Am I doing everything wrong???

[wildwind]

New mum of precious 12 week old ( after long, hard process) needs sleep!

Tried two approaches with our lovely gorgeous son :

1. down around 7pm, sleep to around 2am/3am, feed, then down til around6/7am. Not too bad, but hard to get back to sleep when post-natal and totally weepy...

2. down around 7pm, waking babes for midnight feed, then we were hoping he makes it through to around 6/7am again - but no. Up around 4/5am. Then back to sleep with bit of persuasion. Then up at 7am. Mum not back to sleep at that stage.

Tried gina approach, but felt like total failure and got quite depressed and inadequate for being unable to 'sort' out sleep and feeds.

tried watching nap-times during day, but he is all over the place, despite some routine. Sometimes two-hour sleep, sometimes 20min naps any time.

As he fought boobies and didn't get much, he's now on formula.

at 12 weeks i am amazed he is only feeding once - sounds like he is doing well

woudl try to bring the dream feed forward to 11 pm, full feed at the next wake up and a feed at 4/5 am - easier to feed at this age that try rocking etc

try swaddling for naps

you aren't doing anything wrong

He's 12 weeks old.
You're not doing anything wrong if you don't try and force him inot a routine.He is a living breathing organism, not a clockwork toy. Let him be, throw away that dreadful tome and let him sort out his own routine. In time.

Your only fault is the name you gave the thread! You're doing nothing wrong - you just need to find a routine that works for you.

The way my wife and I approached this with our DS was to get into a four-hourly routine. We fed him at 8.00, 12.00, 4.00 and so on. If he wasn't intersted in the feed, he didn't get another until the next feed was due - no snacking! He quickly took to this routine and before long, the 4am feed was dropped. Eventually the midnight feed also went and DS slept through the night from 8pm-8am with few probs. BTW - DS had breastfeeding issues so he was on formula too.

This routine worked for us - it might not be for you, but I hope you find something that does.

a 4 hourly feed schedule is very regimented and TBH most waking issues are to do with food at this age

a baby of 12 weeks is not designed to sleep through the night - they have tiny tummies so need to feed a lot - that is normal

you will find your DS will drop his feeds when he is ready

Approach 1) sounds pretty good for a 12we, tbh. He's still quite wee and probably trying to work out his own feeding preferences, especially if there's a growth spurt on the horizon.

I've never been convinced by waking babies to feed them in order to cross fingers that they'll sleep for longer.

Are you able to go to bed early, eg 9pm, allowing you to get a reasonable block of sleep up to 2/3? And sometimes get dp to take him out in the afternoon so that you can sleep then? I know how hard it is to sleep at the [rare] times you're not sleep, just because there's suddenly an opportunity, but at least lying down to give your body a bit of a rest could help.

Is dp able to give a night feed and let you sleep on sometimes?

Wildwind - one other thing: can you try to keep the lights off to do the night feeds? It will wake you up less as well as ds.

You are NOT doing anything wrong!

I have to say I am very very jealous by the amount of sleep you're already getting: you're definitely not doing anything wrong My own boy is 16 weeks & sleeps way, way less than what you describe your LO does. I do agree with the others though, at 12 weeks it's quite rare for babies to sleep more than yours does, so you have to consider yourself lucky that you've got a good sleeper, & I'm sure it'll soon get even better!

What you are doing wrong is having unreasonable expectations. Most 12 week olds NEED to feed through the night; you are very, very lucky with what you have. If you need more sleep go to bed earlier or sleep during the day.

I was lucky, my ds was put into a 3-4 hourly routine by the hv to help him gain weight, and he took to it well and never seemed hungry in between. Some babies just don't take to routine though, so I wouldn't worry about forcing one on him.

It sounds as if you are pretty lucky with the amount of sleep you're getting, so I would just carry on with what you're doing, and sleep whenever you get the chance.

Thank you everyone! All advice appreciated. I had no comparison, so apparently he is doing well, doing what he does.

Have no family here, so feels abit flying blind, but I suppose that's what it's like with babaies.

Good to hear from other parents and get suggestions.