how/when will this end? (reluctant cosleeper)

[cosmicdust]

dh & I made one parenting decision before ds was born - he would NEVER sleep in our bed...that lasted less than a week!
Now he's 4 months and rarely sleeps in his cot. I'm a little afraid we'll never get our bed back! Could experienced cosleepers tell me how long their babies coslept & how they got them out?
Thanks!

cosmicdust, first of all, stop worrying about it. Enjoy the cosiness if you're able to. I thought the same as you, and at every opportunity I put baby back into her moses basket/ cot after a feed, or when she got to sleep, as I just couldn't sleep with her in the bed. I wish I could. I do love to stretch out in the bed, though. Some people can sleep better co-sleeping, but if it doesn't suit you, then don't do it.

When my lo was 3 months old I felt we were both able to tackle a bit of sleep training so she would sleep in her cot, rather than our arms, and it worked for us. Now she loves her cot, and won't sleep in our bed, even when we want her to! There are other methods that have worked for other people, so I'm not saying you need to do this. But the main thing is 4 months is still very young, but they are very adaptable at this age if you want to change.

I hope I don't get in trouble for suggesting 'training'

Hi cosmicdust,

Well I could have written your post My DS is also 4 months, & we hadn't predicted (or hadn't decided) before he was born that he would end up in our bed so often... but that's how things have turned out. At the very beginning it actually worked well because I'm BF him & it was SO much easier, it meant we all got some much needed sleep. Then after about 6-7 weeks he put him in his cot, right next to our bed. Well, around 2-3 am he invariably still ended up in bed between us! Now that he's almost 4 months we've moved him to his own room, in his cot, for many of the reasons you mention (i.e. we basically want our space back). He actually sleeps fine in his cot during naps & during his first sleep (7-11) but then, due to his many night wakings, he always ends up again in our bed Have no idea how long this will last, but given the fact that he's in a very difficult phase as to sleep, we're kind of going with the flow because otherwise we simply wouldn't be getting any sleep! I think what we've done is one way to do it- i.e. put him in his cot or moses basket for his first sleep (what time does he go to bed btw?) so that he's used to it... and then later on, when you're tired & need your sleep, take him in bed with you. Once they're sleeping a bit better- hopefully we'll have our beds back to ourselves!!

Hi Maria,
It's good to know I'm not alone! I totally agree on the breastfeeding - once I mastered feeding lying down, it's so nice to have ds right there.
The last couple of days have been particularly bad & prompted me to write - he's been screaming every time dh or I put him down (even if we wait until he's sleeping). I guess he must have been feeling bad, because he's not normally a fussy baby.
Usually (if a 4 mo old has usual), he naps in his cot and I can put him down awake & he'll (without crying) put himself to sleep about half the time.
Bedtime is a different matter. I think he gets overtired. He will often take a short "nap" around 6 or 7 but won't stay down until I go to bed, which I have started doing between 9 & 10pm. I guess that's the trouble - dh & I don't get any evening time together.

and Weebump, thanks for telling me not to worry. I guess co-sleeping does work for me, I'm just scared if I don't do something now, ds will still be there when he's 12! Today though, I got him sleeping in his own bed at 7.30pm - YAY! and so far so good (it's only 8.45pm here....) dh is away, so I'm using my free evening up on mn....oh dear I think I'm addicted.

Mine were 3 and 4 years old,and went v. happily into bunkbeds in their own room....I cried, coz they weren't babies anymore....they are babies for such a short amount of time...really, enjoy all the cuddles while you can.

Hi Rose of the orient,

I do agree that they're babies for such a short amount of time... however, for some couples co-sleeping is not necessarily the best way. I know it works for many people (and it's certainly convenient & very cosy!) but the thing is to do it as a choice, not because you feel you HAVE no choice (which is where we are at the moment). In my limited experience (my baby is only 4 months) co-sleeping is great & very easy, but it also means that me & DP haven't had a chance to have our own space & intimacy since the baby is born. So to me that's a real problem. I also think it's important for babies to gradually learn to self-soothe... and I don't think co-sleeping helps them with that. Or at least it's not helping DS, not sure if this is the same for others.

Cosmicdust: how did last night go?

cosmic, i could have written your OP except that DP is in one bed, DS and I are in the spare room. I really miss DP during the nights

We did reluctant co-sleeping for a while too but it didn't suit us in the end. The way I stopped it was:
-took one side off the cot and put it next to our bed so DS felt he was in our bed, but wasn't. For a while I had to have early nights with him, like you.
-Put side of cot back on and kept it close to our bed
-Put cot on the other side of the room
-Moved cot into DSs own room, while I slept on a single bed next to him
-I moved out! Yey!
It was a long slog but I am glad I did it gently, not being a great believer in CCing. I just moved onto the next step when I felt ready for it- when I felt DS had got used to each new situation and I had enough strength to make changes.

Having said that, if co-sleeping is working then stick with it for now. It's lovely when it works and it's amazing how babies change. They suddenly seem ready for things they didn't before and your DS will not be in your bed aged 12, I promise!

thanks for all the messages. last night ds stayed in his own bed asleep until 11.30pm! The new problem is that I couldn't get to sleep without him! But that's one I'm happy to solve. Nights like that one would be great every night.

Hi again cosmicdust!

Funny that, we had the same problem last week & also last night when DS stayed in his own cot/room until very late (3-4 am). This was the latest we've left him in his room, before bringing him to our bed, & it was because he seems to be gradually settling better in his cot on his own. BUT last night (and last week) when he was happily sleeping in his room, DP & I couldn't sleep, & missed him!!! So much so that we twice checked that he was ok...

Anyway. Good to see we have a bit of progress! I'm sure we'll get used to being without them in our beds but it's lovely while it lasts isn't it (however many problems it brings with it).

Oh good, any progress is good progress even if it's temporary. Funny how you miss them, isn't it? Even as you're enjoying your freedom. That's motherhood for you...