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Sleep

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Original poster

reaching the end of my tether with not enough sleep

19 replies

gingernutlover · 26/11/2008 05:22

dd is 3 and has never been the worlds best sleeper, we have maybe a few nights of sleep and then we alternate between periods of waking early, middle of the night, crying out etc etc. I am a light sleeper and I am absoluyely knackered, she has woken me up every morning at 4 am for the last week week for various reasons and I cannot gt straight back off like she does

so so so tored, I cant do my job properlt and nearly crashed the car recently because I am so tired. DH says i shoud go to bed earlier but by the time i have got in from work, sorted dd, put her to bed , got our dinner and then done all my paper work for school is is 10 pm most nights that i slope off to bed.

I cant take this much longer, feel like she will be okay whatebver but what i want or need dont matter whatsoever, I am bottom of everyones list and someimtes wish i wasnt a parent, hate my lofe at the moment

dont know what to do. the last time i got a full nights sleep was 3.5 yeares ago and I cant do this anymore. I have these awfyl thoguhts about dying or running away, must be the world worst nother and wife

OP posts:

RoseOfTheOrient · 26/11/2008 05:38

you poor thing - it really is awful when you don't feel you have had enough sleep. And we ALL have had thoughts about running away...well, I have! Can DH not help? Maybe he can get up with your DD a few nights. I hope at least he is letting you have a lie-in on the weekends...it is not fair if you are working AND doing all the night/early mornings too. You should go away for a weekend on your own, just stay at a hotel for a couple of nights to recoup your energy.

It will get better, I promise - but it is par for the course. We co-slept with 2 DC until they were 4.5 and 3, and even then there was another year or so of them coming into our room in the middle of the night for a few nights every week. Or they slept well for a couple of months, and then caught a cold or something and were back in our bed for a while. It seems never-ending, but they hardly ever do it now..(they are 9 and 11).

Your DD still not really old enough to appreciate that you have needs too - but you DH should really be doing more to help, not just telling you to go to bed earlier.

take care

Original poster

gingernutlover · 26/11/2008 06:26

dh is working weekends doing our house up, and no matter if he does get up with her, i still get woken up and am unable to go back to sleep,

she doesnt get up at 4 for the the day, she goes back to sleep easily, but i dont

she wont sleep in our bed, has never worked, somtimes wish she would

so glad i am not the only one up so early though

OP posts:

katiek123 · 26/11/2008 14:09

oh gingernut i was just the same when dd was 3 - between her and my DS, then 18 mths, i used to be woken up to 8 times a night, and DS was always up by half 5. i thought i would go mad. life just loses its colour when you are half-crazed with fatigue, doesn't it. i had frequent escapist fantasies. i even wished to have a small, non-serious accident on the road - just enough to put me in hospital ON MY OWN for a few weeks' respite!!
it all gradually got better. some of it was my own anxiety (was going through rough time emotionally for various reasons too). meditation really helps i find to improve the quality of one's sleep - but obviously doesn't mitigate against the little blighters waking us up sigh!
good luck you're definitely definitely not alone and definitely definitely NOT a bad mother or wife - absolutely not!!!

TheGabster · 26/11/2008 19:18

Ooodles of sympathy - night wakings are the pits, especially when you thought it was all over. I think a sleep-over at the grand parents/aunties/anyone else you can find might be in order?

pudding25 · 26/11/2008 20:22

ginggernut I know exactly how you feel. I am a terrible sleeper (always have been) and since dd was born, it has become worse. If she wakes during the night, I can't get back to sleep either. She is 6.5mths now and often sleeps through but before she did, I got myself in a terrible state. My husband had to take a day off work to help me as I could not function.

Anyway, I went to the dr and got a mild ant depressant which is used to help people with sleep problems. It worked brilliantly (although I think I need a stronger does now as dd stirred last night for about a minute and it took me 2 hrs to get back to sleep).

I take it you are a teacher? I am too, although not back at work yet. I lways found that I would not be able to relax after a day at school as I was thinking about the kids and planning.

If you want, I can go and see what the pills are called. They make me sleepy and also help relax me so that when I do wake in the night, I cna relax and get back to sleep.

I also couldn't sleep, even if DH looked after dd.

