this with the muslin square now? Or wait a few months more? Is it dangerous in any way?

wotsthatskippy many babies are perfectly happy in their own rooms and can self settle at 4mths. Not everyone wants to co-sleep and bf to sleep (not having a go or anything as it is great to do if you are happy with it)

Maria - I would be very surprised if a 4mth old could put a dummy back in by themselves every time it fell out in the dark.

Pudding, I agree... It's interesting how often on these threads people are given this standard advice for ANY sleep problems:"
"he/she is too young (to do this, that or the other). You should co-sleep. You should BF all night long"

Speaking as someone who has been (reluctantly but happily) co-sleeping for 4 months, and as someone who is still BF, I still get a bit annoyed by this kind of advice. I'm not saying it's meant in a bad way... but I do have many friends who have babies who self-settle fine & sleep well, regardless of whether they're co-sleeping, and without having done any CC of any sort. I do believe babies at 4 months are ABLE to sleep more than mine does. Of course it really depends on the baby, which is why we're trying not to push things at the moment... but they're definitely not too young to self-settle & sleep in their own room, some can do it very happily.

My ds was happy in his room at 4 months, he much prefered it to ours as he got more peace! and once we got rid of the dummy he could self settle, so some babies can do it.

Maria2007 - I think if you are not ready to do cc, then don't. From my experience I would say that YOU have to be ready as if you give up halfway through, it could make things worse.

Sleep problems ofen just fix themselves randomly, some of my friends dc just started sleeping better without any changes. Good luck and hope he sleeps better soon.

This thread is very interesting to me..
DS2 is nearly 10 months and still wakes every couple of hours for the damn dummy!
I've been hoping he'll learn to put it back in but no luck (in the dark and half asleep theres no chance really), or rely on it less but not yet!!
He is very gradually gettng better. Some nights he only wakes twice or therabouts which is much better than he was!! Some nights its about 8 times though!

Have been too chicken to take the dummy away yet though! Thought about it but keep chickening out at last minute!

SpecialOffer: I completely agree about parents being ready (or not) to do any kind of sleep training. I really hope you're right about sleep problems fixing themselves randomly, that's what I'm waiting & hoping for

2pt4kids: It's very disappointing to hear that your 10 month old boy is still not able to pick up his dummy... I think we all have the hope that with time they learn to do this... At least that's the hope I'm clinging too! As for being chicken, me too, I simply can't do it, my boy is way too dependent on it (and he's only 4 months old: sigh). Perhaps in time this will get better... Lets hope. What are you thinking of doing about it?

If you decide to stick with the dummy, try a Sleepytot Baby Comforter. I can speak from experience when I say that these really work. We had the same problem with our DS and he now sleeps through the night with his dummies on his comforter. He got the hang of it at about 9 months but had one for a while before this! A friend of mine gave one to her little boy when he was just 3 months to cuddle up to and at 6 months he had worked it out!