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Sleep

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Original poster

baby will only sleep with me - advice please

11 replies

vicky762 · 22/11/2008 21:27

Have DD aged 16 weeks and DS aged 3. My little girl has since the word go been unable to sleep unless cuddling me - in the first few days i tried numerous times to get her into her moses basket, but with no success. As I was in "survival mode" in the first few days / weeks, I just went for the easy option and let her sleep with me - just to get some sleep ! In the daytime she would sleep cuddling me on the sofa / in sling if out and in the nighttime sleep next to me in bed. I turfed DH out to spare room so he could have uninterupted night and as it felt too cramped with three in the bed. Trouble is, 16 weeks on, this trend continues. in evening she sleeps on me or next to me on sofa until i go to bed, when i take her up with me. Tried the cot again repeatedly, but wakes and cries as soon as put down. I really can't leave her cry at all.

co-sleeping does not bother me - quite like it and makes bf so easy (still feeds 2-3 hrly day and night) - but DH says being in the spareroom is ruining our relationship, which is a bit strained already :-( And i know i need to get out of habit of having her on sofa until 11pm.

HV useless . just went on about cosleeping and SIDS risk.

help !!

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nickytwotimes · 22/11/2008 21:29

Would one of those cots that attaches onto the bed be any help?
Or bet a bigger bed?!
Sounds like you need to get dh back in with you.
There are some successful cosleepers on here who will hopefully be along to tell you how it is done.

moondog · 22/11/2008 21:31

Dh can be with you too. Speaking personally, being apaprt would not be good for my marriage.
It's possible to have a sex life even if not together thoguh.

hayleybop · 22/11/2008 21:32

Hi I just posted a thread. My DP in spare room and I'm sleeping with my DD2 in bed with me as she dont like the moses basket. Relationship with DP crap also because of issues with babies sleeping ect...I dont mind that much co sleeping and quite prefer my DP in spare room as he drinks and smokes and snores very loudly but would love DD2 to go in moses basket as DD1 wakes up and when she wakes up DD2 wakes up as I have to go and see to her then it's feeding, winding, settling her back to sleep which cant be good.
It's ahrd work hey. Hows your 3 year old at sleeping?

Original poster

vicky762 · 22/11/2008 21:39

hayleybop - thankfully ds 3 yr old sleeps quite well, once i've finally got him settled (!) - but the couple of times i have had to get up for him, it has made dd wake - so i know what you mean and my sympathies are with you. and the other trouble is, he bounds into my bedroom at 6 - 6.30am, which wakes baby up as well as me. aaargh !

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 22/11/2008 21:45

Why not let your DH join you again, seems harsh for him to be booted and and also for you to have to deal with all the night wakings on your own.
Could you afford a bigger bed (we bought a super king bed after DS2 was born and it's great) or else how about the side sleeper cot thing you pull up next to your bed, as nickytwotimes suggests?

racingsnake · 22/11/2008 22:23

We bought a superking mattrass too.

The side sleeper probably won't work if she won't be put down - my dd is the same; she will only sleep while being cuddled (or in a moving pushchair).

Won't last forever though - bet she's not still doing it by the time she goes to university!

Sadly I think HVs are generally useless. Read 'Three in a Bed'. Lots of good tips and reassuring statistics.

turbots · 23/11/2008 13:22

Don't worry i'm in exactly the same boat! in fact my little 18 week old cherub is next to me now as she will only sleep if attached to me via sling or in the same bed. My 2 year old was not like this at all. Thought i'd try the kiss and retreat routine when she no longer needs night breats feeds?

ilovemydog · 23/11/2008 13:38

I sleep with DS (8.5 months) and sometimes DD (2 yrs, 3 months).

Amazingly, DD sleeps through DS waking up and crying when she is in bed with us, but can hear a pin drop if she's in her own cot

What I have tried to do, is to get DS to have a nap in his own cot during the day, and seems to help with him going to sleep in the evening. He still wakes up, but at least he initially goes to sleep in own cot.

elvey · 26/11/2008 12:19

my ten week old is the same (currently attached to me via sling), and I found a co-sleeping cot very useful. I started just putting her in it once she had fallen asleep at night, then she would eventually wake up and want to get back in with me, then put her in it when she was awake, but snuggled up close so she didn't think she was alone, and eventually she went to sleep. now she sleeps in it all night (ie from about 11 when I go to bed until seven am) waking up for one night feed which I do with all the lights off so she barely wakes up and then I just roll her back into the cot. I too am worried about keeping her up with me in the evenings, but one thing at a time!

Original poster

vicky762 · 08/12/2008 20:58

thanks everyone. its so nice when you read that other people are doing it like you too !! am reading Three in the Bed by Deborah Jackson as suggested and can thoroughly recommend it. am also reading the Continuum Concept .. which is also very interesting but making me go a bit nutty worrying that i am not holding baby enough (because Jean Leidhoff seems to think anything less than 24hrs is not enough)

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IAteMakkaPakka · 08/12/2008 21:10

Hi Vicky, just read this thread then realised it's an old one.

My only thoughts are that 16 weeks is still very early (it was for us anyway) and it wasn't until he was 6 months that DS would start the night in his cot, and even then it took ages and ages to gently ease him in there. We always put him down asleep because when he was awake he wasn't having it. But there's no way on this earth he'd have gone in the cot before then. And even then we'd resettle him in the cot each time he woke up until we went to bed after which time he was brought in with us again. Having the bed to ourselves in the evening again was lovely but it did take time.

By 12 months DS was going into his cot awake and settling himself a few nights a week. It just got easier by itself, very naturally.

So i think if you can be as accepting as possible for now it will help but I would advise a kingsize bed pushed against the wall and put your DD between you and the wall (all gaps plugged with towels etc) so you and DH can still be together. Or a sidecar cot which we tried for a while without huge success.

It's all a bit garbled, sorry, my brain seems to be wilting these days, but the long and the short of it is that it will get better, she won't need you to be so close to her forever

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