Sudden sleep problens with 21 month old

[toddlerhip]

My 21 month old has started refusing to lie down and sleep in his cot. He was never an enthusiastic sleeper but with a breastfeed i could get him asleep and put him down. Or if his father put him down he would cry for a few minutes then settle down. In the last 7-10 days either a breastfeed (comfort more than liquid these days) isn't enough to send him off, or he wakes when i put him in his cot.

He gets really panicky as soon as we move away from my bed where i feed him. If i leave him in his cot he stands up and bawls and bawls. I have let him cry before when we have had sleep problems but this time he seems really panicky & terrified. I took him into my bed one night which i don't encourage as neither of us sleep well. The next day i asked him where his bed was, and he patted mine happily. And when i showed him his and said isn't this your bed he shook his head and looked unhappy.

The last few days the only way i have got him to lie down in his cot is by holding his hand. It means i have to lie on the floor until he goes to sleep. On Friday night it only took about 15 mins, but last night, he kept wanting to switch sides during the nighttime breastfeed (delay tactics), then he woke up when i put him in his cot. Then i stayed on the floor holding his hand for 1/2 hour til he slept by which time it was 9pm and i'd been doing the supper - bath - bed routine since 5.30. Then he woke up an hour and a half later and i lay on the floor by his cot for an hour getting him back to sleep. Then an hour later (0015) just as i was dropping off, he woke up, at which point i was so tired i took him into bed and slept about 1AM. He woke up at 5AM and it took an hour to get him to sleep again. The he woke up at 8. I haven't had great health for 2 months and a bad back for 2 weeks and i am 20 weeks pregnant. I really need to get a good nights sleep. Anyone got any ideas?

I have thought about moving his cot into my room so i don't have to lie down on the floor to get him to sleep. And also thought about taking one side off his cot so i don't keep hurting my back when i lower him down, also because maybe he wouldn't stand in his cot and cry if he could get out of it. Of course, most of all i'd like him to go back to going to sleep relatively easily and staying that way til morning! Also, is it normal for a toddler to change sleep habits like this? I haven't heard of it.

No real advice, but didn't want your post to go unanswered, you sound at the end of your tether. You are not alone, as lots of recent posts show!

My ds co-slept untill he was 15 months, when he seemed to be sleeping better, and we moved him onto a matress on our floor. Then he got worse, and I would bring him into our bed, where, like you, neither of us slept well. So, to get more sleep, I put a single matress next to his(for me), and now I feel a litle more human again! It's not a long term solution, but maybe you could find a similar arrangement to help you recuperate, and maybe it would help ds feel more secure too?

As for changing his habits, has something changed in his life recently? Is he aware you're pregnant without really understanding?
HTH, and that you get more advice.
On the 'question for old hands' thread some people have suggested some ideas for frequent wakers, maybe they could help you too.
x

Does he have all his teeth yet, my DS is 21 months and has just started being bad a sleeping when he had been so good before now,
but he has got his last set of back teeth coming through,
the last time he was bad a sleeping it was the other set of back teeth,
so I know that we will probably just have to wait it out and not expect a good night's sleep for a few more weeks.

also i think that the tooth pain causes him to have bad dreams and this is what wakes him up screaming,
it could be that your DS is doing the same and he remembers that he has had bad dreams and then relates this to his cot, so doesn't feel safe there.

My DS has a special blanket in bed, and he loves this blanket, it seems to make him feel secure in bed, he cuddles it to go to sleep, but fusses if he doesn't have it when you try and put him down.

have you tried using some sort of comforter, such as a toy or blanket?

Thanks for these. So do you sleep on a matrress on the floor daringdoris? I think he is ok about the baby. I have a lot of problems with my husband right now & he could've picked up on those though I try to keep it from him. My husband started picking him up when the crying started then taking him to his bed for the night or part of it a few times and it has got worse since then. Then i took him in twice & i am worried he is used to it.

ten10, he has about 4 molars and he does wake up screaming sometimes. But when he was sleeping ok he would drop off again very quickly. He does have a comforter blanket which, like your DS is essential for sleep.

I have had him on my own again today though and am so tired that if he does the bawling routine again i am hoping i have the willpower to just see it out because i can't think what else to do and i know if i get into the picking up cycle it will go on all night and i cant face another one of those.

Yes, Dp has our double bed to himself, I'm on a single matress on the floor next to DS on his smaller matress. I needed to do it to get as much sleep as I could as DS wakes to feed in the night and I thought I was going crazy from lack of sleep. But I'm trying to tackle his night waking so hopefully I'll be back in with DP before too long!

I guess my advice would be to do what it takes to get through this period - you said he slept well before, so I'm sure he will again. Ok, you don't want him to get used to being in with you, but if you're too tired to tackle the problem then you need to catch up on your sleep too.

I don't know if you've looked at the other thread, but most of the people who've managed to help their toddler sleep through relied quite a lot on their DP/DH, so he needs to be on board too (and if he's helping, hopefully you'll get even more sleep!). I know it's not easy though, my DP works shifts, and I've put off tackling my ds's sleep countless times beacause I know it'll disturb him.

Teeth? Belated separation anxiety? Time for a real bed? Mattress on the floor? (Apparently it's v. Montessori and was a revelation to my cousin with her then 10 month old -- from waking 2-hourly to waking once or twice a night.)

Not the beginnings of a chance of help from my husband. If i'm really lucky he might get him dressed in the morning and give him a bath at night (unless he's 'punishing' me) and that's it, then he's off to his study or his hobbies for the rest of the day, every day. Anyway, he is away now for 2 weeks which is a relief, not least because ds sleeps better. Lo slept through last night though from 9pm - 0830 after grizzling for only 10 mins. Here's hoping for tonight when i need to get him down by 7 when the grandparents are coming to babysit...

Ches - separation anxiety sounds like it though. He is always asking for mamamamamama when not with me, especially at bed / nap time and prefers me to give him milk, cuddle, story, etc before bed. A lady he likes looks after him one morning a week and just today he was saying it when out on their walk and he was looking round the house for me, and that's having played with me several times during the morning. Also, it took almost 3 months of howling (sometimes along the street) on twice a week nursery day between Sept and now before he started to settle into it. But if his father dropped him off it was much less of an issue. How long does it last / what do you do about it?