As your dd is older, as someone else said, it might me a good idea if you could to go away for a night or 2 to stay with family or something just to catch up on a bit of sleep.

There is nothing worse than lying awake when you know the baby is asleep and you can't lie in the next morning.

pudding25 · 26/11/2008 20:23

Apologies for all the typos. You are not the worst mother/wife, you are just bloody exhausted.

popsycal · 26/11/2008 20:23

I have a almost 4 year old who is wildly documented on MN as being an horrendous sleeper. I now have a 10 week old who is also dreasdful and a 6 year old who is hit and miss

I know your pain

Original poster

gingernutlover · 27/11/2008 07:54

thankyou for the solidarity mnetters, I tried the ear plugs last night but found them uncomfortable and keep waking because I can feel them, but maybe worth a try to get used to them.

I have also put dd's potty in her room on a pampers mat so she can use it at night and not have to slam her door loudly when she has finished. She doesn't use it evey night but this is cause of some of the trouble.

I know that at some point this either has to get better or dd has to become more understanding of waking us when she wakes but it seems a long way off.

I also woke up with a cold this morning and am convinced that the reason i keep getting ill is bacause I am am so tired.

OP posts:

CaptainKarvol · 27/11/2008 08:06

No helpful advice, but a lot more sympathy from here. I nearly didn't open this, thinking it was going to be another rant about a very young baby not sleeping through ('my 12 week old won't sleep' stylee thing), but can really sympathise with what you are going through.

My 2.9 year old DS is very similar, though will co-sleep, and I also get every bug going even though I used to be disgustingly healthy. It sucks sometimes.

beeny · 27/11/2008 08:29

I understand your pain have also felt like having a non serious accident so i could have a decent kip.

Cathpot · 27/11/2008 08:36

Could you go and sleep somewhere else for a night, friend or family? When I get really in bits I go and spend the night at my sister's. I realise its not a long term solution but the odd proper sleep can do wonders for you. I have often said I dont know how people cope working when they have non sleepers, it must be so hard.

Original poster

gingernutlover · 27/11/2008 10:02

this is probably going to sound awful but the dyas at work are someitmes easier than days at home

i teach reception and am on the go from the minute i get there til i leave, somethimes 10 hours on the trot with everything else that needs tobe done, sometimes much easier to keep busy thatn be at home with the whingy 3 year old who is tried cos she woke for 30 minutes in the night

OP posts:

TheGabster · 27/11/2008 11:43

Oooooo I do know what you mean about work. I wish I had gone back - I've just done the odd day cover but I would love to be working more regularly. As my sister says, at least then you get to go to the toilette on your own!

Pinkjenny · 27/11/2008 11:48

Gingernutlover - my dd is 18mo, and has never slept through. I really do understand what you are going through, and sympathise. I often feel like this too.

No useful advice, just hugs. (())

Scootergrrrl · 27/11/2008 11:53

DD was a terrible sleeper until we got her this
I know it looks a bit bizarre but it worked like an absolute charm because a) she know it wasn't morning until the creature `woke up' as it were b) it served as a nightlight so she wasn't scared and c0 the rabbit used to bring her sweets if she stayed asleep until he woke up (don't judge me, we were VERY sleep-deprived )

Original poster

gingernutlover · 27/11/2008 15:48

looks great (alarm clock thing) I wanted one of those but coukdnt afford it so we got dd a string of bunny shaped fairy lights instead on a timer, they work a treat for getting up time just not for middle of the night

OP posts:

daringdoris · 28/11/2008 13:32

Hello, I also have a dreadful sleeper who is 20 months. Like some of you, lack of sleep has been making me feel completely depressed, think terrible thoughts etc.

I have just started a new thread asking parents who have mananged to 'improve' their dcs sleep (without cio) to give us advice.

The solidarity and comfort of knowing there are others in the same boat as you is amazing(in RL people look at me like I'm crazy if I admit how ds sleeps!), BUT, solutions are good too, so hopefully some kind and experienced mnetters will give us lots of advice!
Waiting for some advice...in the meantime hugs and sleeping dust to all.(())

Pinkjennybellrock · 28/11/2008 14:59

Where is this thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pinkjennybellrock · 28/11/2008 15:00

It's OK, I've found it.

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