sleep advice please - 1st time parents

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

so...ds is 11 weeks. he only ever falls asleep -in the pram, car seat (whilst moving), sling, or arms, usually with a nipple in his mouth. when he's close to someone he'll sleep for hours, hence co-sleeping so i get a good 4-6 solid hrs at night.
i know we have allowed this to happen through our actions but it needs to change! right now he's knackered, well fed and burped but woke up within 5 mins of bringing his car seat inside. now he's asleep again with my boob in his face. impractical.....
i'm happy to continue co-sleeping for the time being - dh not sooo keen (would like more sex ) but supportive.
question - how do i get him to nap by himself? whenever i put him down asleep he always wakes up too. some people have suggested controlled crying but i think he's too young?

He is too young - six months minimum if you have to do it. He's still a tiny baby!

This thread from a couple of days ago is similar. I also found it really helpful to read the kellymom page on nursing to sleep and their links about spoiling your baby. Don't worry about trying to train him, just enjoy him while he's teeny

I tried swaddling my baby and it really worked. Perhaps it will work for you too! It makes the wee ones feel secure as if they are being held, I think.

You can buy proper swaddle blankets or if you are clever can use a little sheet.

11 weeks is way to early IMO - it is frustrating obviously and you will come across people who say their baby slept through the night at that age! But it is rare and they are just boasting!!!!

I personally feel do what ever gets you though the first 6 months then re look at things.

wow that article is really helpful and reassures me that he's normal - the only reference i have is my best mate who is v strict at bedtime with her kids and who were also all bottle fed - so it's very different!

my 9 mth still naps in his pram. its all normal , and you will adjust to the lack of sleeep you get.

my dh sleeps in another room, and a surprising number of dads do

thanks! it's not lack of sleep, it's lack of time to do stuff during the day as he won't nap alone! and dh wants more snuggle time...we all fit nicely in the double bed but i usually have a baby stuck to a boob...poor bloke!

Hi - my DS is 3 weeks old and we had a similar problem at the beginning and I was wondering what to do as when we picked him up it was like an on/off button of crying so I knew he wasn't distressed but just would prefer to be held. I couldn't cope with it as when DH wasn't here I couldn't get anything done.

I know controlled crying is too early for him (have also seen 4-6 months advised) but I wanted to know when to let him cry for a minute or two and when to pick him up... I found some very useful info on distinguishing between crying up and crying down - crying down can be when they are overtired and trying to get themselves to sleep but crying up is when they genuinely need something.

Crying down is when:

• the duration of the cries (shorter)
• the intervals between them (longer) and;
• the tone (getting lower at the end of the cry) is signalling that they are trying to send themselves to sleep.

Crying up is the opposite.

I tried this with my son a couple of nights ago and it worked really well - the most time he was crying for was 2-3 mins and they were about 5 mins apart and after 20 mins he was asleep. Its not always easy to distinguish and if you are unsure then do whatever you feel best at this young age but I think there are some instances where you can let them cry for a short time and know they are not distressed. I honestly believe that as your LO's mum you know best.

Hope this helps, and I hope no one shoots me!!

Hi Kat,

First of all, I agree with the others that it's way too early for controlled crying. Probably if there are still problems rethink your way of dealing with things when he's 5-6 months?

Second though, I do accept that you need to do something. I was in the exact same boat. My boy who is now 17 weeks slept in our bed for the first 2 months (still does after 2-3 am) & during the first 6 weeks would only fall asleep with his boob in my mouth. This meant I had to be lying next to him for naps & bedtime & it also meant I was constantly exhausted, plus agitated because every time I tried to move he cried out, woke up, & boob went in his mouth again until the next cycle! What we did is that one day I simply decided enough was enough & STOPPED doing this. I still nursed him (still do) but only sitting up in bed, & instead of my boob I offered him a dummy which he took to very very well. I have to say there was no crying involved & he simply took to the change very quickly (now of course we have a problem with dummy addiction, but that's another discussion...)

So as for the boob-to-sleep thing, I would try just stopping it, & replacing it with something else. A cuddle, a dummy, whatever works.

As for sleeping in the pram, I think that's completely normal, they all do. Maybe try to encourage more naps at home in his bed/cot/moses basket. That worked with us. My boy still loves sleeping in his pram, & has long nice naps there... but I've encouraged more & more naps in his cot, & he's simply got used to it & now seems to like his cot very much. It's a matter of being consistent & persistent, just put him where you want him to sleep again & again & he'll get the message sooner or later.

I don't know though what to suggest about the co-sleeping, because for us too that worked for a while, & still works at 2-3 am when we're just too knackered to keep going back & forth to his room. The co-sleeping has unfortunately meant no private life for the two of us, but it has also been a practical, realistic solution to easier breastfeeding & lack of sleep.

The main thing for us to remember though is that babies grow SO quickly at this stage, & so many of these problems they'll simply outgrow on their own... (hopefully!)

Ooopps!! with MY boob in HIS mouth!!

With my youngest I did pick up put down, she would sleep & sleep & sleep if being held, sleep through a feed etc etc. When I knew she was tired I put her in her cot she would cry so I picked her up until she was calm, put her back down over & over & over again. I saw it is being a case of me teaching her that it was okay to be tired & drowsy & laying in a cot. She didn't scream or go hysterical she wasn't left to cry. It did take a while but after a few days she was content in her cot & went to sleep by herself.

cargirl how old was your dd when you did this?

Have sex in the nursery, on the couch, kitchen counter, etc. Your DH will probably end up loving co-sleeping.

Ches: I'm sorry, but not all couples are comfortable changing their sex lives this much,in order to accomodate co-sleeping. Perhaps in some situations it's best to stop the co-sleeping? It's not always the right way for every couple...

(And I'm saying this as someone who is still reluctantly but happily co-sleeping at 4 months, but who would like to find a way to stop soon...)

My dd was very young when I did PUPD about a week old, she's the youngest of 4 so cuddling her 24/7 wasn't an option for me! It also meant it was very quick - about 24 hours because of course they sleep lots at that age.